Venting venting

[february in alaska]

Man, I am absolutely wasting this life. I seriously wish I could give it to someone else. Literally anyone else. Someone who needs it, someone who deserves it, someone who will use it. I'm living a good life. The only thing wrong with it is me, the fact that I'm miserable, my own mental state, the fact that I hate who I am, the way existing exhausts me like nothing else. So I was offered a promotion at my job and my manager is just the sweetest and I'm just sitting there, trying not to curl into a ball and scream because by the time they get the paperwork done I'm not even going to be alive.

The days are getting colder and I am too. Fuck. I'm so lonely tonight, just because I can't explain any of this to anyone else. I'm cold and lonely and I don't have any future to look forward to and every day to day routine for the next four months is going to feel just like this. I want it to be over, I want it to be over, I want it to be over, I want it to be over. At the point where I'm attempting prayer in the first time in nearly a decade just to beg anyone out there to let this be over. I'm so fucking sad. Why is this so hard.

 

[Novacaine]

I feel the same way. I wish I could trade my life to someone deserving, someone who would use it to the fullest extent, anyone.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering existing brings, I find it so dreadful how we cannot just choose to easily leave in peace. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.