venting too much is ruining my relationship

[illvoid]

I really need help. I need to learn how to keep my feelings to myself, my girlfriend can't keep up & is struggling already, I just keep making it worse. I try not to talk to her about being suicidal or anything but it's still negatively affecting her and I really don't know what to do. I have no real support system outside of therapy once a month, I've become extremely isolated these last few months and it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed. I just want to have a healthy relationship with her as it's all I have right now. I don't want to keep causing her unnecessary stress and I don't want her to feel like she's responsible for my feelings. How can I stop being so reliant on her?

 

[MisplacedGirl]

To be honest, that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I understand that your girlfriend is already struggling, but I don't think it's fair that you have to keep your feelings to yourself. Have you thought about posting in the recovery partners megathread? You could find a friend who is also going through similar things and needs someone to talk to.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i agree with @MisplacedGirl. maybe communicating that just her being there and listening is enough. my bf and i use to have the same(ish) problem. hed worried about me and get overwhelmed.

its like that story about pooh and piglet ive been seeing on fb where pooh is upset but doesnt talk about it, so piglet just sits down beside him. just being there so you know youre not alone can sometimes be enough.

its kind of difficult to hear hurtful things (in general, youre not being hurtful towards the person) and still be able to put it aside.

(i feel like i explained that poorly, my thoughts feel like swiss cheese most of the time....)

 

[etherealgoddess]

I really need help. I need to learn how to keep my feelings to myself, my girlfriend can't keep up & is struggling already, I just keep making it worse. I try not to talk to her about being suicidal or anything but it's still negatively affecting her and I really don't know what to do. I have no real support system outside of therapy once a month, I've become extremely isolated these last few months and it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed. I just want to have a healthy relationship with her as it's all I have right now. I don't want to keep causing her unnecessary stress and I don't want her to feel like she's responsible for my feelings. How can I stop being so reliant on her?

How often do you vent? I vent to my partner like... maybe once every few days? Also, it could also be a test to know whether your relationship can really work out.

I highly suggest using 7Cups. You can find listeners there. Listeners are unprofessional people who can listen to your problems. They're technically not allowed to give advice, but they usually do anyway. I'd say it's a hit-or-miss. I'd personally suggest going through the list of listeners and finding the best-ranked listener and requesting one individually instead of waiting in the general queue. You don't know what kind of listener you're dealing with in the general queue, lol.

 

[Melancholic_Misfit]

How often do you vent? I vent to my partner like... maybe once every few days? Also, it could also be a test to know whether your relationship can really work out.

I highly suggest using 7Cups. You can find listeners there. Listeners are unprofessional people who can listen to your problems. They're technically not allowed to give advice, but they usually do anyway. I'd say it's a hit-or-miss. I'd personally suggest going through the list of listeners and finding the best-ranked listener and requesting one individually instead of waiting in the general queue. You don't know what kind of listener you're dealing with in the general queue, lol.

i used 7cups before, sadly i was left on read by the listeners there.

i still got some support when i posted threads, however.

 

[etherealgoddess]

i used 7cups before, sadly i was left on read by the listeners there.

i still got some support when i posted threads, however.

Did you find the listener you wanted or did you do general chat requests? I strongly recommend seeking the most highly rated listeners. I went to the general chat to discuss my experience with sexual abuse as a child. I felt extremely guilty about it. But the listener asked me, "Why did you do it? That's bad." And then he was like, "Okay, then don't do it again." And bro was ready to change the topic. I remember feeling 10x worse after that. However, I'm a good listener on there, so there is definitely a spectrum of good and bad listeners, lol.

 

[Linda]

I really need help. I need to learn how to keep my feelings to myself, my girlfriend can't keep up & is struggling already, I just keep making it worse. I try not to talk to her about being suicidal or anything but it's still negatively affecting her and I really don't know what to do. I have no real support system outside of therapy once a month, I've become extremely isolated these last few months and it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed. I just want to have a healthy relationship with her as it's all I have right now. I don't want to keep causing her unnecessary stress and I don't want her to feel like she's responsible for my feelings. How can I stop being so reliant on her?

Can you spread your venting across several differnt people? That way you are less likely to overload any one of them.

 

[SexyIncél]

Can you spread your venting across several differnt people? That way you are less likely to overload any one of them.

Yeah, this is what I used, and it worked for me! Of course, then you gotta find people...

I wonder if you can pay someone with scrupulous confidentiality to read a book on person-centered therapy, and just give you unconditional positive regard :P

I respectfully disagree with some posters — girlfriends frequently punish your vents. (Except amusing ones that are essentially standup comedy.) If your gf hasn't punished you so far, that definitely says something good about her

 

[illvoid]

To be honest, that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I understand that your girlfriend is already struggling, but I don't think it's fair that you have to keep your feelings to yourself. Have you thought about posting in the recovery partners megathread? You could find a friend who is also going through similar things and needs someone to talk to.

Hi! I feel like I need to clarify that at no point has she ever asked or expected me to keep my feelings to myself. I feel the need to do so because I know what it's like to love someone who is severely unstable & feel guilty for putting someone else through it. I've been afraid of reaching out to other people for the same reason, I've been trying recently but it's not easy.

Can you spread your venting across several differnt people? That way you are less likely to overload any one of them.

This is something I'm trying to ease myself into. I have some serious fears about opening up to people (and people in general, really), but I do think that would help & I appreciate you suggesting it.