Venting Venting to no one

[Allisonblue]

I just want to die. I just want to give up. I just want to go away I just want to disappear and I don't want anyone to follow me. I wish that it will all end and I hope it does. It isn't worth breathing, it isn't worth living. I don't want to wake up anymore I wish that I could be alone and that I could sleep forever in the dark. And we all know that the only way to do this is by catching the bus, but I'm too scared, I am a fucking coward and I still deserve to die, and I need help dying. I wish I could just go in my sleep and I wish I could just be the unlucky person on the news that gets slaughtered in their peaceful slumber. At least it's me instead of them, because at least I deserve it. I'm a coward. I'm a coward! I want to go but I can't. I keep on hitting myself when no one's around telling myself that I'm just scared. Telling myself that if I do it I would feel so much better, because it's better not to feel anything than feel only hurt. I want it to be quick and painless, once or twice to the head, maybe with anesthesia before. I don't need help to recover but help to die.

 

[undecided]

So sorry you're in so much mental pain, added to the fear and SI involved with ctb, it sounds unbearable. If you think talking about how you're feeling might help you, I'd be willing to chat with you. But no pressure. I hope you feel a little better tomorrow.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly wish that there's the option to just fall asleep eternally, I hate how it has to be so difficult to die, I find it cruel how we cannot just easily cease existing in peace. But anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for, it's really understandable just wanting to be gone.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

So sorry that you are dealing with these feelings, I feel the same way. I'm trying to wait till I finish school but I don't know how long I can hang on.