its not even that. before the medication on my good days yes, but idk.....i think its just because i know the possiblity of death is always right around the corner. almost getting hit by a car one day probably doesnt help. 'thankfully' i wasnt having a good day so i stopped at the crosswalk to cry where i typically would have just looked then kept going.
i dont want to die, i just cant handle my mental state. i actually really like life and fear death. thankfully this new medication put my thoughts off into the background.
i dont want to die either to be honest. when life is good, it's great and i love it. but when i'm miserable which is the vast majority of the time, i have no regard for my own wellbeing and often do dangerous things on purpose. it's more of an attempt to die on accident than it is a suicide attempt.
Mostly medicine and therapy. Been to a couple support groups and I've had inpatient treatment at hospitals too but those were huge wastes of time that just made me feel worse. Antidepressants have never, not once in my entire life, had any positive effect on me whatsoever and I've tried more than I can even remember. Therapy usually doesn't help either. I've had a handful of good therapist visits but other than that it's been a waste.
i dont know your situation but i find buspirone to be 'helping' me. its an antianxiety but its been helping with the suicidal thoughts as well. i had voices in my head plus i didnt know what quiet was. "youre actually thinking about nothing, no way". anyway it put all of that in the background so not i dont have to listen to it. unless youre always thinking though im not sure how much help it will be.
