geezer88
raving idiot
- Mar 12, 2025
- 13
OK so, to personalize things a bit, what brings this preachy dunce to SS??
I discovered these forums years ago, exploring the threads and searching to CTB, but I never went through with it.
To sum things up, I have an entirely average traumatic backstory: Mom is an aggressive, highly unstable narcissist who raised us in the country 7k away from the nearest town. isolation. neglect, constant emotional (and sometimes physical) angry punishment. I didn't go to public school until grade 8. Mentally stunted, slowly growing. If I'm still alive by then, I won't attend her funeral, that's for sure. she ruined our whole family.
I know that there's more to suicide than feeling like a waste of space, a parasite...
I still often feel alone, intense hopelessness, self-loathing, and I'm always haunted by the past... and I am just naturally pessimistic and find myself still wanting to CTB on a casual level pretty much every day.
I have been stuck in my parents' barren vaccuous abusive prison-island sink-hole for 20 years and as I try to emerge from those swampy tendrils of darkness I find that I have a hard time connecting to people or having any social skills at all... as you can tell...
Life on earth is a mutiplayer nightmare, history is a horror story, the human condition curses all of our hearts...
But I've managed to scrounge up some meager sense of joy so far, and for a few years I managed to delude myself out of suicidal desire by becoming a Christian
the philosophy isn't bad there but in the end I decided that if humanity is damned, I care about the world more than I care about going to heaven... then someone I respect freed me from the religious illusion and now I feel alone again...
That isn't why I came here though... I just kind of remembered this place exists and felt nostalgic... I have nothing but respect for this community.
sending love,
- geezer
I discovered these forums years ago, exploring the threads and searching to CTB, but I never went through with it.
To sum things up, I have an entirely average traumatic backstory: Mom is an aggressive, highly unstable narcissist who raised us in the country 7k away from the nearest town. isolation. neglect, constant emotional (and sometimes physical) angry punishment. I didn't go to public school until grade 8. Mentally stunted, slowly growing. If I'm still alive by then, I won't attend her funeral, that's for sure. she ruined our whole family.
I know that there's more to suicide than feeling like a waste of space, a parasite...
I still often feel alone, intense hopelessness, self-loathing, and I'm always haunted by the past... and I am just naturally pessimistic and find myself still wanting to CTB on a casual level pretty much every day.
I have been stuck in my parents' barren vaccuous abusive prison-island sink-hole for 20 years and as I try to emerge from those swampy tendrils of darkness I find that I have a hard time connecting to people or having any social skills at all... as you can tell...
Life on earth is a mutiplayer nightmare, history is a horror story, the human condition curses all of our hearts...
But I've managed to scrounge up some meager sense of joy so far, and for a few years I managed to delude myself out of suicidal desire by becoming a Christian
the philosophy isn't bad there but in the end I decided that if humanity is damned, I care about the world more than I care about going to heaven... then someone I respect freed me from the religious illusion and now I feel alone again...That isn't why I came here though... I just kind of remembered this place exists and felt nostalgic... I have nothing but respect for this community.
sending love,
- geezer
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