Vent

[sserafim]

Hey everyone, I just need a space to vent. It's literally my birthday today and my mom is being so mean to me. My parents want to sever ties with me and kick me out of the house. They want to change the keys and everything and this contributes to my already suicidal thoughts. This just adds insult to injury, and this is becoming my final straw. I hate how my mom is being so mean to me on my birthday. My mom doesn't want to take me out to eat or even give me a cake. She says she doesn't want to spend any money on me because it'll be a "bad investment". She doesn't even talk to me most days. Most days I spend lying in bed because I'm too tired and exhausted to face the day, and she's always mad at me for waking up so late and for not doing anything. I don't know why she can't see that I clearly have a problem and need help instead of being disowned and ostracized and cut off. She just calls me lazy and irresponsible. She says "other people have depression too, you're just lazy".

My mom has a fantasy of getting rid of me and changing the keys to our apartment, and cutting me off from the rest of the family, which has been exasperated by my dad who I don't see often but he really dislikes me and hates me. He's the one who wants to eventually disown and disinherit me. He wanted me to have no more contact with his family or my mom's family, and he wanted my phone service to be cut and for me to be cast out onto the streets. He wants me to get a job and make my own living. He literally called me a "parasite" for still living at home with my mom. I don't know why he hates me so much. My mom also thinks that I'm letting down my family (yes I know that I'm a failure but I honestly did not see myself living this long so I didn't have a plan for my post college life).

When I saw my dad this summer, he kept telling me to "cheer up" and "do something". He said things like "Look at all the people working and making a living. They're doing something with their lives. Why can't you be like them? Do something!"

I think that after my first failure last year, I'm too scared and traumatized to become a part of society again. I'm scared of working and having to work, and of integrating into society. And I also don't want to be a part of society either, I want to escape into the woods where I can be alone. Tbh I've never even felt like a human being and I've always wanted to be a cat ever since I was young…why must I be forced to survive in this human society, and pay for my existence? I hate it so much.

My dad also got mad at me for looking "sullen" and not smiling in photos (which I was forced to be a part of). I hate being photographed. I really detest it. My dad always throws a temper tantrum and blows up whenever I try to refuse being part of the photo so I have no choice but to comply. I honestly don't know why he gets triggered so easily. He's so emotionally immature. I think this is because he's the youngest in his family so he was probably spoiled growing up. I think my family are also not understanding of neurodivergence and emotional issues because of their culture and my parents are fairly successful people so it just makes them madder that they have a failure like me as their daughter.

Ugh why did I choose these people as my parents…..why….I hate my past life and pre birth self for choosing this life. My parents have only ever provided monetary, not emotional, support. They think I should be grateful to them because they paid for my college tuition (which I am), but the more I get older, the more I realize, they were emotionally neglectful. I didn't grow up with my dad because he lives overseas so I didn't see him often but he's a really emotionally stunted person with the EQ of a 5 year old (he has frequent temper tantrums and gets mad really easily and shouts at us) and my mom clearly favored and favors my sister over me. I think I never bonded with her or attached to her as a child. We've never been close ever in my lifetime. She always wants to spend time with my sister and she and her just connect and are closer. They just "get each other". She always buys my sister a cake for her birthday, and she treated my sister to a birthday meal last year, so why not me this year? I just think this treatment is so unfair. I hate sibling favoritism and how my sister is the golden child while I'm the black sheep.

I always bake my mom a cake for her birthday, and this year she doesn't even want to treat me for a birthday meal or buy me a cake. She never has even bought me a cake before, she only ever baked me a cake the few times she even gave me one. I would really appreciate it if she could be nice to me on my birthday. I don't know why she's being so unnecessarily mean to me. Ugh I hate this life and existence. I honestly don't even know why birthdays should be celebrated. I hate being here on this earth and never asked to be here. Fml

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so dreadful being around people like that, I also don't see birthdays as something to celebrate as it's just emphasises the fact that there has been yet another year of suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[SexyIncél]

What bozos!

A family's a social institution. There's ways to run them effectively. They fail miserably. Unfortunately, you bear the costs. Maybe they have little excuses, like they too came from buffoons. Buffoon inception. But that doesn't excuse their responsibilities

Of course, it's absurd to partition society into families, whose cofounders are expected to be competent — though the only qualification's putting cum on egg

(Sorry for the imagery, can't help it)