Venting Vent - Zero Prospects

[SmallKoy]

It feels like everyone around me is productive and good at what they do but I can't seem to be productive ever. Most of my day yesterday was spent in my bed. I feel like I'm not actually depressed or suicidal and that I'm just lazy. I hate myself so much. I don't care about anything else, if I wasn't so scared to die I would be dead. If I had a permanent off switch then I would be gone. I care about absolutely nothing. I'm such a disappointment. The only things that keep me sane is venting here and self harming.