Vent Why am I STILL here? 😡

[Toobrokentofix]

I can't settle this evening. All I can think about is ending myself tonight. But I'm terrified of the death part and not knowing or particularly believing in what happens after! I'm overwhelmed with shame and guilt but I have been my whole life. It just doesn't get better. I just still hate myself. I am so lonely. Even though I have people around me. I have awesome teenagers and nice friends. But no-one really knows me. Fuck! I don't know me. I'm sorry for ranting. My head is swimming and my pulse is racing.

 

[Kit1]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low and no need to apologise - you are not ranting, but sharing how you are feeling in a safe space where people are free to talk about how they feel. Shame and guilt are two very terrible self-destructive feelings that are hard to shake off and death is an unknown entity. Loneliness, sometimes, can be more acute when we have friends or family around us as the "them" and "me" becomes more pronounced. All your feelings are valid and I wonder if you are able to work through these feelings - I am saying all this despite spending that last few days constantly telling myself that I have tonstay alive for my children. This makes me a hypocrite. But I do feel for you and perhaps there might be an opportunity to work through those feeling - but remember that your pain and feelings are valid and if it helps to share, then please do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so frustrated to still be trapped here, I get that it's so dreadful having to suffer in this existence. But anyway best wishes.