Vent: What would you have done differently in life ?

[lemonhoney]

In middle school, I would've talked more. I would've been more friendly. I would've done sports instead of lonely activities.

In high school, I would've been less of a bitch. I was a bitch as a defense mechanism and it carried to my adult years.

In college, I would've joined more clubs. I hated that I judged Greek life so hard for being so basic but who cares. I would've followed a more lucrative career path and stopped worrying about just having fun with friends who just wanted to drink and party and hook up.

Post-college I wish I kept studying something. My brain feels so dead, I'm not challenged at my job and I picked up too many hobbies and never focused on anything. I judged people for never having hobbies and only focusing on work but now I see, if you have to spend 8 hours a day or more working, you might as well enjoy it.

I wish I stopped caring about materialistic things and appreciated special moments with someone I lost. I wish I noticed signs of my declining mental health and took action instead of feeling bad for myself. I turned toxic and my ex left me and I have nobody to blame but me.

I wish I built a life that I could love. I wish I could love myself.

Now I'm thinking if I can go back to school I can get a "do over" and be the student I wish I was in college. It feels too late though, it feels so embarrassing.

The only thing I stay awake for every day is to scroll through this site or research going back to school. There's nothing in between for me. I either end it all or start over.

 

[lionetta12]

In middle school, I would've talked more. I would've been more friendly. I would've done sports instead of lonely activities.

In high school, I would've been less of a bitch. I was a bitch as a defense mechanism and it carried to my adult years.

In college, I would've joined more clubs. I hated that I judged Greek life so hard for being so basic but who cares. I would've followed a more lucrative career path and stopped worrying about just having fun with friends who just wanted to drink and party and hook up.

Post-college I wish I kept studying something. My brain feels so dead, I'm not challenged at my job and I picked up too many hobbies and never focused on anything. I judged people for never having hobbies and only focusing on work but now I see, if you have to spend 8 hours a day or more working, you might as well enjoy it.

I wish I stopped caring about materialistic things and appreciated special moments with someone I lost. I wish I noticed signs of my declining mental health and took action instead of feeling bad for myself. I turned toxic and my ex left me and I have nobody to blame but me.

I wish I built a life that I could love. I wish I could love myself.

Now I'm thinking if I can go back to school I can get a "do over" and be the student I wish I was in college. It feels too late though, it feels so embarrassing.

The only thing I stay awake for every day is to scroll through this site or research going back to school. There's nothing in between for me. I either end it all or start over.

I would have redone every aspect of my life.

 

[Hirokami]

I would've taken high school more seriously and graduated earlier.

And I also wish I joined more clubs in college. And what hurts even more is that I never got to go on that learn abroad program in Japan. I didn't have a job at the time to pay for the entry fee, though my mom would've paid for it. Too bad I felt like I'd be a burden at the time, not to mention I let a relationship get in the way of that anyhow.

Speaking of, I would've put my foot down in said relationship as well as every other aspect of my life.

I would've spent more time with my dad before he passed away, too, instead of being angry at him.

I'd probably still have GAD but at least I would have a clear conscious.

 

[annique]

probably i would have killed myself earlier, that would free me from a lot of suffering later in life

 

[StolenLife]

I wouldn't have cared so much about schoolwork, it's important but I let it influence me to the point that I ruined my mental health and neglected every other aspect of life because of it.
I would have stayed in contact with my two childhood best friends.
I would have been a better friend and person in high school and made connections and memories with them instead of studying.
I would have been more loud and vocal about the abuse and neglect I experienced at primary school and pressure at home. I almost fucking died at one point, it could have made the local news and ruin my abusers' future forever. Now they are enjoying life while I rot.
That being said, I doubt I would have gone in that high school in the first place as it was very hard and I burned out while I could have gone to Uni either way if I finished any other school at least four years long.
I never would have pursued medicine.
I would have taken a gap year between high school and Uni. All the later shit happened because idiot parents didn't let me.
Currently I'm at a point where every choice leads at eternal misery so I have to die soon.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

There was nothing I could do when younger to save me, the abuse started when I was a baby (or earlier tbh, if you count smoking and drinking etc in the womb). I just had to be born to a different family. Maybe kill myself as soon as possible.

 

[rainbowbright]

I would have broke free from my narcissist mother alot earlier

 

[CTB Dream]

Ctb vegetable befote

 

[hamvil]

Maybe keeping better contact with a few good friends. I realize now how important it is to have other people in your life, but in the education, I receive friends were there just to exploit you, same for women. Of all the things I could change this is probably the one that could have improved my life soo much.

 

[crowbait]

As a child I would have told people I was being molested. When I was a young teen I would have found a way to go on anxiety medication and anti-depressants without my family finding out. I would have pushed to switch to the alternative high school, where I would have attended with my best friend and my socially anxious ass would have been able to actually show up to class given the small amount of students. I also would not take pity upon and befriend the two boys who would later assault me. I would have been kinder to my old friends even though they defended one of those guys. I would have got bangs sooner. I would have been less frustrated with the traumatized cat my family adopted for being so clingy with me at first. I would not say yes to dating my close guy friend in my gap year who turned out to be an insane controlling stalker who wrecked my self-esteem. I would lock my bank account when I got my first student loans, or do something, anything, to stop myself from spending so much of it in a deranged impulsive mental breakdown.

 

[almaranthine]

Currently I'm at a point where every choice leads at eternal misery so I have to die soon

I unfortunately feel exactly the same. I don't foresee any choice that I could possibly make that would result in my life being repaired enough to be worth living.

 

[akirat9]

ctb earlier
really do mean

 

[befandbored]

I would not have allowed my teens to be dominated by an eating disorder. I would not have allowed my 20s to be dominated by work. I would not have allowed by 30s to be ruined by someone with NPD. I would have not married the person I did in my 40s who used me as a beard. I would have done virtually everything completely differently.

 

[Life_and_Death]

If I could go back I wouldn't have cheated on my SO....
Then I never would have heard that song... Then I never would have left... He would have asked me to move in because of the unspoken situation at home... And I wouldn't have spiraled to where I am now...

 

[makethepainstop]

If possible I'd be making changes before birth. I'd want a family of tall, platinum blond, blue eyed people, so that I would have those blessed genetic traits. I would also spend some time,(before birth), checking out their real estate holdings, bond and stock portfolio's to be sure could live the life I have always wanted. Naturally I could not possibly incarnate into a family lacking those wonderful healthy genetics, and oceans of lovely money. Some people can incarnate into really hard and crappy lives, and actually be happy. I'm not one of them. Still waiting on my sn. Love to all here.

 

[hamtaro]

Not gone off meds the way I did

 

[SarRy]

Honestly, a lot. All I have are regrets. Never tried to be social. It was always a mistake and was never around the right kind of people. Never start drinking alcohol. Never gone to college. Gone to seek mental health services much younger to find out what was wrong and how to plan my life better.
Really, my regrets form the largest part of why I want a way out. I feel like I've already crossed the bridge and burned it. God may forgive, but, in my experience, people don't.

 

[Arrow]

Studied more

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Change "my" genes and environment around a bit. This would, of course, mean that "I" would not exist. Specs: not be born with autism, not avoid and dismiss people, not be quirked up or narced out, not start a porn addiction as a tween, less gaming, force myself to go to parties, thinking less about "deep" things (or just get them done faster) and more about "superficial" things.

 

[NumbItAll]

I would have done nothing differently under the same circumstances since free will is an illusion. But with the benefit of hindsight I would have increased my protein intake earlier for sick gainz as a teen, which definitely would have solved every future problem.

 

[Venus13]

I'm not sure actually. I wish that I had learned to speak up for myself. I don't have a lot of regret though because the events laid out created the expected outcome.

 

[help56]

I would have been less afraid of taking chances and going for what I want .
As it is it's too late . I sm too old and this is it. I want to end it

 

[Unhirable]

I would've bullied more people back in high school and middle school.

I only bullied two times in middle school and looking back, I should've just bullied more people.

By the time i got to high school i was too embarrassed and ashamed of myself to bully others, but i should've just kept it going anyway. Making other people feel bad about themselves does make me feel good about myself. I should've done this without any remorse.

I also would've never gone to college because I am not a hard worker and am destined to be a miserable failure with health problems and a shit job and no friends.

 

[The Eeyorish One]

I'm not sure what I could've done differently… I just feel fundamentally broken. I had my life planned out in elementary school, and had big aspirations but my life circumstances that were out of my control ruined it. Whether it be my mental illnesses, or the abuse in my past, there's not really much I could've done about it. Sure, I'd tell myself to somehow stick it out and finish high school, but I have no idea how I would've done that as I was so stressed and depressed that I made myself physically ill to the point that I was missing nearly half of all school days. Really the only major thing I could fix would be making sure I never lifted the crate of batteries at work which has permanently fucked my back since then.

 

[Celerity]

I think I need another 10 years to get a good crack at this answer. So many of the things I thought were important in the past really didn't make much of a difference. I really don't know what I would have done differently.

The only straightforward things that come to mind are putting more effort into dating and choosing my intended career now instead of the dumpster fire career that I chose as a young woman.

I recognize all these little decisions I could have made then to better reach my goals and to make life easier, but I was not headed in a great direction then. Success would have prolonged the inevitable, I think, and I would still end up where I am now.

 

[toasterbath]

i should have tied the umbilical cord around my neck in the womb because i was just born to suffer