Venting vent to me

[ringo99]

Saddled with a neurological condition that makes it extremely difficult to retain information or learn new things (very limited earning potential), currently at an emotional age of 12 due to lack of skill in forming relationships, no real friends to talk to, sick mother forced to work in her 60s cos my emotionally abusive, hyper-egotistical and emotionally and intellectually stunted father squandered most of his money keeping his deadbeat brother and family afloat (who ironically came to hate him and cut off all contact) and never bothered to save enough for his future in a country with zero social safety net and no universal healthcare.

SN ready. Will ctb as soon as I'm laid off. Insurance money on my death will ensure a decent level of financial comfort to my mother and pay off outstanding loan. Father can rot in hell.

 

[To-Equestria]

I wish I would just die already but I feel too guilty about wanting to ctb that I can't now and I feel stupid about making a goodbye post and still being alive days later

 

[charlotte_]

I hate myself because I can never do anything right. All I do is laying around doing absolutely nothing, and no matter how much I try, I just won't do it. Unmotivated and useless. People my age are out there doing a whole lot to support their future, yet here I am never trying and never doing. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Also, I'm sorry about what you're going through. I hope your situation gets better <3

 

[JustSomeoneOnline]

god i hate being alive haha, every second i breathe there is pain. im not even trying to be emo or anything i mean literally i feel physical pain every single second i am alive. its like having a mild panic attack 24/7. there is a giant hole in my chest that feels empty and the rest of my body is in constant pain. it makes my brain think im constantly in a fight or flight situation and all i can do is wait until i tire myself out to sleep and wake up to it all over again. im tired.

Im tired of the memories i have of my past, im tired of not being able to forget and forgive, im tired of people who try to help me but just end up abandoning me and making it worse, i hate feeling like this.

I hate feeling like im panicking over nothing cause all my trauma is in the past, i hate that i flinch at loud noises, i hate that im no longer capable of crying when i want to. all in all i hate that i cant just get over it and i hate that the healthcare system that was supposed to save me, failed me.

 

[ssidal_butterfly]

Tired eyes
Tired mind
Tired heart
Tired soul
Tired bones
When my legs finally give out beneath me I don't know where I will fall. I don't think I care.
I just need to rest forever and ever and ever.

 

[rabid_aspie_yokai]

I feel like I'm "using" my animals to keep me alive… I know I won't care about how my parents feel about me dying, but in my head I can't leave my friends behind. I feel selfish although I care for them deeply, but I feel so so selfish and nasty. It's not my main problem (that would be gender dysphoria and autism), but I've been feeling like this often nowadays… I look at animals as my true family in a way and I feel deep connection with them, but the guilt is eating me up. Some of them could live without me (Roman snails) but others couldn't as they're domesticated and have no chance in the wild. This thought keeps me alive but it also hurts. Thank you for the opportunity to vent