Venting vent to me

[disgustingtrash]

I'm feeling rlly lonely now, a lot of you are probably feeling the same rn so just vent . Doesn't matter what it is about

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

What's your story? Tell us, might help your loneliness.

 

[disgustingtrash]

My dad recently went to prison for something he didn't do, drug related. And it's been a month today since he left to prison. I know it's not that long, but he is like the mood booster in my family, so the house feels empty and quiet without him. He won't be back home until next year, christmas. I'm struggling especially a lot right now, stress smoking and stress eating . and I've been thinking of different ways I could ctb, but then the thing that's stopping me is how my dad would feel after a long time in prison away from his family, just to find out that I took my life. I want the best for my family, but I am also convinced that I don't deserve a life on this earth, because I have no purpose here and no future. Thank u for letting me vent, ur also very welcome to vent as well. I love reading other people's vents.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

Yeah that sounds like a rough time for you. I understand why you're hesitating on ctb, thinking about your dad. Do you think you can hang on long enough for him to get out?

 

[disgustingtrash]

I think im able to, I'll wait for him. after he's back home im not sure though, I don't know what my future holds in a few years so we'll see. Thank you for reading<3

 

[Yym1]

I'm feeling rlly lonely now, a lot of you are probably feeling the same rn so just vent . Doesn't matter what it is about

I'm not gonna say what happened to me but the effects of it I think around 3 years ago I was fully depressed stayed in my room for months without leaving cryed myself to sleep everyday but that was when I kinda changed my anxiety went up like crazy so around more than a year ago I went insane I had voices in my head telling me to kill myself but one of them stood out and is still here today I tryed slitting my throat but it look like I just self harm mutilple times so I had to hide it I try drowning myself in the bathtub but that failed at this time nothing felt real but one day I decided to take pills after I finish this one game which I didn't finish and I decided to not kill myself but nothing felt real after that after that a couple weeks ago from today I thought I can save these people but now that voice came back and reminded me everything and I'm suicidal again. What the fuck my heart beating while typing and I never told this to anyone and probably delete it in the next 10 minutes

 

[ggetout33]

I hate my body

I feel like my body and brain can't do anything right. Needing medication just to hope to feel the way others do on a daily basis cause they weren't born with a shit brain and shit body. I often wonder why I was wanted or even how I made it to nearly 22. I got RSI cramps from simple aim training.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Y

I'm not gonna say what happened to me but the effects of it I think around 3 years ago I was fully depressed stayed in my room for months without leaving cryed myself to sleep everyday but that was when I kinda changed my anxiety went up like crazy so around more than a year ago I went insane I had voices in my head telling me to kill myself but one of them stood out and is still here today I tryed slitting my throat but it look like I just self harm mutilple times so I had to hide it I try drowning myself in the bathtub but that failed at this time nothing felt real but one day I decided to take pills after I finish this one game which I didn't finish and I decided to not kill myself but nothing felt real after that after that a couple weeks ago from today I thought I can save these people but now that voice came back and reminded me everything and I'm suicidal again. What the fuck my heart beating while typing and I never told this to anyone and probably delete it in the next 10 minutes

You say nothing feels real. Are you suffering from depersonalisation and derealization ?

 

[Yym1]

Y

You say nothing feels real. Are you suffering from depersonalisation and derealization ?
So sorry you are suffering.

I think I was suffering from it probably because of the voices and weed but I not suffering from it not anymore my suicidal thoughts just came back two days ago

 

[ShadowSleeper]

I've got a lot going on in life. I'm stuck in an abusive marriage currently. I beat myself up daily thinking about how stupid I was when I was younger and how much I hate myself for getting to this point. I want my pain to go away. There's more going on..I wrote a post about it but just don't feel like typing it all out here. I'm trying to wait for my birthday but the hole I'm in rn I don't want to make it another day

 

[kimikatachibana]

i'm going through a breakup while also dealing with bpd, the only thing keeping me going rn is supstances so i can forget all of my responsibilities in life

 

[highjumping]

i'm getting attatched to a person again that i know doesn't love me and never will, i know it's gonna destroy me but right now everything is okay with him
i'm looking for a job but got nothing but rejections until now, i'll probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere soon, i've given up on life again i guess

 

[MidnightCat]

Sorry about your father.. I hope you have the strength to wait for him although it's pretty difficult to keep living.


I'm.. really struggling.

I've always been diagnosed with depression, except for a doctor who diagnosed me BPD.

The more I learn about quiet BPD... The more similarities I see. It's kinda scary that you can name "something" and predict with such ease what my feelings/fears/thoughts are.

I'm tired of being in this world. I'm tired of fighting. But I'm still here.. so I feel like a liar.


The emptiness is kicking in, I can't stop thinking my wife will break up with me, that I'll be left in the dark again.


And it hurts so much.

 

[feder]

I'm so fucking tired of my mood swings, one minute I feel ok the next I feel like ctb Ing. Started to self harm again after like 6 years of not doing it and the funny thing is that life doesn't even suck overall right now. And Im really trying to get better but it just all feels so empty sometimes. Can't tell anyone from my social circle obviously kinda sucks.

 

[disgustingtrash]

I'm not gonna say what happened to me but the effects of it I think around 3 years ago I was fully depressed stayed in my room for months without leaving cryed myself to sleep everyday but that was when I kinda changed my anxiety went up like crazy so around more than a year ago I went insane I had voices in my head telling me to kill myself but one of them stood out and is still here today I tryed slitting my throat but it look like I just self harm mutilple times so I had to hide it I try drowning myself in the bathtub but that failed at this time nothing felt real but one day I decided to take pills after I finish this one game which I didn't finish and I decided to not kill myself but nothing felt real after that after that a couple weeks ago from today I thought I can save these people but now that voice came back and reminded me everything and I'm suicidal again. What the fuck my heart beating while typing and I never told this to anyone and probably delete it in the next 10 minutes

do you suffer from schizophrenia or derealization? I suffer from derealization and some of the things u listed are similar, but yours is definitely more extreme. U should speak to a therapist so you can get diagnosed. don't tell them too much tho, they might send u to a mental hospital

 

[animetal]

I feel more and more regretful for myself because I feel like if I didn't do some of the dumb things I did I would be a lot more happier but this is also because of the trauma others caused me . I just wish I could go back in time so badly it makes me feel so sad that it has to come to this

 

[pickajack]

Sending out good feelings and encouragement to all. I strangely got a positive feeling from this thread, even while feeling painful sympathy/empathy for you all. Some I related to, some I just feel for, but I truly wish you all well.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I feel so tired everyday no matter how long I sleep. I can't go outside on my own because of my social anxiety. I can't do much because of my tiredness and lack of motivation. Even stuff I used to love doing I don't feel I like doing it as much as before. I'm trying to start again to build my future but It seems impossible. And its so hard.

 

[Green Destiny]

On the topic of Dad's, I haven't really spoken or seen my dad in person for almost a year now, Fathers day will be that year mark. He hasn't moved away or anything but it's been hard without seeing him every other weekend for nature walks or going to music shows like we do every summer. The reason why I don't see him is because i'm somewhat scared to see him as during a Birthday dinner for one of my siblings, my other sibling accidentally broke his Birthday Gift (Some kind of ceramic Dish plate) and he had an outright meltdown in public and screamed at my sibling. His anger is not something new to me, when he got divorced from my mom he was extremely emotional and angry about having to move out of our house and into some dusty dirty house with a landlord for a long time, I still have some memories of him getting very mad about stuff and terrifying me as a child. Which is why as an adult I refuse to be put in a possible situation to be in his presence where anything can set him off on an angry frenzy. I grew up around fighting and people yelling and screaming, it's a huge trigger to me. I miss my Dad desperately and I feel terrible for him and the fact that he still has to pay my mom alimony checks every month but I just can't risk being around such a scary situation.

 

[The anhedonic one]

i'm getting attatched to a person again that i know doesn't love me and never will, i know it's gonna destroy me but right now everything is okay with him
i'm looking for a job but got nothing but rejections until now, i'll probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere soon, i've given up on life again i guess

Unrequited love is a harrowing experience.
I made a huge mistake getting attached to someone who doesn't love me.
I've had to ghost them to protect myself from any future pain.
I'm tired of crying.
Sorry you are going through this too.

 

[SirCalvinXIV]

I know this will probably be buried and unseen, but:
It's really not so much of shit on my plate, but the lack thereof; I grew up not wealthy, but certainly not poor. I never had a girlfriend, never a solid, important job, few friends (and only one good one, the rest were/are terrible people), never had any significant or long lasting hobbies other than videogames, etc. I feel like I've been given the world, sufficiently more than most, and yet, I'm left feeling dissatisfied and disgruntled. I've not made any meaningful impact on any person, nevermind the world! And now, with the pressure of eventually having to move out and be self sufficient in this shit hole of a world, I'm left wondering: what the fuck was even the point? So many years, supposedly the best years, just... Hollow? Filled with memes and videogames and junk food and vapes to make me feel cool? I don't have connections, i don't have money, and i don't really have any plans for the future. I know this might seem pretty pathetic, but knowing that makes it feel all the worse. Calvin out

 

[Domimi]

i'm getting attatched to a person again that i know doesn't love me and never will, i know it's gonna destroy me but right now everything is okay with him
i'm looking for a job but got nothing but rejections until now, i'll probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere soon, i've given up on life again i guess

It is something so frustrating looking up to a person and being rejected. I found my soulmate some months ago but she didn't correspond to my love, it is so saddening finding someone so similiar to you but her feelings is towards another man. I really wish for her happiness above all else and if she thinks he is the best she can have then she should go for it. I feel so much underapreciated for what I go throught, most people don't really undestand me but she is really a kindred spirit. But the destiny has keep her from my grasp and I'm damned to forever mourn the loss of her love. So frustrating that my immense love cannot be corresponded and acknowledged, I will keep loinging for a love that can match my expections bu5 i
im too drunk too wirte a conscinet response but my emotions come into contact when I'm contact its so difficult my deeepest regret is not being able to express how much my affectionn means to me and they are so much representant, but words dont sifce I wish humans could really grasp all the love I feel but I'm so isolated I hope they can smile while Im drunk my affection will neer be expressed but this life makes it so real I have so much sympath7 for other humans who can express their feelings but this is so difficult for me as a male. Without love I am worth nothing, all I wish is the love of a woman who undestands me deeply and can find me throught such paoin and suffeing. But its so difficult but I dontblame the because life is so difficult and we are biased by a biological preconceived perspective I really wish they find they freeedom and whover the handsome males (which I will never be they have fulfillment they deserve it because this universe is so unjust and biased against us. I accepted yhat I will never be lover but that's okay I undeststand womeens aversoion to someone like me

I just like to think that after death I will, after death, have what I wish, that I will meet the woman of my dreams who will love me unconditialy and presenet to me the love that my mom could not give me.

Sorry for the drunk man ramblings I hope i was not to irrating to you. Know that in this moment I am amble to perceive your suffeing and you do deserve the best no matter who you are. I do have hate ingrained inside myself but I'll forever supress it because no one deserves hate, they all go throught life hardships and are deserving of compassion and comprehension, I'm so sorry I can't deliver it please take care of youelf you're loved.

 

[lastday6116]

I can't vent to anyone because I don't trust anyone

 

[yyytry]

I'm tired of the swings of optimism.

I want to bury the hope of being happy one day.
Bc it's so exhausting…the highs and the let downs.
Easier just letting that constant dull sadness take over.

 

[cnut104]

Makes me feel like shit reading other people's suffering here. All I have is a bit of social phobia and that is enough to make me want to not live. Frankly I could probably get over my anxiety if I tried hard but lately more than ever I just don't want to. I'm sick of being exhausted by every interaction, I don't think I'm strong enough to overcome this.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Sam

I know this will probably be buried and unseen, but:
It's really not so much of shit on my plate, but the lack thereof; I grew up not wealthy, but certainly not poor. I never had a girlfriend, never a solid, important job, few friends (and only one good one, the rest were/are terrible people), never had any significant or long lasting hobbies other than videogames, etc. I feel like I've been given the world, sufficiently more than most, and yet, I'm left feeling dissatisfied and disgruntled. I've not made any meaningful impact on any person, nevermind the world! And now, with the pressure of eventually having to move out and be self sufficient in this shit hole of a world, I'm left wondering: what the fuck was even the point? So many years, supposedly the best years, just... Hollow? Filled with memes and videogames and junk food and vapes to make me feel cool? I don't have connections, i don't have money, and i don't really have any plans for the future. I know this might seem pretty pathetic, but knowing that makes it feel all the worse. Calvin out

Same here: no real human connections ever. and a huge void in life in general.
Sorry you are going through this too.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just tired of existing as usual, I just find it so horrible how this world is filled with endless suffering yet there's still a lack of acceptance towards the right to die. I have so much dread for what lies ahead and I know that existing will only get more unbearable, I just hate how I was burdened with existence in the first place, it's such a punishment to exist in this harmful world.

 

[parader]

i hate it so much that as for today my main reason not to ctb is not giving people i hate the satisfaction of seeing me die
that's what's keeping me alive and i hate that this pride won't let me off myself already
i'm surviving out of spite

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I feel like everyone is acting so fucking weird. Like the vibe checks were wrong/ things are changing and I dont fucking understand why.

Ugh I feel so many things when interacting I feel like I can't fucking trust anyone anymore.


I dunno... my life is soon to be done anyway and it seems my death won't be such a huge impact to many or anyone really. Which tbh is amazing. I'd rather leave as a nothing than something to anyone.

But it's hard I guess... the aspects of life and such. Im so sick of living... hence the full on break from life and things.

Sighs.... I dunno. It's not like its EVERYONE but it is who I thought viewed me in high enough regard. I just feel demoted in ways. But im planning to die soon so oh well?


I hope I don't break and end up telling anyone.

 

[pickajack]

I'm frustrated that I'm not organized or competent enough to properly prepare for a decent ctb. It's one of the main reasons I want to bail anyway, I'm too scattered to figure anything out or execute plans. Mostly, I'm too scared to even explore what I would want to do because I know I won't be able to follow through. Used to take meds for ADHD and was way more fucking functional, but I can't even figure out how to make that happen. Fuck me.