Venting Vent thread?

[overworkedhrsegrl]

I've noticed that If I want to consistently rant/vent about things I'll probably need a thread instead of editing one post over and over?

Anyway, I've been cutting all of my friends off and it's great and all up until I'm feeling social, then it really kicks in that, man, I'm bored with nobody to talk to. But also, it's better in a way because then I'm not worried about people caring when I'm dead so I don't think I should really "make friends". I'll probably end up cutting them off too. I've noticed I'm getting a lot meaner lately too. Don't know exactly what that's from. I hate that it's cold, and I'm so fucking sick of being fucking tired all the time.

But hey, at least I'm home right now. And I'm about to eat. Since that's really all I want to do anymore.

That's all for now, but I'll probably keep replying to myself on this thread when I think of things

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

I've done the same before. I thought I was going to die a long time ago, so I cut off all my friends. It's better on them. And it's not fair to them, if I die, and they still care about me.

Enjoy your foods.

 

[overworkedhrsegrl]

Alright, back at it at 3:00 in the morning. Again with my voice to text because it's my favorite method of communication. Looking at a room full of my co-workers today and everyone else customers and all I realized just how insignificant I really am. How easily the world truly could go on and exist without me. It pushes me to want to do it now. I don't know why I'm still here. I mean really if I died it would mean I don't have to worry about anything anymore right? I just don't know that I could die with the guilt of leaving business not squared away. I don't even know how Id do it atm. I'm looking at the SN posts, it seems reasonable and it's very accessible to me as I am in the US. However not exactly what I wanted or want anyway. I know it sucks but I really always seen myself jumping out in front of traffic. Particularly on the highway in front of an 18-wheeler. That way I have a good chance of becoming "red mist". I've seen what they do to deer that weigh more than me. I figure on a really dark rainy night it might not even be noticeable that I'm a human at first.

Wish I could run into someone who would help me play out my true fantasy. But I don't think I will. Too many specifics that would have to be just right.

Is it odd that I want to die because I'm lonely? And every time I meet someone new and get to know them it always ends horribly. I don't really feel like I want to get to know someone new only for it to go wrong. There's certain people right now that are telling me there are ups but there are downs, and I just have to "outwait" the down until I go back into an up.

Anyway, part of what made me feel like this was my last you could call it a situationship I guess. We weren't really in a relationship but we were intimate and he would tell me he loves me. I was struggling with being depressed throughout the entire time but at least I felt like I mattered to someone I felt like I was someone's priority. And then he went through a rough patch and refused to talk to me for 2 days just because it was easier for him, and then as an excuse he said he tried to kill himself by taking an entire bottle of ibuprofen which obviously with very minimal research I figured out definitely was not true. It kind of infuriates me that he would lie about something like that when he knew what I was struggling with already. Now come to find out a month later after it's all ended and settled, he is going out of his way to call this girl pretty and say she looks good today after he spent 5 months with me telling me how ugly she was.

Also today on the same day that I found out he's trying to get with this girl, he left me peace offerings on my front porch of cupcakes and popsicles and a Red Bull, my favorite energy drink. So I'm confused anyway.