Vent: I hate it when people call me "strong"

[Water-Lily]

This is to no one in particular. Just a reflection of somethign I have seen throughout my life

So when I tell people my story people often say "omg you are so strong to have survived so much"

That pisses me the fuck off

Mainly because people just assume that me being alive is something "great"

I hate it when my friends say it

I hate it when my therapist says it

It is so god damned invlaidating because I want ot die everyday because of my traumas

So no I am not strong

I want to die and if I had a shotgun I would do it right now

 

[hendry]

Then you probably hate me too. You're right, living isn't a big deal, everyone does it, everyone. And the best, nothing matters, neither life nor purposes. Then we can suffer, die or continue without giving explanations. Without asking for permission!

 

[Water-Lily]

Then you probably hate me too. You're right, living isn't a big deal, everyone does it, everyone. And the best, nothing matters, neither life nor purposes. Then we can suffer, die or continue without giving explanations. Without asking for permission!

If you think I am strong I won't hate you lol. This is just a vent

I mean, so many people are walking around with so many unhealed scars. It reminded me of when I told someone I wish I had their life and they never responded. When I saw that they had experienced child rape, I felt like a dumbass craving their life and neglecting to think about their own trauma

 

[HungryGhost]

I'm so sorry. i hate it too when people say that.
it's so invalidating and what theyre basically saying is "your suffering makes me uncomfortable so please keep it hidden"
Besides humans in general aren't strong, our minds our bodies are very fragile. I dont know why everyone is so obsessed about not showing any weakness

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm so sorry. i hate it too when people say that.
it's so invalidating and what theyre basically saying is "your suffering makes me uncomfortable so please keep it hidden"
Besides humans in general aren't strong, our minds our bodies are very fragile. I dont know why everyone is so obsessed about not showing any weakness

Im not sure if its that per say. Like when my friends and therapist I know they mean it from a good place, but its true that we are fragile. Like I sometimes feel like saying "Ok you think I'm strong? I'll show you how fucking 'strong' I am" proceeds to CTB

 

[Nati]

This is to no one in particular. Just a reflection of somethign I have seen throughout my life

So when I tell people my story people often say "omg you are so strong to have survived so much"

That pisses me the fuck off

Mainly because people just assume that me being alive is something "great"

I hate it when my friends say it

I hate it when my therapist says it

It is so god damned invlaidating because I want ot die everyday because of my traumas

So no I am not strong

I want to die and if I had a shotgun I would do it right now

I don't know how was your life but maybe they're right?
You probably didn't want to kill yourself from the start. You had to suffer and survive and keep going. Maybe try a few treatments, pills, psychological therapy or whatever. So you were strong. Technically still are strong to the rest of the world that want to keep us alive even if we suffer 24/7. But I think in our mind we think we are weak. If I were stronger I would simply take a bus to the near desert and go up a mountain and jump.

These people can't see what's going on inside. Maybe you don't have anger issues, you don't cry in front of them and overall look like a normal person that the only indication to know what is going on is what he tells you. And it doesn't help either because I can say to my therapist I want to kill myself but he see me as a well dressed person that sits straight, smile and talk calmly so I think they'll never take me seriously...

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Can relate. I just went on a rant about it yesterday a lil?

I don't really enjoy the concept of my scars being some trophy of strength but in general im a p. "negative" person. (Negativity is relative so. For lack of better word)

I'm not about fluffing shit up just for the sake of it ‍

Also, it bothers me when people say it bc it feels like they are invalidating the trauma ive been through. Like I get the concept but... why is it a good thing that I survived various categories of abuse? Like yeah its great I survived but... I shouldnt have to go through such awful things..

So yee I feel.

 

[Water-Lily]

someone made a reply here but took it down. Whoever you are, I enjoyed reading your words and I was going to reply :)

Can relate. I just went on a rant about it yesterday a lil?

I don't really enjoy the concept of my scars being some trophy of strength but in general im a p. "negative" person. (Negativity is relative so. For lack of better word)

I'm not about fluffing shit up just for the sake of it ‍

Also, it bothers me when people say it bc it feels like they are invalidating the trauma ive been through. Like I get the concept but... why is it a good thing that I survived various categories of abuse? Like yeah its great I survived but... I shouldnt have to go through such awful things..

So yee I feel.

I really relate to the last part. Like I feel it invalidates everythign I had to suffer through. Like I could have died because my mom literally told me to kill myself. Thats not being strong, that's just misery

 

[Livingvsdying25]

someone made a reply here but took it down. Whoever you are, I enjoyed reading your words and I was going to reply :)

I really relate to the last part. Like I feel it invalidates everythign I had to suffer through. Like I could have died because my mom literally told me to kill myself. Thats not being strong, that's just misery

Im sooo sorry to hear that and I can relate as well as my mother did the same thing...

It's a miserable reality to just... have to come to terms with experiencing abuse. For me I dont fluff much so It is miserable.

I look on to the future for that positivity bc there's nothing good about my past :/

 

[hendry]

It is true. It is not good to compare and less the suffering of people. All pain is immense! There are people who know how to handle pain, but that does not make them better. I think it doesn't matter to pretend, I like sincere people, you know how to deal with them. What do you respond when they say "You are strong"?

 

[Water-Lily]

I don't really. I just acknowledge it but deep down, they don't see how I want to die daily

Im sooo sorry to hear that and I can relate as well as my mother did the same thing...

It's a miserable reality to just... have to come to terms with experiencing abuse. For me I dont fluff much so It is miserable.

I look on to the future for that positivity bc there's nothing good about my past :/

I made a post recently about my past you could check out. But yeah I never really had a childhood

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I don't really. I just acknowledge it but deep down, they don't see how I want to die daily

I made a post recently about my past you could check out. But yeah I never really had a childhood

I'll check it out... I feel like we may have had similar experiences. I really relate to a lot of the things said here. Im always open to talk if ya wanna PM

 

[Water-Lily]

I'll check it out... I feel like we may have had similar experiences. I really relate to a lot of the things said here. Im always open to talk if ya wanna PM

I tried pming you but no luck lol

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I tried pming you but no luck lol

Ohh damn I may have change that setting recently!!! Damn thats why ai wasnt reslly talking to people :/

Thnx for bringing this to my attention. I shall PM and also do some account changing

 

[Water-Lily]

I don't know how was your life but maybe they're right?
You probably didn't want to kill yourself from the start. You had to suffer and survive and keep going. Maybe try a few treatments, pills, psychological therapy or whatever. So you were strong. Technically still are strong to the rest of the world that want to keep us alive even if we suffer 24/7. But I think in our mind we think we are weak. If I were stronger I would simply take a bus to the near desert and go up a mountain and jump.

These people can't see what's going on inside. Maybe you don't have anger issues, you don't cry in front of them and overall look like a normal person that the only indication to know what is going on is what he tells you. And it doesn't help either because I can say to my therapist I want to kill myself but he see me as a well dressed person that sits straight, smile and talk calmly so I think they'll never take me seriously...

I'm glad you put your comment back :)

and yeah that is so true. On the outside we see one another as regular normal people because people don't show their breakdowns and pain openly especially in public. So in my case I don't really open up about my BPD and spiral on them. Though I have told some people about my past tho

Like I know when my therapist calls me strong she's doing it from a genuine place yet I still feel misunderstood. Make sense?

Also true. I feel like to CTB requires a lot of strength and I sometimes feel like I have to show my "strength" by dying so people can seesaw I was really struggling cause I feel they don't understand

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm not strong either. I've lived 33 years just because I failed at ctb and can't find the guts to do it again. (I'm getting my SN but still doubt so much!)

 

[Pookie]

People have told me I'm strong too. I'm not strong, I'm just surviving.

 

[Nati]

I'm glad you put your comment back :)

and yeah that is so true. On the outside we see one another as regular normal people because people don't show their breakdowns and pain openly especially in public. So in my case I don't really open up about my BPD and spiral on them. Though I have told some people about my past tho

Like I know when my therapist calls me strong she's doing it from a genuine place yet I still feel misunderstood. Make sense?

Also true. I feel like to CTB requires a lot of strength and I sometimes feel like I have to show my "strength" by dying so people can seesaw I was really struggling cause I feel they don't understand

That's exactly the annoying part. It doesn't matter you told them.
They won't understand you because you don't show it and they won't understand you even if you tell them exactly how you feel. It's like describing the car to a caveman. They can't understand what they didn't experienced.

You feel misunderstood because that's what happened in that situation. And it's not the therapist fault. There is nothing that can be said that will make this situation better. In my opinion it's better to simply be quiet and listen to avoid making the other feel that way. Or at least be honest about it and say you don't understand.

That's silly. Not only that you're struggling and want to die, now you also want to die to prove others you're struggling? If we're going that route, how about proving to yourself that you're strong?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Can relate really. Being alive doesn't feel like a success for me. I'm indecisive, I spend all my time obsessing over suicide but have not been able to either start recovery or actually kill myself. Being in the state I am in now doesn't make me feel strong for surviving all the mental problems, it makes me feel weak af for having had so many chances to take action and not having used any of them.

 

[AutoTap]

Yeh I feel you. If I was so strong why am I not better? Why havnt I ctb? Etc etc

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

This is to no one in particular. Just a reflection of somethign I have seen throughout my life

So when I tell people my story people often say "omg you are so strong to have survived so much"

That pisses me the fuck off

Mainly because people just assume that me being alive is something "great"

I hate it when my friends say it

I hate it when my therapist says it

It is so god damned invlaidating because I want ot die everyday because of my traumas

So no I am not strong

I want to die and if I had a shotgun I would do it right now

Amen!!!! My mother says this to me all the time. Drives me craz(ier)!!