Hi everybody, I just wanted to take a moment to vent.
I've been 'mentally ill' for 11 years, I've done everything I've been told to do; taken all the pills, attended all the therapy. But nothing has fixed me and nothing will fix me, because what I feel isn't depression but rather existential despair, the experience of navigating this world as a highly sensitive person. In the last couple of years, my physical health has started to rapidly deteriorate too. I am suffering pretty much constantly. If my own issues don't weigh on me, then the state of the world does. I feel that there are very few decent humans, most are evil and corrupt.
I am lonely, sick, tired and in despair. I just want it to end. I'm nearly 24 now and I regularly hope to myself that something will just end my life, a car accident, an aneurism, anything. I'm ready to leave this world behind and hope that I may be reborn into a softer, kinder and more peaceful one. My body, mind, heart and soul are aching, begging me to release myself from this pain, but accomplishing it is extremely difficult.
Below is a poem I wrote last year:
'I exist exclusively in this suffocating concrete block, my body and mind encased in the cold, hard, colourless nothing. The crushing pressure shatters the fragile glass of my soul, my very essence.
The jagged shards, carried through my mortal bloodstream, tear and torture my vessel.
I feel everything in the world and yet I experience none of it.
My heart is a sponge of emotional burden, it absorbs and aches, buckles and bends.
Sustaining such damage, that it is so very hard to recognise what it may once have been.'
To my fellow soft souls, I love you.
I've been 'mentally ill' for 11 years, I've done everything I've been told to do; taken all the pills, attended all the therapy. But nothing has fixed me and nothing will fix me, because what I feel isn't depression but rather existential despair, the experience of navigating this world as a highly sensitive person. In the last couple of years, my physical health has started to rapidly deteriorate too. I am suffering pretty much constantly. If my own issues don't weigh on me, then the state of the world does. I feel that there are very few decent humans, most are evil and corrupt.
I am lonely, sick, tired and in despair. I just want it to end. I'm nearly 24 now and I regularly hope to myself that something will just end my life, a car accident, an aneurism, anything. I'm ready to leave this world behind and hope that I may be reborn into a softer, kinder and more peaceful one. My body, mind, heart and soul are aching, begging me to release myself from this pain, but accomplishing it is extremely difficult.
Below is a poem I wrote last year:
'I exist exclusively in this suffocating concrete block, my body and mind encased in the cold, hard, colourless nothing. The crushing pressure shatters the fragile glass of my soul, my very essence.
The jagged shards, carried through my mortal bloodstream, tear and torture my vessel.
I feel everything in the world and yet I experience none of it.
My heart is a sponge of emotional burden, it absorbs and aches, buckles and bends.
Sustaining such damage, that it is so very hard to recognise what it may once have been.'
To my fellow soft souls, I love you.
