Discussion V is for Virginity

[Sinai Silence]

Hey SS peeps!

So a couple of weeks ago I met up with some high school friends who I haven't spoken to in years since they went to university. One of the topics that was brought up was about sex, what a shocker. Sharing stories and pictures that shouldn't be shared with other people, I won't go into any more about it.

One of the questions asked what was you 'body count' which was one of the questions I couldn't escape, they all answered and I was last. So I lied and answered with the next closest number to zero, just so it wouldn't be awkward and/or they wouldn't make fun of me for it. I don't care about being a virgin myself but it just gets exhausting from people who know and wont stfu about it.

So I have been considering the option of hiring an escort before I ctb and there's a few reasons for this; firstly just to say I have so people will leave me the f*ck alone about it, no one should be shamed for being a virgin but it happens all too often. Secondly I have tried a bunch of different dating apps but never got anything out of them, I never knew what I wanted from them and my social skills are next to none. Lastly to see what all the hype is about. People are always looking for the most talked about show to watch on Netflix and sex is the biggest thing since asexual reproduction.

I read a post on Reddit recently about a guy who had been single for a long time since his last relationship and hadn't had sex since, his mental health wasn't doing great during and after his last relationship. He expressed his gratitude for the sex worker and how great he felt after for just having physical contact with another person. I know it won't cure me of my mental health problems if I am to go through with it, nor do I want it to. Just got me thinking that's all.

Furthermore I would be paying for a service so I (hopefully) wont have anything to feel ashamed of from the experience. Like when I go to KFC and gorge on chicken wings like the ravenous animal I am, I don't mind that the till worker is giving me disgusted/horrified looks. All jokes aside I would want to make sure it was as safe as it can be for both me and the sex worker. Obviously there's the ethical questions behind it too; although if there's demand for something there will always be a market for it, legal or not. Whether I want to or not my opinion is that it should be legalized and given regulation to make sure that workers are in a safe environment.

Anyways nothing is set in stone yet and I would like to hear your thoughts/opinions on it. What do you guys think is the best thing for me to do and what are your thoughts on the sex industry and workers in general?

 

[Good4Nothing]

I think it's ridiculous that sex work is illegal.
Often dating is a trade anyway: a nice dinner, some drinks and a night on the town for some sexy time. What's the difference?
I also haven't had sex since the last girl I dated, and I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been. Let me know how your escort experience turns out - I might wanna try it myself.

 

[Isadeth]

I fully support sex workers.

You focus on you and get what you want done. I think it's great this is even an option for you. ♡ also, don't worry about friends or feeling embarrassed ever. I personally think it's great you don't have a high "body count"... but if you want to add one to your total, sex work is absolutely the way to go. Good luck! I'm sure everything will be fine. But definitely look into them first. ♡

 

[Lmd]

Sex is overrated and to enjoy it you need more than just one night. If you have money consider doing it in a more affective way going somewhere with your escort or trying to be open with her and make things less...cold?

 

[Sinai Silence]

I think it's ridiculous that sex work is illegal.
Often dating is a trade anyway: a nice dinner, some drinks and a night on the town for some sexy time. What's the difference?
I also haven't had sex since the last girl I dated, and I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been. Let me know how your escort experience turns out - I might wanna try it myself.

It is just extra steps for the same result to put it bluntly. I'm sorry to hear you've been single for a long time, I hope you find someone who appreciates you and cares for you ❤

I fully support sex workers.

You focus on you and get what you want done. I think it's great this is even an option for you. ♡ also, don't worry about friends or feeling embarrassed ever. I personally think it's great you don't have a high "body count"... but if you want to add one to your total, sex work is absolutely the way to go. Good luck! I'm sure everything will be fine. But definitely look into them first. ♡

I'm glad to hear people feel the same way, I feel its an industry that could be great if the workers were supported and not exploited for their vulnerability.

Thanks for being so supportive! I will definitely have to look round first, I want to make sure that the person is comfortable and in control of their situation. I wouldn't know the first place to look but I'm sure I'll find out.

Sex is overrated and to enjoy it you need more than just one night. If you have money consider doing it in a more affective way going somewhere with your escort or trying to be open with her and make things less...cold?

I do believe honesty is the best policy so I will take this advice whole heartedly. Where would you consider taking them though? Kinda make it into a date but we both know its not?

 

[zeroambition]

My mum is going to hire me a sex worker for my 21st birthday. I can't drive or have the confidence to use public transport so she will have to wait outside in the car..

 

[Sinai Silence]

My mum is going to hire me a sex worker for my 21st birthday. I can't drive or have the confidence to use public transport so she will have to wait outside in the car..

Wow I could never imagine my mum getting anything like that for my birthday haha

Your mum sounds awesome, she seems like a very progressive and caring woman. I hope she doesn't have to wait too long

 

[Lmd]

I do believe honesty is the best policy so I will take this advice whole heartedly. Where would you consider taking them though? Kinda make it into a date but we both know its not?

I don't know what your intentions are or what do you expect about that experience but if you are a virgin and have 0 experience with anything related to it everything's gonna be awkward you are gonna act clumsy, you know, typical stuff actually. Just try to get a comfortable enviroment for at least sense a bit of affection or leaving the place with a good sensation. I'm sure you are gonna do it anyway because I understand that feeling of "I didn't do anything in my entire life!" and how breaking that barrier makes people feel somehow good.

I don't know your age but if you are between 20-25 It's normal to be a virgin so even if you think you are in a corner being a weirdo and thinking that nobody is gonna love you never I guarantee you that this will change someday and there's no need to rush it right now

 

[harkovv]

I was a sex worker last year and i fully support it. It was a great experience for me to be honest. Being a sex worker should be decriminalizated.
If you feel like doing it - just book an appointment. Make sure u feel safe, tell her about your expectation. It's totally normal, thing that a lot of people do.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I was a sex worker last year and i fully support it. It was a great experience for me to be honest. Being a sex worker should be decriminalizated.
If you feel like doing it - just book an appointment. Make sure u feel safe, tell her about your expectation. It's totally normal, thing that a lot of people do.

I totally agree with you.

I will do! Thanks for the advice

I don't know what your intentions are or what do you expect about that experience but if you are a virgin and have 0 experience with anything related to it everything's gonna be awkward you are gonna act clumsy, you know, typical stuff actually. Just try to get a comfortable enviroment for at least sense a bit of affection or leaving the place with a good sensation. I'm sure you are gonna do it anyway because I understand that feeling of "I didn't do anything in my entire life!" and how breaking that barrier makes people feel somehow good.

I don't know your age but if you are between 20-25 It's normal to be a virgin so even if you think you are in a corner being a weirdo and thinking that nobody is gonna love you never I guarantee you that this will change someday and there's no need to rush it right now

Im sure it will be awkward but it will be less awkward than with someone who expects something out of it from me apart from money. At least both parties get what they want out of the exchange.

I'll take that advice on though thanks! I am a noob in this field :)

You're right that its entirely normal to be a virgin, but I'm not planning on being here longer than I need to so it's more to just have the experience for me then move on. I hope that makes sense I think I could've explained it better.

I'm personally not looking for love, I'm looking to ctb. I don't think it would be fair to put a person through that, let alone with how my mental health is anyways.

 

[ArtySchopenhauer]

If anything, I feel bad for sex workers. A lot, if not most, are forced into it for many to pay bills or whatever. And I'm sure it's pretty degrading to have some weird sweaty guys who you wouldn't look at twice irl fuck you like a blow-up doll with a fleshlight. I don't think it should be legal, but it's still quite sad to think about.

I don't think you should worry about having sex though. If someone asks, it's none of their buisness, you can just lie. I highly doubt it improved that guy's mental health much either tbh. If anything, it gave him a burst of pleasure followed by that feeling of dissapointment and emptiness. Reddit ain't a bastion of honesty and truth kek. I highly doubt, myself, it would do much good for anyone. It's only in desire of it where it has any power or appeal. Then it's just a shudder of pleasure and probably shame lol.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you do.

 

[TAW122]

Hey SS peeps!

So a couple of weeks ago I met up with some high school friends who I haven't spoken to in years since they went to university. One of the topics that was brought up was about sex, what a shocker. Sharing stories and pictures that shouldn't be shared with other people, I won't go into any more about it.

One of the questions asked what was you 'body count' which was one of the questions I couldn't escape, they all answered and I was last. So I lied and answered with the next closest number to zero, just so it wouldn't be awkward and/or they wouldn't make fun of me for it. I don't care about being a virgin myself but it just gets exhausting from people who know and wont stfu about it.

So I have been considering the option of hiring an escort before I ctb and there's a few reasons for this; firstly just to say I have so people will leave me the f*ck alone about it, no one should be shamed for being a virgin but it happens all too often. Secondly I have tried a bunch of different dating apps but never got anything out of them, I never knew what I wanted from them and my social skills are next to none. Lastly to see what all the hype is about. People are always looking for the most talked about show to watch on Netflix and sex is the biggest thing since asexual reproduction.

I read a post on Reddit recently about a guy who had been single for a long time since his last relationship and hadn't had sex since, his mental health wasn't doing great during and after his last relationship. He expressed his gratitude for the sex worker and how great he felt after for just having physical contact with another person. I know it won't cure me of my mental health problems if I am to go through with it, nor do I want it to. Just got me thinking that's all.

Furthermore I would be paying for a service so I (hopefully) wont have anything to feel ashamed of from the experience. Like when I go to KFC and gorge on chicken wings like the ravenous animal I am, I don't mind that the till worker is giving me disgusted/horrified looks. All jokes aside I would want to make sure it was as safe as it can be for both me and the sex worker. Obviously there's the ethical questions behind it too; although if there's demand for something there will always be a market for it, legal or not. Whether I want to or not my opinion is that it should be legalized and given regulation to make sure that workers are in a safe environment.

Anyways nothing is set in stone yet and I would like to hear your thoughts/opinions on it. What do you guys think is the best thing for me to do and what are your thoughts on the sex industry and workers in general?

This is just my two cents on this. I have no qualms going to an escort/sex worker just to lose my virginity. In fact, that's exactly what I did a year ago, in 2019 (before the pandemic and all). It wasn't so much of the label of being a 'virgin' (sure that was a factor but not the main one) as I didn't care that much of what society thinks or defines me, I live by my own rules, standards, and all. I mainly went because I wanted to understand what 'sex' felt like and experience it for myself (knowledge and curiosity).

 

[Sinai Silence]

If anything, I feel bad for sex workers. A lot, if not most, are forced into it for many to pay bills or whatever. And I'm sure it's pretty degrading to have some weird sweaty guys who you wouldn't look at twice irl fuck you like a blow-up doll with a fleshlight. I don't think it should be legal, but it's still quite sad to think about.

I don't think you should worry about having sex though. If someone asks, it's none of their buisness, you can just lie. I highly doubt it improved that guy's mental health much either tbh. If anything, it gave him a burst of pleasure followed by that feeling of dissapointment and emptiness. Reddit ain't a bastion of honesty and truth kek. I highly doubt, myself, it would do much good for anyone. It's only in desire of it where it has any power or appeal. Then it's just a shudder of pleasure and probably shame lol.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you do.

This is just my two cents on this. I have no qualms going to an escort/sex worker just to lose my virginity. In fact, that's exactly what I did a year ago, in 2019 (before the pandemic and all). It wasn't so much of the label of being a 'virgin' (sure that was a factor but not the main one) as I didn't care that much of what society thinks or defines me, I live by my own rules, standards, and all. I mainly went because I wanted to understand what 'sex' felt like and experience it for myself (knowledge and curiosity).

Its good to hear you're not influenced by society's standards. What was your overall experience with it, did the experience live up to your expectations?

 

[TAW122]

Its good to hear you're not influenced by society's standards. What was your overall experience with it, did the experience live up to your expectations?

For the most part, yes, and there were some things that I could never have known until I experienced it for myself. One such example is that intercourse can be rather physically exhausting, depending on what one is doing and also the physical stamina of one person.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Sex work is cool but I'm gonna make it to 30 as a virgin to get my wizard powers. Also what I really want is to be loved, which payed sex can't give me.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Sex work is cool but I'm gonna make it to 30 as a virgin to get my wizard powers. Also what I really want is to be loved, which payed sex can't give me.

You will be an awesome wizard! As long as you use your powers for good Maybe once you become a wizard you will find a witch and you will be an unstoppable force!

Finding true love feels impossible at times, I hope you find someone who cares for you. Its the least you deserve

 

[Pryras]

Ultimately it's your choice but as another user mentioned you shouldn't feel pressured to lose your virginity because of others. It's not a competition and something you should just get over with...if that makes sense? And let me tell you a secret! Guys who constantly talk about sex likely aren't having any!!
It's all talk because they have nothing else going on...so don't feel pressured.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Ultimately it's your choice but as another user mentioned you shouldn't feel pressured to lose your virginity because of others. It's not a competition and something you should just get over with...if that makes sense? And let me tell you a secret! Guys who constantly talk about sex likely aren't having any!!
It's all talk because they have nothing else going on...so don't feel pressured.

Very true, its just another basic function people have. It would be like making a competition on how many times someone's pooped in their life I do wish there was less societal pressure round it but its asking a lot with some people.

Very true, it just shows they haven't got anything interesting to say about themselves.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm not against sex workers or the industry but I personally feel like people's idea of finding an escort sucks.
It's best to wait till you have it resolved in a relationship than having to remind yourself you did it with an escort just cause of peer pressure.
If you feel like it isn't something that'll bother you in the future, then go for it I guess.

I've actually always considered it to be unsafe getting involved with sex workers.
Higher chances of catching things imo.
It also seems somewhat un-meaningful.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I'm not against sex workers or the industry but I personally feel like people's idea of finding an escort sucks.
It's best to wait till you have it resolved in a relationship than having to remind yourself you did it with an escort just cause of peer pressure.
If you feel like it isn't something that'll bother you in the future, then go for it I guess.

I've actually always considered it to be unsafe getting involved with sex workers.
Higher chances of catching things imo.
It also seems somewhat un-meaningful.

It wouldn't bother me personally but I can see how it would affect others. I think as long as you take the necessary precautions it will be alright. It is just a service at the end of the day so I wouldnt expect it to be meaningful.

 

[KleinerWolf]

It wouldn't bother me personally but I can see how it would affect others. I think as long as you take the necessary precautions it will be alright. It is just a service at the end of the day so I wouldnt expect it to be meaningful.

I'd say people like me also put an emphasis on emotional connection as opposed to sex on its own.
Especially the first time.
But perhaps not a lot of people think like this.
Everyone is unique in determining how they go about their own life,
choices to be made. :)

 

[Eren]

I'm going to give you my opinion about this.

I am not a virgin, I had a girlfriend at 19, but since then I have not had sex or any romantic relationship, I am in the process of diagnosing autism, my social skills are practically nil and the truth is that I am not physically very attractive either, so I know what it's like to feel like you're never going to find anyone.

I don't think there is anything immoral about having an encounter with an escort, there are even people who their first time was that way, although in my point of view, it is much better to wait for a special person to have your first time, at least I , I would rather wait at 30 and do it with someone special, than do it with an escort. For me, sex is a way of expressing romantic love for someone special, although I understand that not everyone sees it the same way.

Do not worry about what others say about you on that topic ... people will always criticize you for something, live your life as you want, not as others want.

Hugs

 

[TAW122]

Do not worry about what others say about you on that topic ... people will always criticize you for something, live your life as you want, not as others want.

Good point there and that is indeed true IRL. It is impossible to please and satisfy everyone as there will always be a group of dissenters or just disagreeable people.

Also, with respect to losing it at 30 to someone 'special', personally, I don't see my prospects being great, especially given my personal circumstances (my non-existent social skills, Aspergers, being a minority in the US, and other factors), so I was glad I took action to lose it through an escort as my first time, at age 29, in 2019, before all this pandemic (I didn't do it forseeing a pandemic, but went mainly because I knew time was not on my side and mainly wanted to 'know what it feels like'). I consider it a very wise decision and even to this day, I have no regrets. Had I not gone through with it last year, I'd be a wizard this year (30 year old virgin) which would be an additional reason for my wanting to CTB. Luckily, that is not the case and I won't have to carry to my grave that I became a 'wizard' which is a small relief for me.

 

[Eren]

Good point there and that is indeed true IRL. It is impossible to please and satisfy everyone as there will always be a group of dissenters or just disagreeable people.

Also, with respect to losing it at 30 to someone 'special', personally, I don't see my prospects being great, especially given my personal circumstances (my non-existent social skills, Aspergers, being a minority in the US, and other factors), so I was glad I took action to lose it through an escort as my first time, at age 29, in 2019, before all this pandemic (I didn't do it forseeing a pandemic, but went mainly because I knew time was not on my side and mainly wanted to 'know what it feels like'). I consider it a very wise decision and even to this day, I have no regrets. Had I not gone through with it last year, I'd be a wizard this year (30 year old virgin) which would be an additional reason for my wanting to CTB. Luckily, that is not the case and I won't have to carry to my grave that I became a 'wizard' which is a small relief for me.

And I am happy for you, that you are happy with your decision, I just gave my point of view of how I feel about sex, in my case I would feel bad paying for sex and would not give me real satisfaction, but each person is different and I don't judge anyone for it.

Also what I really want is to be loved, which payed sex can't give me.

Same..

 

[Sinai Silence]

I'm going to give you my opinion about this.

I am not a virgin, I had a girlfriend at 19, but since then I have not had sex or any romantic relationship, I am in the process of diagnosing autism, my social skills are practically nil and the truth is that I am not physically very attractive either, so I know what it's like to feel like you're never going to find anyone.

I don't think there is anything immoral about having an encounter with an escort, there are even people who their first time was that way, although in my point of view, it is much better to wait for a special person to have your first time, at least I , I would rather wait at 30 and do it with someone special, than do it with an escort. For me, sex is a way of expressing romantic love for someone special, although I understand that not everyone sees it the same way.

Do not worry about what others say about you on that topic ... people will always criticize you for something, live your life as you want, not as others want.

Hugs

Yeah it really sucks to get bad genetics, especially when looking for a soulmate. I've never been diagnosed with autism but I certainly feel like I'm on the spectrum, socializing feels like a foreign language to me. There are always ways to improve physical attraction though, stuff like going to the gym, presentation and plastic surgery can go a long way for people feeling more comfortable in their own skin. I feel like getting over the mental factors is a different type of mountain to climb though.

I'm sure it is better to wait for that special someone to give it a significant meaning but for me personally I don't plan on making it to 30. So having a S/O just seems unfair to me. Everyone can make their own choice though and shouldn't be ashamed with what they choose. It just gets to me because when people make fun of me (or anyone) for it they do it because they think they are better than me for it. It feels like a byproduct of the societal pressure from Natalism, I know my family wont get off my back about it. I'd never want to bring a child into this world.

Sending hugs your way too and thanks for sharing

Good point there and that is indeed true IRL. It is impossible to please and satisfy everyone as there will always be a group of dissenters or just disagreeable people.

Also, with respect to losing it at 30 to someone 'special', personally, I don't see my prospects being great, especially given my personal circumstances (my non-existent social skills, Aspergers, being a minority in the US, and other factors), so I was glad I took action to lose it through an escort as my first time, at age 29, in 2019, before all this pandemic (I didn't do it forseeing a pandemic, but went mainly because I knew time was not on my side and mainly wanted to 'know what it feels like'). I consider it a very wise decision and even to this day, I have no regrets. Had I not gone through with it last year, I'd be a wizard this year (30 year old virgin) which would be an additional reason for my wanting to CTB. Luckily, that is not the case and I won't have to carry to my grave that I became a 'wizard' which is a small relief for me.

At the end of the day everyone has their own opinions and will voice them to their hearts content.

I'm glad to hear you were happy with your decision, its a shame to hear that you feel those circumstances dampen your chances at finding love. Being a socially awkward minority myself I hope you find someone who sees your personal circumstances as what makes you a beautiful human I feel like the pandemic has thrown off my chances too, I saw a picture today of strippers wearing the face shields (idk if it was legit or not so don't quote me on it). I'm not sure how the pandemic will affect escorts but I'm questioning now whether or not to go through with it.

I could die tomorrow and not feel remorse for not ever doing it, but I wouldn't want to be remembered like that. It isn't a reason for me to ctb more of tying up loose ends.