Story Useless.

[spiderwbs]

I'm so useless in my life, I can never understand how I can function life without doing anything... I'm 19 years old, I graduated high school not that long ago, I'm in college taking only 2 classes, I don't even have a job and I don't even drive that well. I only have a permit but I feel like that's not even good enough.… there are so many people who are working hard, living their best lives, driving, going out and having friends.. People around my age have their shit together and all I do is sit around and be on my phone or clean the house…. Sometimes I'm not even allowed to go outside by myself…. Sometimes I cannot do things that other people can do, I feel like I don't even belong anywhere because I don't fit in. I don't have friends, people don't reach out and tell me if they want to hang out and I don't even get invited anywhere. I wish I had a normal life and I can do what I like, and I can drive and have a well-paid job.. I wish I was like other people, I wish I was normal. I feel like a dumbass, I do nothing in my life. I disappointed everyone. I let my family and boyfriend down. I feel like I let everyone down and I'm ashamed of who I became to be…. Literally existing is all of my fault. I never asked to be born, I wish my mom like given me up when I was a baby and she would be better off without me. I wish she had my sister first instead of me.. My sister is way more successful than I am, and she has a better future ahead of her instead of me. She's in her last year of high school and she's doing great. She has a job, and she's actually learning how to drive…. But me???? No. I will never have a normal functioning brain and do things that everyone else my age can do, I'm almost 20 and I still don't even read a fucking clock. Sounds random to say but that's how brain-dead I really am, I cannot do a simple task without fucking it up……. I hate my life so much I feel useless and hopeless, I feel like life has taught me nothing, I wish I was happy, I wish I was normal like the rest of the world is… I wish I was treated like a human being?!?!?? I deserve nothing.

 

[warm dreams]

I sincerely understand you. I have absolutely the same thoughts. I have absolutely the same life situation. And I don't know what's going on. Why am I like this? For what? Feeling like you put your life on pause. The feeling as if everyone knows what to do while you are completely alone in confusion. I lie on my bed all day. I have terrible apathy. I have no motivation to do or achieve anything. I always wanted only one thing: to be normal. I hate myself that my family has a son like me. It's horrible.

I would like you to know that you are not alone. I met people on this forum who have the same life situation and it made me feel better. Therefore, you also know: what happens to you also happens to us, the people on this forum. I hope everything goes well for you.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Not having friends is a horrible thing no one deserves I used to have tons of friends but for the last decade had none I feel most of our memorable experiences in life is experiences we share with others so no one deserve to be left out like that.
I too can´t do the simplest stuff I have learned a little but I am 29 and trust me if you feel this way now at 19 imagine 10 years on top of that while everyone is educated, got a job, has lots of money, friends, vacations etc. and there might even be someone reading my comment now 5-10 years older than me thinking the same about me add 10 more years on top of my age and life is way more horrible.

When you reach 18-20 and realize that you can´t do the adult stuff like get an education and a job which is the harder thing but also can´t even do the basic stuff it really dawns on you although it took me way longer than you to truly realize that I couldn´t even do the smallest stuff, I knew I could not work since I was 18 but the smaller stuff took way longer and it´s embarrassing not being able to do what everyone else finds so easy they don´t even think about so I get where you´re coming from also with a successful sibling, I love mine but one of my siblings is so successful in life and just seems to win at everything in life while I fail and suffer through everything but I´d still rather have it be me who suffers than the people I love.

I also have trouble driving but to me it´s only in big cities I get anxiety to the point of anxiety attack or at least I did the last times and it´s so frustrating especially when you sit next to someone who drives around in the big cities like it´s no biggie. Normal people are so lucky and I am not talking about the super gifted who won at everything in life but just normal people, normal looking, good health both mental and physical and can handle all the tasks in life both education, work and all the smaller things.

 

[warm dreams]

Not having friends is a horrible thing no one deserves I used to have tons of friends but for the last decade had none I feel most of our memorable experiences in life is experiences we share with others so no one deserve to be left out like that.
I too can´t do the simplest stuff I have learned a little but I am 29 and trust me if you feel this way now at 19 imagine 10 years on top of that while everyone is educated, got a job, has lots of money, friends, vacations etc. and there might even be someone reading my comment now 5-10 years older than me thinking the same about me add 10 more years on top of my age and life is way more horrible.

When you reach 18-20 and realize that you can´t do the adult stuff like get an education and a job which is the harder thing but also can´t even do the basic stuff it really dawns on you although it took me way longer than you to truly realize that I couldn´t even do the smallest stuff, I knew I could not work since I was 18 but the smaller stuff took way longer and it´s embarrassing not being able to do what everyone else finds so easy they don´t even think about so I get where you´re coming from also with a successful sibling, I love mine but one of my siblings is so successful in life and just seems to win at everything in life while I fail and suffer through everything but I´d still rather have it be me who suffers than the people I love.

I also have trouble driving but to me it´s only in big cities I get anxiety to the point of anxiety attack or at least I did the last times and it´s so frustrating especially when you sit next to someone who drives around in the big cities like it´s no biggie. Normal people are so lucky and I am not talking about the super gifted who won at everything in life but just normal people, normal looking, good health both mental and physical and can handle all the tasks in life both education, work and all the smaller things.

I am 20 years old, and my cousin is 16. She developed her Instagram selling clothes and now has a lot of money. She goes to clubs, dresses in expensive brands, and has breakfast in restaurants. Her parents didn't help her. (Forgive me for my prejudice or chauvinism, but I justify her by the fact that she is Jewish and therefore has such success at her age). This is so damaging to self-esteem. I constantly compare myself to others. I constantly live in fear that I am falling behind normal people. I constantly do what others do, although it is hard for me. I hate myself so much.

Sorry for the personal question. Did you have the same thing? Do you have any disorders? Over the last 10 years of your life, have things only gotten worse for you?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I am 20 years old, and my cousin is 16. She developed her Instagram selling clothes and now has a lot of money. She goes to clubs, dresses in expensive brands, and has breakfast in restaurants. Her parents didn't help her. (Forgive me for my prejudice or chauvinism, but I justify her by the fact that she is Jewish and therefore has such success at her age). This is so damaging to self-esteem. I constantly compare myself to others. I constantly live in fear that I am falling behind normal people. I constantly do what others do, although it is hard for me. I hate myself so much.

Sorry for the personal question. Did you have the same thing? Do you have any disorders? Over the last 10 years of your life, have things only gotten worse for you?

I am in kind of the same boat my little brother is very successful has his own two businesses and a job on the side, is a bodybuilder with an amazing body, girlfriend, dog and a baby on the way so he is everything I am not i.e. also happy and successful in life but I am glad that if anyone had to suffer it would be me I wouldn´t want to see my family suffer I just think I got a little too much of the burden as in suffering from over a dozen physical or mental disorders such as Asperger's, anxiety, psoriasis, scoliosis, colorblind, apathetic and anhedonic and many more but this is just a few where as most people (AND IT IS IN FACT MOST PEOPLE) really don´t have any struggles but everyone will just say that "everyone has problems" like it is the same for a person "only" with mild anxiety is the same as people who suffer from everything I do and anxiety in such an extreme case I need meds to keep it at bay.

 

[warm dreams]

I am in kind of the same boat my little brother is very successful has his own two businesses and a job on the side, is a bodybuilder with an amazing body, girlfriend, dog and a baby on the way so he is everything I am not i.e. also happy and successful in life but I am glad that if anyone had to suffer it would be me I wouldn´t want to see my family suffer I just think I got a little too much of the burden as in suffering from over a dozen physical or mental disorders such as Asperger's, anxiety, psoriasis, scoliosis, colorblind, apathetic and anhedonic and many more but this is just a few where as most people (AND IT IS IN FACT MOST PEOPLE) really don´t have any struggles but everyone will just say that "everyone has problems" like it is the same for a person "only" with mild anxiety is the same as people who suffer from everything I do and anxiety in such an extreme case I need meds to keep it at bay.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you... This life is so damn unfair. But partly, I understand you. I would rather experience that suffering than my relatives. I hope everything goes well for you.

 

[Kit1]

It is so sad to read about your struggles and it is shocking to see how many people share some of these struggles and are on this forum. I have struggled with communicating with other people (though I don't think people realise this) and can become suicidal if I spend too long in the company of other people. It is only this year that I found out about autism (despite caring for others who are autistic) and it had been an eye opener of how many of mybstruggles are due to neurodivergence. I am now trying to rewrite the way I lead my life so that perhaps I can live knowing what my boundaries are and it does help - work in progress and definitely not a linear process.

I hope that you find some solace, understanding and peace. Take care.

 

[Pancake]

I'm so useless in my life, I can never understand how I can function life without doing anything... I'm 19 years old, I graduated high school not that long ago, I'm in college taking only 2 classes, I don't even have a job and I don't even drive that well. I only have a permit but I feel like that's not even good enough.… there are so many people who are working hard, living their best lives, driving, going out and having friends.. People around my age have their shit together and all I do is sit around and be on my phone or clean the house…. Sometimes I'm not even allowed to go outside by myself…. Sometimes I cannot do things that other people can do, I feel like I don't even belong anywhere because I don't fit in. I don't have friends, people don't reach out and tell me if they want to hang out and I don't even get invited anywhere. I wish I had a normal life and I can do what I like, and I can drive and have a well-paid job.. I wish I was like other people, I wish I was normal. I feel like a dumbass, I do nothing in my life. I disappointed everyone. I let my family and boyfriend down. I feel like I let everyone down and I'm ashamed of who I became to be…. Literally existing is all of my fault. I never asked to be born, I wish my mom like given me up when I was a baby and she would be better off without me. I wish she had my sister first instead of me.. My sister is way more successful than I am, and she has a better future ahead of her instead of me. She's in her last year of high school and she's doing great. She has a job, and she's actually learning how to drive…. But me???? No. I will never have a normal functioning brain and do things that everyone else my age can do, I'm almost 20 and I still don't even read a fucking clock. Sounds random to say but that's how brain-dead I really am, I cannot do a simple task without fucking it up……. I hate my life so much I feel useless and hopeless, I feel like life has taught me nothing, I wish I was happy, I wish I was normal like the rest of the world is… I wish I was treated like a human being?!?!?? I deserve nothing.

Me too

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm 18 and I relate so much. I'm a useless failure. Only death can fix my failure. But, as for you, I wish you the best and I hope that you manage to make a good life one day. Of course it isn't always possible but I hope you make a good life