I'm going back to the psych ward in 3 hours (on a day pass at the moment) and need to bring something from home to CTB... I can't handle this pain any longer. They check my bag when I come in so it'd need to be small enough to hide in my pants or bra. I tried making a noose out of bed sheets yesterday and succeeded but they found it and took it away and gave me special anti-ligature bed sheets that I can't rip. The only hang point is the top of the door. Please give me ideas on what's small enough that I can bring! I don't think I have the pain tolerance for cutting either, I'm more fixed on hanging.
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HeckingHecked
Student
- Nov 9, 2021
- 182
They'll probably do 15 minute checks, so it's unlikely that you could hang yourself in a hospital.
EDIT: Also, they typically do entire body patdowns, so you can't bring anything in.
EDIT: Also, they typically do entire body patdowns, so you can't bring anything in.
They get lazy overnight and don't do 15 min checks, I feel confident that I could find the time. They also don't do body patdowns, I've gone out and come back in on a leave pass many times before
Rayzieka
Not Really Here
- Apr 28, 2021
- 637
Don't risk getting more freedom taken from you. Please hold on until it's time.
They make it impossible to kill yourself in there.
They make it impossible to kill yourself in there.
HeckingHecked
Student
- Nov 9, 2021
- 182
My friend RAN on a psychiatric hold. She threw herself from a building at a construction site. Enough had been enough. I don't think you can self-harm in a psych ward.
If you are so hell-bent on self-harming, a psych ward may do you good. If you are a young, vibrant person full of life and activity and expression and talent maybe you can work on those qualities instead of sitting there thinking you deserve the death penalty. WTF did you do wrong to make you so suicidal? Does someone beat you all day long? Report them. Did someone hurt you as a child? Divorce them. Move on. You don't deserve to spend your life trekking into and out of shelters / hospitals / psych wards as I have. I don't know. I'm sorry you are in pain. Should you make a decision, I'm sorry it had to end that way. I can't judge - I just wish you'd wait another day. Take off. Leave your house. Run. don't go to the psych ward? Experience freedom. Why are they coming in 3 hours when it's a psych-emergency? Just GO. Shit. Go for a walk - go for a 12 hour walk. It's fun. I've done it LOTS :)
If you are so hell-bent on self-harming, a psych ward may do you good. If you are a young, vibrant person full of life and activity and expression and talent maybe you can work on those qualities instead of sitting there thinking you deserve the death penalty. WTF did you do wrong to make you so suicidal? Does someone beat you all day long? Report them. Did someone hurt you as a child? Divorce them. Move on. You don't deserve to spend your life trekking into and out of shelters / hospitals / psych wards as I have. I don't know. I'm sorry you are in pain. Should you make a decision, I'm sorry it had to end that way. I can't judge - I just wish you'd wait another day. Take off. Leave your house. Run. don't go to the psych ward? Experience freedom. Why are they coming in 3 hours when it's a psych-emergency? Just GO. Shit. Go for a walk - go for a 12 hour walk. It's fun. I've done it LOTS :)
I have no idea how much longer I'll be in this place but I'd rather CTB here than at my parent's place and have my parent's find my body. I'm thinking at the moment that I'll bring a long sleeve top to cut up and make a ligature out of.
It's not something that was done to me, I killed someone and can't live with myself. I have no choice but to go back to the psych ward, if I try to run they'll follow me. I'm on 3 hours of day leave, it's not a psych emergency.
It's not something that was done to me, I killed someone and can't live with myself. I have no choice but to go back to the psych ward, if I try to run they'll follow me. I'm on 3 hours of day leave, it's not a psych emergency.
Oh, well, I know nothing about that. jesus. Yeah, I'd be a basketcase, also. You killed someone - shit. At least you feel bad and aren't chest thumping and proud of it. jesus F*ing Christ. I've had murderers in my space. i've had one break into my living room window and I've had one sleep on my floor (I thought he needed help). They were both flippant about their murder. At least you have feelings and won't do it again. Good for you.
Thanks for at least not being able to "live with yourself". I know a lot of "good" american people who have done terrible things to others and don't have a conscience, don't get upset, don't have feelings, never become suicidal, never have regrets, never feel like they've done anything wrong. I'm not "sorry" that you're upset and frantic. People should have anxiety and feelings like that. It's just nice to see a person who does. I'm not used to it. It's refreshing and new to me.
miserableforever
Arcanist
- Oct 23, 2020
- 488
I want to go on walks like that, sounds like great relief.
OMG, sometimes making a fool of yourself is fun. I used to go swimming at my gym. When nobody was around, I'd go under the water and scream and scream and scream. I couldn't figure out how else to express myself. Nobody saw me. My PTSD is too bad now (since Covid, a little before) to swim. I'd near water headphones. I'm in war-mode. My head has a damned television on inside.
Other good thing to try (if you can drink without self-harm or overindugence: have a glass of wine and go for a walk. Go uphill if you can and see a pretty view. There's a nice view in Seattle of all of Seattle. The hill is called Queen Anne. I worked days and studied at nights from home. When i was done studying (around 10:30) I'd take a walk up to the top, look at the view and come home. Sometimes, I'd walk really fast (I can't go running anymore). it's invigorating. Gyms - gyms are good for suicidal people. I highly recommend using a gym at least 5x a week. In addition to getting your blood moving and mind cleared, it's good for your heart.
If you want to go out toilet papering houses sometime, give me a call. we could find yr worst enemy. :) J/K
Hey guys, I'm back on the psych ward now with an extra shirt. I don't know if this is the best plan or if I'll even be able to make a workable noose out of a it but I just don't know what else to do anymore :(
wow. I would never know what to say. I don't know the details of your crime. I'd still never want to see someone kill themselves. I'd just say - think about things you can do to make up for what you did to another life. Taking your own will do society no good. Maybe you can do things for others in need when you calm down and work through your feelings. Maybe you can be truly sorry and help others in need, give your life for others (to some extent) in exchange and do something for your world when you feel like you have changed.
There are plenty of people who have killed others who have eventually started not-for-profits, they've helped to better society and help others who have similar problems. I know that today is probably not a time to talk about that. I'm sure guilt is eating you. It's nice that you have some and are "choking on it". At least you are a feeling person with emotions who can't cope with what they've done, which is better than a lot of people out there.
hang in there. My words look stupid. Really though - I mean it.
Good luck - R
Last edited by a moderator:
Yeah I've been trying to make up for what I did, I'm even in medical school and trying to dedicate my life to helping others. It doesn't change how I feel and how afraid I am of hurting someone again. I haven't been punished for what I did so I feel like killing myself is the best I can do
Wow. Well, I don't know. It's your life. I never think suicide is good to suggest to somebody even though I am myself. People who lead people into suicide can be charged with manslaughter or murder. I just learned this - as I had an ex try to cause it. He gaslighted me and tortured me and enjoyed it. Things like playing with my computer, destroying it with "No sex before marriage" messages, watching me, driving me slowly insane. I'd never know what to say but you'd need to apologize to the victim's family. I dont want to know the details and see those things as your business. I'd defintely suggest that much. I don't believe this is happening.
I'm sure that killing yourself offers no solace to anyone else.
I'm sure that killing yourself offers no solace to anyone else.
I-can-only-imagine
Student
- Apr 26, 2021
- 135
at least you get to have your phone - they want to readmit me and there are no phones on the ward
endme
tides
- Nov 22, 2021
- 39
that she killed someone doesnt have to mean she wanted to do it.
you can kill your own child by just driving backwards in your gateway, accidents can happen.
you act like she murdered someone cold blooded, dont assume that.
back to the topic.
i think the other people are right, if you get cought you will end up in a lot more trouble instead of just walking out, walking around, finding a good spot and be free.
i wish you all the best
you can kill your own child by just driving backwards in your gateway, accidents can happen.
you act like she murdered someone cold blooded, dont assume that.
back to the topic.
i think the other people are right, if you get cought you will end up in a lot more trouble instead of just walking out, walking around, finding a good spot and be free.
i wish you all the best
maybe she *did* kill someone. i have had murderers in my house - (broke / entered). ive also had to do laundry for one, keep him in my studio enough. ppl guilted me into helping these people - feeling sorry for thrm. ppl do murder. never know.
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