Help Urgent: Social Anxiety Relief

[Life_and_Death]

so....im take a serious trip this weekend...
im going home for the first time in 15 years (not my abusive parents place. my birth place i got ripped away from)

so i have anxiety about that

and im going to pick up some me food so i have something to eat while im there and being short on money id like to get some groceries on the way back
i cant grocery shop. picking out prices and the different sizes and the people

and then my grampy is all "hey, lets go to the biggest mall around"

im crying and im not even leaving until saturday morning....its only tuesday night......

im hopeful that being the site this is that people have things that help them with social anxiety.
i have literally counted 3 stores...i can handle 3 stores and then thats it. and even at the first im uncomfortable and would rather not...i cant handle all of this...

i have noise canceling earbuds (loop) im going to bring my music. ill have gum (which i planned on buying for weed addiction but i think it might be useful here as well)
and for my second grocery trip i plan on having my exhus met us there to help relieve some of the pressure (it will be back in town here). ive been working on a list so i have some game plan
i plan on buying myself a teddy bear or something comforting at the mall to help a bit.

does anyone have any other suggestions???? i could really really use them right now.....

plus addiction withdrawal...wonderful....i can barely go an hour.....have fun for the whole weekend!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[LaughingGoat]

Just to understand better, is it the crowds that you have the most anxiety about or being out of the house? Exposure is usually the most impactful strategy, but that's more of a long-term thing so the coping strategies like earbuds, teddy bear, breathing, keeping the focus interacting with the people you're with, are all good in the moment.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Just to understand better, is it the crowds that you have the most anxiety about or being out of the house? Exposure is usually the most impactful strategy, but that's more of a long-term thing so the coping strategies like earbuds, teddy bear, breathing, keeping the focus interacting with the people you're with, are all good in the moment.

thats a good question...
both? i consider it extreme social anxiety, minor agoraphobia.
i can make it to the vehicle but i dont like the idea of entering the store, walking down the sidewalk ect.
ive thought about if stores offered an "anxiety time" where things were quieter (kind of like how some stores had a specific time for seniors (i think it was) during covid, to do their grocery shopping due to being more at risk) and even that makes me uncomfortable and idk....

i wish i had the cloak of invisibility from harry potter

i try exposure therapy, but i can only handle so much and it hasnt seemed to increase.....

i do find the days im feeling better.. cleaned up, wearing something that i think is pretty, makes me feel a little better. but i dont find that mental health setting often...maybe once every few to several months.......

 

[LaughingGoat]

i do find the days im feeling better.. cleaned up, wearing something that i think is pretty, makes me feel a little better. but i dont find that mental health setting often...maybe once every few to several months.......

Not trying to jump to conclusions with that info, but you saying you feel better with those things leads me to believe it comes from a place of confidence and your social anxiety is partly due to feeling people are judging you. If I'm not totally off-base with that assumption, it's a pretty common cause for people with social anxiety. Something I'm sure you've heard 1000 times is that strangers don't actually pay much attention to random people they come across. Us with our anxiety are hyper-aware of our surrounds compared to the average person. Thing is knowing that doesn't make much of a difference until it's practiced and fully internalized.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Something I'm sure you've heard 1000 times is that strangers don't actually pay much attention to random people they come across.

i actually 'enjoyed' a conversation about this with a social worker i went to see a couple times, she didnt enjoy it as much lol. she tried to say the same thing and i said, that might have been true at one point but have you been on social media lately?

thats just not true anymore, some people will look for or create anything because they think its funny despite it actually being abusive
one video that sticks out the most to me (in like a ptsd way) was a girl dancing in her car and someone else pulled up beside her and started filming and laughing until she stopped. like wth!!? she wasnt hurting or bothering you but you hurt her!

 

[LaughingGoat]

i actually 'enjoyed' a conversation about this with a social worker i went to see a couple times, she didnt enjoy it as much lol. she tried to say the same thing and i said, that might have been true at one point but have you been on social media lately?

thats just not true anymore, some people will look for or create anything because they think its funny despite it actually being abusive
one video that sticks out the most to me (in like a ptsd way) was a girl dancing in her car and someone else pulled up beside her and started filming and laughing until she stopped. like wth!!? she wasnt hurting or bothering you but you hurt her!

You're definitely right that those things do happen unfortunately, but even that is in reality such a small percentage of people's focus. Social media gives us a warped perspective on things. For instance, the whole trend of people dancing in the middle of a street/store/whatever that you see on tik tok. I've never seen that in person. What you see on social media is the most memorable, out-of-the-norm things, which is why it makes it to social media. No one is posting a video of just them walking through a store shopping and everyone minding their business like in 99.99% of cases because that isn't interesting content. For every one video like you saw of a woman dancing in her car being filmed, literally millions of people are dancing in the their car and not being filmed.

 

[Life_and_Death]

No one is posting a video of just them walking through a store shopping and everyone minding their business like in 99.99% of cases because that isn't interesting content

be..normal?? is that even possible for a neurodivergent having a massive panic attack?

(i am appreciating talking to you . i thought i should add that in case i was coming off like im not, i can see how it might be taken that way...)

 

[LaughingGoat]

be..normal?? is that even possible for a neurodivergent having a massive panic attack?

(i am appreciating talking to you . i thought i should add that in case i was coming off like im not, i can see how it might be taken that way...)

Ha not sure we can be normal. I used to have panic attacks daily so definitely empathize with you. While I don't know how your neurodivergence appears to others in public, if there isn't a self-fulfilling fear of having a panic attack and you're aware that strangers shopping are not worried about you, would you still have a panic attack due to being in public?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Ha not sure we can be normal. I used to have panic attacks daily so definitely empathize with you. While I don't know how your neurodivergence appears to others in public, if there isn't a self-fulfilling fear of having a panic attack and you're aware that strangers shopping are not worried about you, would you still have a panic attack due to being in public?

i do find it does help a little bit. ill look around "ok theyre just looking at their products....ok cool...." so not entirely but if i had to put it on a number scale....probably a 10 to a 6 maybe?
im hopeful that the gum will distract me a bit and i was just talking to my bf about taking the playlist i made for us so i can think about him and be happy......

i think its called stimming? ill play with my hair, fingers, sleeves a lot. kind of like my body itself is visibly panicking/vibrating/shaking (and its difficult to not breakdown crying...)

 

[LaughingGoat]

Yeah those are all helpful distractions, anything that keeps your mind preoccupied.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

One strategy I have used before in shops is helping myself zone out a bit by combining box breathing with timing it with my footsteps and making them all quite rhythmical. (E.g 4 steps breathe in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold and repeat). Or however many steps works for your lung capacity with holding alongside walking, and how fast you are walking. If I want even more a challenge to distract myself, I increase number of steps to where it is more difficult to sustain the holding my breath so it takes more concentration.

Doesn't work if you are needing to be aware and look for specific items in the aisles but if just wandering around/following it might be worth a trial.

Your ideas so far sound very comforting and I hope they will be successful for you so that the shopping trip(s) go as smooth as they can

 

[Life_and_Death]

One strategy I have used before in shops is helping myself zone out a bit by combining box breathing with timing it with my footsteps and making them all quite rhythmical. (E.g 4 steps breathe in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold and repeat). Or however many steps works for your lung capacity with holding alongside walking, and how fast you are walking. If I want even more a challenge to distract myself, I increase number of steps to where it is more difficult to sustain the holding my breath so it takes more concentration.

Doesn't work if you are needing to be aware and look for specific items in the aisles but if just wandering around/following it might be worth a trial.

Your ideas so far sound very comforting and I hope they will be successful for you so that the shopping trip(s) go as smooth as they can

that sounds like a good idea. i dont think ill be able to use it this weekend/find the rhythm that works for me in time. but ill definitely have to keep that in mind for general trips