qwert3948
Student
- Apr 24, 2023
- 113
i feel like i'll forever be on this unending cycle of going through very awkward, unsatisfying and dissapointing socializing, to getting tired of it and isolating myself until i forget what the loneliness feels like.
i have only one person i could call a "friend", but it is so frustrating sometimes i feel like i'd rather just have none. it isn't frustatring only for me, i'm sure he also finds me weird and annoying considering how mentally unwell i am. i honestly don't know why he still bothers to message me after all this time. i'm not sure what he's looking for in me, since i know he does not have the same social issues i do.
i don't really know what i'm looking for in him either
maybe i should just forget it and start living in real life instead of getting anxious because of messages on my screen. would that even change anything?
i feel like i'd rather die than think about any of these things, but i know i'm too much of a coward to die any time soon, so i can't escape this right now.
i wish i could have more superficial friendships just to fill the hole i have in me. instead, everyone i meet somehow is too invested in knowing me deeply and it always turns in this awkward bullshit of a relationship.
i wish i could just sit besides someone in silence, and that they'd be satisfied with that too.
getting the courage to go in a store buy a rope was super nerve racking already but i think i might buy a tree racket too. having a backup plan just in case brings me peace
i have only one person i could call a "friend", but it is so frustrating sometimes i feel like i'd rather just have none. it isn't frustatring only for me, i'm sure he also finds me weird and annoying considering how mentally unwell i am. i honestly don't know why he still bothers to message me after all this time. i'm not sure what he's looking for in me, since i know he does not have the same social issues i do.
i don't really know what i'm looking for in him either
maybe i should just forget it and start living in real life instead of getting anxious because of messages on my screen. would that even change anything?
i feel like i'd rather die than think about any of these things, but i know i'm too much of a coward to die any time soon, so i can't escape this right now.
i wish i could have more superficial friendships just to fill the hole i have in me. instead, everyone i meet somehow is too invested in knowing me deeply and it always turns in this awkward bullshit of a relationship.
i wish i could just sit besides someone in silence, and that they'd be satisfied with that too.
getting the courage to go in a store buy a rope was super nerve racking already but i think i might buy a tree racket too. having a backup plan just in case brings me peace
