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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,164
Oh guys... You have no idea how terrible and ridiculous my ups and downs are!

If you could draw my life, it would look like an electrocardiogram!


One day I'm depressed and wanna ctb asap and the following one I'm motivated, working out and trying to enjoy life (like today)

Anyone can relate? Do you have these ups and downs in spite of taking meds? (In my case it's lamotrigine)

Anyway, it seems I'll keep on living for now.
 
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life-eternal

Student
Nov 11, 2020
115
Me dude. I have ups and downs but instead of full days it just comes in like hours, I feel you. Does exercise help you at all at keeping CTB thoughts out? Or to sleep? I tried it for several weeks and it did nothing for me T_T FML
Feel you...
Nice username. Is it from Wigrid?
 
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W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,164
Me dude. I have ups and downs but instead of full days it just comes in like hours, I feel you. Does exercise help you at all at keeping CTB thoughts out? Or to sleep? I tried it for several weeks and it did nothing for me T_T FML
Well, the truth is I started to work out only a few days ago lol.

It seems to be helping but I'm so lazy!

As for sleeping, that's really difficult for me. I'm trying to but my meds are not working anymore.
 
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life-eternal

Student
Nov 11, 2020
115
Hey man you started working out, that's all that matters! Even my most depressed friends have told me it is the best antidepressant. When i was doing it i did feel better, but the sleep was still a problem, so I just randomly stopped.
Thank you very much. It is.
Ort Der Einsamkeit is one of the most beautiful things i've ever heard with that part in the middle. Weird because i've been listening to that album for the last 2 weeks a lot. I wish I spoke German..
 
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NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
Oh boy, do I ever understand this.
I have BPD, so I experience daily emotional roller coasters with some wicked freefall-like drops. Triggers, triggers everywhere.
A6EADA0A EFCF 42E3 9EF6 DF496A815542
Oh guys... You have no idea how terrible and ridiculous my ups and downs are!

If you could draw my life, it would look like an electrocardiogram!


One day I'm depressed and wanna ctb asap and the following one I'm motivated, working out and trying to enjoy life (like today)

Anyone can relate? Do you have these ups and downs in spite of taking meds? (In my case it's lamotrigine)

Anyway, it seems I'll keep on living for now.
I don't wish the ups & downs on anyone, sorry you're going through it.

How do you find lamotrigine? I took it before, but it was coupled with another drug (Venlafaxine/Effexor), so I'm curious how you find it.
 
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BluesRunTheGame

BluesRunTheGame

Blackpilled
Dec 15, 2020
1,715
As the Verve once sang 'I'm a million different people from one day to the next...'

 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
Yup. I'm on the up trend right now. Currently manic. Though I'll probably crash soon
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,164
Oh boy, do I ever understand this.
I have BPD, so I experience daily emotional roller coasters with some wicked freefall-like drops. Triggers, triggers everywhere.
View attachment 58790

I don't wish the ups & downs on anyone, sorry you're going through it.

How do you find lamotrigine? I took it before, but it was coupled with another drug (Venlafaxine/Effexor), so I'm curious how you find it.

Well, I don't see much a difference but I think it's helping because my downs used to be worse!

I'm still suicidal but at least I'm managing to have good days or hours without having to drink constantly!

I take lamotrigine with risperidone and lorazepam!
 
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NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
Well, I don't see much a difference but I think it's helping because my downs used to be worse!

I'm still suicidal but at least I'm managing to have good days or hours without having to drink constantly!

I take lamotrigine with risperidone and lorazepam!

Oh, well that's good- glad to hear it's working for you. Sometimes it's the little victories that help. :)

I found the same with Lamotrigine. Though I didn't bottom out like I used to, I also stopped feeling high levels of joy. Like my range of emotions went from 1-10 to 4-7. It didn't quite work for me, but neither did Effexor TBH. So I'm not currently on any meds.

I've tried Lorazepam, though my Dr never prescribed it for daily use. Only for spontaneous panic attacks.
 
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WaitingForTheBusInTh

Student
Nov 18, 2020
174
Absolutely. I was having these ups and downs even with meds, so I stopped taking them and experienced no change.
Sometimes the change is a couple of days, sometimes a day, sometimes it just takes a couple of hours and one thing to remind myself why I want to ctb. Just today after talking with my mom about how effed the world is and how it isnt going to get better, that instantly grounded me in why I am choosing to leave early.
I wish I would either stay in the up or the down, the emotional whiplash is hard.
 
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Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,624
No I have only downs lolz
 
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Emily_Numb

Emily_Numb

Wizard
Jan 14, 2020
654
BPD CREW WHERE YOU AT?!
 
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Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,101
Mine is like a rollercoaster, slowly go up a chain lifted hill, then down we go, followed by a loop, and then sharped bank turns followed by another lift hill to greatness again. -_-
 
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