One day I'm 100% sure I have the discipline to kill myself right now, the next I have all sorts of ideas on how to make my life worth living. The day after that I'm ready to go again, the next is full of guilt and confusion and questioning. Ive been in this cycle for years. I want out so so bad. I want to call it quits but I don't want to hurt my loved ones. I wish I could just go missing, ctb, and never be found. I'd rather they think I'm missing than think that I killed myself. I'd rather they think someone else killed me, just to avoid the guilt of destroying their world like this. I wish nobody gave a shit about me.
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Karrikin
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- Nov 3, 2024
- 20
I find myself in a similar cycle sometimes. I wish someone else would do it for me sometimes, or that I had quicker and more painless methods since I cant stand the thought of agonizing for even a couple of seconds. Thinking about why it happens for me I chalk up to my indecision, or perhaps it could be more to it where my brain might be right and that there's something there worth keeping me here.Yeah, relate to this a lot. Vicious cycle. I've written several suicide notes and at several points was almost committed to really trying. I had the means. I'm sure you know SI is very hard to go against. It always destroys me to think of how people would deal with the aftermath.
If nobody was around/there was an easier way I would have called it quits long ago.Similar threads
