Discussion Update of sorts; Boyfriends huh!

[tatteredbone]

I feel like I should apologise for my inactivity since I have no other excuse except things were getting a bit better, a bit.
I essentially found distractions in a few games, including a game used as a social hub of sorts. I met multiple new friends from that in a few days, I believe 7... I've always found it hard to make friends so that was a shock! I'm still new to forum sites so I'm not sure how to site people or quote them or if I even can in a separate thread. Someone mentioned how friends and that love from them is one of the few medicines and forms of coping that helps and I think that's so true. I find the periods in time where I am least suicidal are those times. The last few days I'm generally a bundle of sunshine until I'm alone. When I'm alone. I drink.

Let's get to the thread's namesake!! I got a boyfriend, sweet! I find it hard to find a partner bc of my own paranoia and clinginess. And a lot more guys run away when they find out I'm suicidal. Finally, I found a dude who wasn't that, I won't go into too much detail about the specifics but something about being his man was so euphoric. Keep that was in mind... I'm the type who generally is codependent when it comes to these mental health issues, I latch onto others when discussing my problems or when coping. Hell, I've found in some cases I've gone as far as to age regress when coping, fully needing a caretaker. But again I'm getting sidetracked.

My boyfriend was sick, So I could only really talk to him through text, His family sucks so can't talk to them. He had a super high fever, talking 90-110 he said, So I'm consulting him and all that, comforting him. caring for him. He keeps me updated much to my enthusiasm as I hear his temperature creeping down, I could hold him again. I think.
I was wrong, It's been a week. I've heard nothing from him. I'm well convinced he's dead at this rate and the urge to ctb is slowly coming back, in an "I wonder if there's an afterlife and if there is I could see him again" way.

I should have asked for more details about him, I have no way of finding out if he's okay. half of me believes he got sick of me and took the nuclear way of leaving by ignoring me, the other well believes he is dead.

 

[MidnightDream]

It's incredibly unlikely he's dead, I know anxiety makes us think the worst but even a fever as nasty as that is unlikely to cause death, especially if he mentioned to you that it was heading back down. Perhaps he just needs some space to rest? Are you able to visit him or his family at all?

 

[tatteredbone]

It's incredibly unlikely he's dead, I know anxiety makes us think the worst but even a fever as nasty as that is unlikely to cause death, especially if he mentioned to you that it was heading back down. Perhaps he just needs some space to rest? Are you able to visit him or his family at all?

I hope so, but unfortunately, I can't visit him since he's likely with his parents and his parents don't know abt me since they're all sorts of phones. Your words help my nerves a lot genuinely.

 

[Ultracheese]

Congratulations on making new friends in the games you're playing! That sounds great and I hope you're able to continue to have good relationships with them and grow closer.

Congratulations on your boyfriend too! As someone who's also paranoid and clingy, I get what you mean about the excitement you felt when you met your boyfriend. I had (and still have) the same feelings relating to mine.

Being ill can make it hard to do basic tasks sometimes. I'm chronically ill and sometimes I can't even get out of bed to take care of basic needs like eating, let alone message someone. I understand your concern and your fears are totally understandable. A week or so to recover from a fever is realistic and common. Try your best to redirect your energy toward your friends. I hope that he's ok and you two are able to get into contact again!