irregularreconcile
i'm such a coward; these wretched things i do
- Jun 15, 2023
- 65
It's been a minute. No pressure to read, I just want to share namely for myself.
Discussions of psych hospitilization below.
I'm writing this in off-topic because, truthfully, I don't know where I'm at right now. That's fine for now, I think, but the essence of what is happening in my head is making me exhausted. I miss journalling and helping people in recovery on here/letting people they're not alone, so I want to write an update.
It was the middle(?) of last month when I went inpatient. 2nd time this year, but I was isolated and really close to CTBing. I feel like a strange case, both knowing my worth as a person but knowing I can't possibly die naturally. I'm ok with bring in the limbo for now, I think.
Of course, inpatient did jack shit. Being in a new state I did really need medication, so I'm so thankful I obtained that. Felt great for the first week or so, making art constantly. Can't say much anymore- I'm back to the way I was.
I know quite well that inpatient psychiatric care is like that. I've been in and out of the hospital between months for years. I've been in both more "lax" and restricted care, and I've experienced enough to know that, yes, it can help. Is it meant to fix you? Absolutely not. Inpatient care is meant for regulation to go back to the real world, not extensive care and mending.
That's fine for me; I enjoy my moments of distractions when I can focus. I've been playing a lot of video games and stuff, but half the time I can't really enjoy it. Nothing new.
I've missed you all and hope you all are doing well on your own journeys. I know I'm not really super close with a lot of people here, but I appreciate you all and these forums so much. Having the freedom to speak and exist with my sickness when others don't want to understand (I'm sure you all get it,) is needed in my life.
Hopefully I'll be active again soon, idk. I say shit and then don't follow up constantly, but if not, I hope you all are ok today. Lots of love.
Discussions of psych hospitilization below.
I'm writing this in off-topic because, truthfully, I don't know where I'm at right now. That's fine for now, I think, but the essence of what is happening in my head is making me exhausted. I miss journalling and helping people in recovery on here/letting people they're not alone, so I want to write an update.
It was the middle(?) of last month when I went inpatient. 2nd time this year, but I was isolated and really close to CTBing. I feel like a strange case, both knowing my worth as a person but knowing I can't possibly die naturally. I'm ok with bring in the limbo for now, I think.
Of course, inpatient did jack shit. Being in a new state I did really need medication, so I'm so thankful I obtained that. Felt great for the first week or so, making art constantly. Can't say much anymore- I'm back to the way I was.
I know quite well that inpatient psychiatric care is like that. I've been in and out of the hospital between months for years. I've been in both more "lax" and restricted care, and I've experienced enough to know that, yes, it can help. Is it meant to fix you? Absolutely not. Inpatient care is meant for regulation to go back to the real world, not extensive care and mending.
That's fine for me; I enjoy my moments of distractions when I can focus. I've been playing a lot of video games and stuff, but half the time I can't really enjoy it. Nothing new.
I've missed you all and hope you all are doing well on your own journeys. I know I'm not really super close with a lot of people here, but I appreciate you all and these forums so much. Having the freedom to speak and exist with my sickness when others don't want to understand (I'm sure you all get it,) is needed in my life.
Hopefully I'll be active again soon, idk. I say shit and then don't follow up constantly, but if not, I hope you all are ok today. Lots of love.
