Up all night

[GreenTree]

Does anyone else stay up all night then sleep all day. I do. Can't sleep at night as anxious and then can't wake as don't want to experience consciousness. Constant negative thoughts are exhausting. I wish there was an easy way too die. I know I'm no good as a family member but they would miss me terribly. Can't bloody win. So many scenarios. Feel like a pawn in some massive fucked up board game

 

[Lost Magic]

I do that often, green tree. In fact I have been up all night already. Sleep pattern is all over the place. It is all very exhausting indeed.

 

[SpaceCadet]

Today i couldn't sleep at all, gave up trying

 

[CommitSudoku]

I can't fall asleep, it's a waking nightmare getting there and takes too long so I end up staying up late but I'm working now so I can't sleep during the day, I have all of two free hours on some days. My weekends can be in and out of consciousness unless there's a reason to be awake, sometimes anxiety suffices and I further don't get sleep. After today I relate to being a pawn so much more. It's questionable if my life is my own. I'm sorry you also feel like that and have issues with sleep. It's a shame since sleep is the closest to death in some ways, unconsciousness is nice to be free of the pain of thinking and existing.

 

[karasu]

I definitely feel the same way. I feel anxiety and dread going to sleep knowing that I will have to wake up to another day of mundaneness. It takes me a long time to get to bed and then a very long time to fall asleep so I end up losing consciousness often when the sun is rising. I sleep until around 5~6pm and once I wake up, I am filled with disappointment that I am conscious and will have to go through the motions yet again. In a way, I probably also inflict this schedule on myself since I would prefer not to wake up so early anyways in fear that I might end up eating too much the more hours I am awake before midnight rolls around (my absolute cut off time for eating according to my eating disordered thoughts).

 

[symphony]

Yeah, somewhat. It's not quite that extreme though. On weekdays I have therapy in the morning, sleep all afternoon, stay up until the early am, then sleep a few more hours before I go back to therapy. On weekends I fall asleep in the early am and sleep into the early afternoon. Every moment I'm awake is agonizing. I want it to be over.

 

[its-about-time]

I'm up all night then wake up relatively early in comparison life is just spent AWAKE !

 

[Catchingdabus27]

Yeah last month couldn't sleep at night only barly during the day.

I just (as usual) needa settle on a method.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am often unable to sleep and I end up staying up very late. I also wish there was an easily accessible peaceful way to leave this world, I am tired of suffering. This life is very depressing and all that I want is to be gone.

 

[NotMeAnymore]

"All I want is to be gone." Totally agree. I feel the same. I toss and turn all night, trying to decide on a way out, reading related research and opinions, then wind up totally exhausted and useless the next day... barely able to fix and eat meals. (If slow death by starvation weren't so painful, I'd have been gone a long time ago. )
My housemate is a health-care professional, so he "won't let me die," and he's already inadvertently interfered with my plans twice.
So I spend all day either feeling sick to my stomach with stress, or trying to make believe that I'm making progress when I know I'm not.

 

[WearyHSP]

I've got the "tired but wired" syndrome that goes with ME. Not everyone has circadian rhythm issues with ME but I'm lucky if I'm in bed by 3am and out of bed by noon.
Idiots regularly give me advice on how to change my sleep hours - basically because my illness is invisible and people generally prefer not to listen but to spew their advice around to make them feel important or at least helpful.

It's a medical issue but I fully admit it's also depression related at this point. My first waking thought is, "I wish I could go back to sleep." then the next thought is, "What is the point of living?"

I sigh with relief once the "day" is over and I can turn on my tv and immerse myself in someone else's fictional life. Numbing my thoughts.

*caveat: I live alone

So I spend all day either feeling sick to my stomach with stress, or trying to make believe that I'm making progress when I know I'm not.

Anxiety is the worst! (well maybe pain is, but in this moment I'm relating to your stress.)

I feel exactly the same re: Trying to make believe I'm making progress.
For me, that means a solid ctb plan. I've had SN for some time but so many "issues" I need to resolve before I can take the actual steps. Pure avoidance - no progress.

'm up all night then wake up relatively early in comparison life is just spent AWAKE !

That sounds like hell.

'm up all night then wake up relatively early in comparison life is just spent AWAKE !

That sounds like hell.

 

[Ceterum]

3:25 am here. Decided to have a date with Halcion now, so this night will not be spent fully awake

 

[Darkover]

2:32am here in england i've been awake since 7am this morning it going to be a last one

 

[BandAddict]

I've been doing this more, only sometimes I can't even bring myself to sleep during the day, though I'll still spend a ridiculous amount of time in bed just laying there.