2bemyenemy
autistic disabled garbage fire
- Feb 24, 2023
- 12
I feel like such a waste of fucking space. I recently figured out I have autism (with the help of my great therapist who I can't see anymore cause I fucked that up too) and suddenly everything makes sense. I can't function normally and having my adhd and mood disorder on top of that means every day is a waking nightmare.
I've struggled with school and work my entire life. I tried so hard to keep up with everyone else in high school and college that I ended up burning out spectacularly. My health is shit now which leads to absences which leads to being fired by my jobs always. I went from being extremely accomplished in my niche industry to getting let go. I now have a shitty minimum wage hotel job where my bosses treat me like shit for needing simple accommodations like a chair to sit on instead of standing behind a desk for 8 fucking hours a day. I have chronic pain in my back, legs, and feet that will only get worse if I develop diabetes (which I probably will since it's hereditary and both my grandparents had it). I live in the shithole country known as the US so I'm pretty sure I will be fired for my disability and unable to even sue since we have no fucking money. This will be the third job I've been fired from in a row.
My amazing partner let me go down to four days a week but it's still not enough money to do anything more than basic survival. I want to get married but we have no money. I stress all of the time, my autism makes masking for 8 hours a day fucking exhausting, and I'm constantly getting sick because my body is breaking down. My doctors say everything is fine but I can tell they're alarmed whenever they see me in person and say I should exercise more. How do I exercise when it feels like I'm walking on glass everyday? I used to be fairly attractive but now when I look in the mirror I feel like a fat piece of shit.
I struggled with CTB in the past and almost did it twice, once in high school and once on college. My fucking SI kicked in and I ended up chickening out both times. I kept holding out hoping it would be better but I don't think it's going to. If I get fired from this job I think I'll just do it. I can't contribute to keeping my family alive and they'll be less burdened without me. It'll be a bummer to leave my cat because we are closely bonded but he's very young and I don't think I can wait until he dies. I love my family but i feel so fucking trapped by them. They would never support my CTB.
I've struggled with school and work my entire life. I tried so hard to keep up with everyone else in high school and college that I ended up burning out spectacularly. My health is shit now which leads to absences which leads to being fired by my jobs always. I went from being extremely accomplished in my niche industry to getting let go. I now have a shitty minimum wage hotel job where my bosses treat me like shit for needing simple accommodations like a chair to sit on instead of standing behind a desk for 8 fucking hours a day. I have chronic pain in my back, legs, and feet that will only get worse if I develop diabetes (which I probably will since it's hereditary and both my grandparents had it). I live in the shithole country known as the US so I'm pretty sure I will be fired for my disability and unable to even sue since we have no fucking money. This will be the third job I've been fired from in a row.
My amazing partner let me go down to four days a week but it's still not enough money to do anything more than basic survival. I want to get married but we have no money. I stress all of the time, my autism makes masking for 8 hours a day fucking exhausting, and I'm constantly getting sick because my body is breaking down. My doctors say everything is fine but I can tell they're alarmed whenever they see me in person and say I should exercise more. How do I exercise when it feels like I'm walking on glass everyday? I used to be fairly attractive but now when I look in the mirror I feel like a fat piece of shit.
I struggled with CTB in the past and almost did it twice, once in high school and once on college. My fucking SI kicked in and I ended up chickening out both times. I kept holding out hoping it would be better but I don't think it's going to. If I get fired from this job I think I'll just do it. I can't contribute to keeping my family alive and they'll be less burdened without me. It'll be a bummer to leave my cat because we are closely bonded but he's very young and I don't think I can wait until he dies. I love my family but i feel so fucking trapped by them. They would never support my CTB.
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