Unpopular Opinion: Telling abuse victims not to die because it'll let their abusers "win" is bad advice

[Water-Lily]

I thought about putting this in recovery but it would have been counter intuitive

I remember when I was in the depths of my suicidality (due to all the abuse I experienced and home and still deal with) I would get the "don't die. Live to spite your abusers. Don't let them win!"

I never found this helpful. If anything in exacerbated my suicidality even more

I can see how for some this could be the necessary motivation to keep on going, as I do agree abusers have much to benefit when the people they harm succumb to the pain they inflicted

But it can also give a lot of pressure to those suffering. Why should we have to worry about who wins and loses? Maybe you don't want to have to live in anger and spite. Maybe you're just tired of it all and need a rest

 

[carac]

I think you are absolutely right, it shouldn't be about winning or losing and it's very unhelpful to frame it that way.

 

[Pluto]

Yes, our lives need to be about ourselves. Narcissists already get enough attention.

Occasionally, though, it can be useful to channel the energy of anger at injustice towards healing efforts.

 

[BornByGhosts]

completely agree. if anything it was easier for me to terms and forgiven all wrongdoing against me and my loved ones. ideally want to ctb with a very neutral mindset of the world is what it is