Venting unknown position.

[loslassen]

I really feel out of place right now, I feel like I'm moving on from some of my habits, but it will be in vain. It's not like I'm growing or changing much, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the kind of person I am, and how cornered I feel and out of control even in my own awareness of myself, and the true things out of my hands that have put me in this position and pushed me so far. I feel so little right now, but I cry a lot. I just want all the suffering to end, really, but I don't have the guts to do it, because I hang on to a thread, tug on a bone I gnawed at so much already, hoping another piece of meat will land in front of me, for things to get better, all while I wear myself out the more I wait. Maybe I should just do it already.

 

[obei]

I feel ya. I cant say I dont have guts to do it but I hang on to a slight chance of things getting better, and I feel like I always take one step forward, then three back.