University - the main source that makes me suicidal

[TheHatedOne]

Well throughout my life I had many reasons to be suicidal but right now the thing that wins the whole top is university. I have anxiety (even now as I write this) and dread thoughts whenever I think of it and it's a big part of my daily life, it's too overwhelming. I don't feel like I can do it anymore, I'm seriously thinking to give up but I'm forced to continue because of my abusive parents. I hate everyhting about it.

I'm always buried in homeworks and I constatnly receive abuse from teachers. Last week I made a post on here where I explained how I was made to cry the third time by a teacher because she treats me like the worst thing in the whole universe - she put me to answer and just when I opened my mouth to say something she put someone else to answer and it's not the first time happening. I'm constantly ignored and pushed aside. Of course she also has favorites and she and her favorites constantly kiss each others ass.

I have many severe teachers that don't care we are people with a life, outside the university one, with feelings and desires and needs and just bury us in homeworks. Every week I need to translate 10-15 pages (that's just one homework out of 6 I think) full of non sensical, outdated foreign language.

Last week something embarassing happened, I stayed up the whole night to catch a class that starts at 8 am because I can't wake up too early anymore. I caught the class but somewhere in the middle I fell asleep and woke up many hours after. I want to mention I have classes online on Zoom. I'm death scared to enter in that class anymore.

All of this fucked me up even more. I'm tired of all the abuse I received throughout this wonderful ''educational'' system that this shithole has. Not to mention the abuse I received outside of it. I'm not tolerating further abuse. University should have been a rational environment full of professional and polite people, not an abusive cesspool.

I don't really believe in therapy but whether I get to finish this shit or not I'm really fucking considering it because all these things really affected me.

As I write I feel a strong impulse to not enter in any class anymore and never participate in exams and wait until summer and take up other languages or just take up history. But as I said, I'm forced to continue.

I feel like the rope is winking at me right now.

 

[Caramelized]

Well throughout my life I had many reasons to be suicidal but right now the thing that wins the whole top is university. I have anxiety (even now as I write this) and dread thoughts whenever I think of it and it's a big part of my daily life, it's too overwhelming. I don't feel like I can do it anymore, I'm seriously thinking to give up but I'm forced to continue because of my abusive parents. I hate everyhting about it.

I'm always buried in homeworks and I constatnly receive abuse from teachers. Last week I made a post on here where I explained how I was made to cry the third time by a teacher because she treats me like the worst thing in the whole universe - she put me to answer and just when I opened my mouth to say something she put someone else to answer and it's not the first time happening. I'm constantly ignored and pushed aside. Of course she also has favorites and she and her favorites constantly kiss each others ass.

I have many severe teachers that don't care we are people with a life, outside the university one, with feelings and desires and needs and just bury us in homeworks. Every week I need to translate 10-15 pages (that's just one homework out of 6 I think) full of non sensical, outdated foreign language.

Last week something embarassing happened, I stayed up the whole night to catch a class that starts at 8 am because I can't wake up too early anymore. I caught the class but somewhere in the middle I fell asleep and woke up many hours after. I want to mention I have classes online on Zoom. I'm death scared to enter in that class anymore.

All of this fucked me up even more. I'm tired of all the abuse I received throughout this wonderful ''educational'' system that this shithole has. Not to mention the abuse I received outside of it. I'm not tolerating further abuse. University should have been a rational environment full of professional and polite people, not an abusive cesspool.

I don't really believe in therapy but whether I get to finish this shit or not I'm really fucking considering it because all these things really affected me.

As I write I feel a strong impulse to not enter in any class anymore and never participate in exams and wait until summer and take up other languages or just take up history. But as I said, I'm forced to continue.

I feel like the rope is winking at me right now.

I know saying this does jack shit for you but I just want to say that I can, unfortunately, heavily relate to what you're saying. Just dropped a class where the teacher acted just like the ones you described. It feels like there's no way outta this mess and it feels that way because they're really isn't (╥﹏╥). All I can say is that I apologize on behalf of life for forcing you through this meaningless destructive mass that is our education system. Hold on actually, I ain't done!! I feel like if you're at the point where you feel like responding to the rope wink you should just... do whatever...if school is bringing you down that low, I feel like you should at least take a break and do the summer class...but then, it'll be harder to earn a living and then harder to get away from your parents aghhhh. I can imagine you've thought this over way more times than I ever could. Sorry, this reply was a hot ass mess. I just felt obligated to reach out to you since I felt alot of what you had to say....I try and tell myself that college isn't forever though, at worst, it'll just destroy our mental and psychical well-beings for 2-6 years....and then there's working....( i꒳i ) I'm so sorry.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Edit: Just wanted to intervene a bit because someone told me once ''But why do you think Reddit is a bad place?'', now I have full proof:

I made the same post as here on Reddit telling myself ''at least there I'll receive replies, maybe some useful advice etc.''. My mind was running wild. Here are some responses:







Last picture is my response to Reddidiot number 2. Im fucking crying tho I dont know what I expected. Never. Ever. Search. For. Advice. On. Reddit.

 

[Versailles]

Last picture is my response to Reddidiot number 2. Im fucking crying tho I dont know what I expected. Never. Ever. Search. For. Advice. On. Reddit.

Keep calm, the pressure at university is usually overwhelming, I lived it although I cannot fully relate to you because in my case everything happened differently. I hope I find a way to cope, I think everyone has some way to cope with the pressure, maybe finding their method for it will help.

 

[Manaaja]

Edit: Just wanted to intervene a bit because someone told me once ''But why do you think Reddit is a bad place?'', now I have full proof:

I made the same post as here on Reddit telling myself ''at least there I'll receive replies, maybe some useful advice etc.''. My mind was running wild. Here are some responses:

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Last picture is my response to Reddidiot number 2. Im fucking crying tho I dont know what I expected. Never. Ever. Search. For. Advice. On. Reddit.

Fucking assholes. Tell them their job is to stay inside the bathroom and drop their useless pieces of shit into the toilet, then when they have done that they can flush themselves down along with their shit.

I just searched for advice on reddit yesterday. I got no replies and one downvote. Reddit can lick my asshole clean after I have eaten chili and gotten diarrhea from it.

I wish people were more empathic, but most people love to victim blame.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really stressful what you are going through, being under that much pressure. Life is just so horrible. Some people are just so cruel, I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you find peace.