brickedup
make it stop
- Oct 30, 2024
- 45
i'm in university and am studying for a science degree. all of this information to memorize in such a short amount of time. not to mention i'm in very high level courses as well. im bad at math. i cant memorize for shit. when i read, its like sometimes the sentence doesn't make any sense. i picked a science career cause i thought it would be a fun way to make money, but i'm not as smart as i used to be when i was younger, and it really shows.
i also feel like my life is in a box and i cant get out. i see other girls my age laughing with their friends and having fun, and i know i can't do that cause it's a bit difficult to socialize, and i was homeschooled all throughout middle and high school (which i regret doing) so i barely have irl friends, and i dont even meet up with them. not having any friends in my second semester here is making me feel empty and lonely.
but hey at least i'm in school to earn a degree which i'm not sure i'm even smart enough to pass, right? all i have to worry about is my future right? that's what my parents tell me, to focus on whats going to make me succeed in the future. yet the state of my mental health is eating away at me everyday. i'm not sure what i even want to do anymore, i've lost motivation to live.
everyones forming their lives and i feel stuck in an empty space, and then theres a feeling of impending doom that i'm going to die soon, that my life is just going to end abruptly, and i'll regret the things i wasn't able to have in life. i mean i do plan on ctb soon anyways, but this feeling is just horrendous. i don't really want to die, but the future looks grim.
i want to try to study, but seriously considering ctb is discouraging me. but at the same time, if i dont ctb, and decide to lock in for my future, my grades will be low from not studying.
huge yappathon here, but i was just wondering if anyone else felt like this. like even though they have sort of an oppertunity in life, they still feel stuck and depressed. like they're not good or smart enough, and they've lost all motivation to move forward.
tldr; no social life, declining mental abilities, depression, and regret affecting student life
i also feel like my life is in a box and i cant get out. i see other girls my age laughing with their friends and having fun, and i know i can't do that cause it's a bit difficult to socialize, and i was homeschooled all throughout middle and high school (which i regret doing) so i barely have irl friends, and i dont even meet up with them. not having any friends in my second semester here is making me feel empty and lonely.
but hey at least i'm in school to earn a degree which i'm not sure i'm even smart enough to pass, right? all i have to worry about is my future right? that's what my parents tell me, to focus on whats going to make me succeed in the future. yet the state of my mental health is eating away at me everyday. i'm not sure what i even want to do anymore, i've lost motivation to live.
everyones forming their lives and i feel stuck in an empty space, and then theres a feeling of impending doom that i'm going to die soon, that my life is just going to end abruptly, and i'll regret the things i wasn't able to have in life. i mean i do plan on ctb soon anyways, but this feeling is just horrendous. i don't really want to die, but the future looks grim.
i want to try to study, but seriously considering ctb is discouraging me. but at the same time, if i dont ctb, and decide to lock in for my future, my grades will be low from not studying.
huge yappathon here, but i was just wondering if anyone else felt like this. like even though they have sort of an oppertunity in life, they still feel stuck and depressed. like they're not good or smart enough, and they've lost all motivation to move forward.
tldr; no social life, declining mental abilities, depression, and regret affecting student life
