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bearbrikk

bearbrikk

Listen to the voice in your head
May 2, 2024
121
First a few things:
I am a whole lot to deal with as a person. ( because of my bpd, autism, and multiple other things )
I have never, ever, asked him (my bf) for a thing. Whether it be emotional support or gifts like rings.
Now looong story short.
I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 years now. And for a few weeks now I have been in my mania of my bpd. I would love to buzz my hair off, it's on my bucket list and right now it would give me some control back of my life. I never had a relationship with my hair anyway, it always caused me pain and it was always a trigger to overstimulate. At the end of the day, it would make me feel good and test the reactions of the people around me and how I would cope with those reactions. So, I told my boyfriend and he got pissed. He said '' It would be too much for me to handle'' ''I already have enough on my plate'' Side note: he gets bald as well in about 5 years, so he said ''We will do it together when we are 29''. Like I said to him, I get that it can be much for people but further in our fight he said these things: ''I changed for you throughout our relationship'' ''All that you talk about is you and how your opinion matters'' ''I gave you everything and now I am asking you one thing and you can't even do that''. As for these sentences, they broke me. All I care about is that he is happy, I never asked for a thing, I always give him what he wants, and I care most about his feelings. This trigger is not an unknown trigger for me because this was the case with everyone in my life. But I know you understand the feeling of not being good enough no matter how hard you try to meet their needs.
This was a nice vent of a little piece of a big puzzle that is my life so thanks if you read this.
 
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