Venting Unable to see meaning in anything. It's all black and white.

[HaibaneRenmei]

Wherever I go, people always strive for something as they're forced to exist. To cope with the natural fear of expiry burnt into their subconscious, they spend their existence working for meaningless things. Whether it's having the most amount of money, fame, power or control over one another.

They tell me to get a driver's license. Then I'll be able to go anywhere I want.

To me, a car is just a tool to go from point A to point B. I never saw it as anything "flashy" or "necessary". Let's say I get a car, and feed the psyop that's plagued human civilisation for a hundred years. Give more money to someone else, just for a "status symbol". Now what?

Pursue higher education.

Okay, I applied for college again, for the second time. Despite dropping out the first time. Now what? Fight your way through years of stress, work and then work some more to pay off your student loans.

Okay, let's say I did all those things. Now what?

Get a relationship. Despite not wanting one in the first place. Settle in hopes of happiness and give false promises to each other. Create more unconsenting humans and leave the burden of existence on them and hope that they'll do the same. Oh no, turns out I see past the smoke screen that are created by chemicals in my head and none of this means anything to me.

Now I'm just *magically* happy? Oh yes, I forgot that I'm supposed to be happy when I have all these things. Even though I see people all around me with these things, and they're just as miserable as I am. Okay. Thanks for forcibly kicking me further down in life.

It's all futile.

I took my bottle and went to my bedroom. I undressed down to my shorts and went to bed. Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Bach, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.

I took my choice. I raised the fifth of vodka and drank it straight. The Russians knew something.

 

[Carrot]

Assuming we are looking for a non-suicidal solution..

Is it that difficult to imagine a theoretical world and strive to achieve, pursue, educate people about it? Is that not meaningful?

I understand that "It's not worth it", "Odds are against me", "Those in power will not like this and can stop easily stop me.". But I think it's trivial to find something meaningful, at least for me.

If not, the next best thing is hedonism. Just enjoy life, there are more experiences than you can ever experience. If you don't care about having the most money, fame, power, control, status or a "better" car, then you are already ahead. You still need some amount of money to function in this world, but you need significantly less of it than some others. And you also need freedom, which is often taken for granted. And I can throw health too here.

 

[HaibaneRenmei]

Thanks, but I'm good.

I gave up on looking for a reason a long time ago. I do appreciate the reply.

 

[Dissolving Figment]

My personal take is that yeah, love is just chemicals that make me happy, but its also just chemicals that make me miserable most of the time.
If I could look past chemicals, I'd be like one of those monks that achieve peace and don't have any emotions.

Relationships did make me feel "magically" pretty happy, at least for the couple years they lasted.
And there's plenty of people that don't want kids out there.