Unable to escape my past. No do-overs in life.

[eternalmelancholy]

Even if all my health, financial and relationship issues were some how magically fixed overnight, I will still be haunted and tormented by my past.

All the platitudes in the world can't undo what happened to you. You will never be able to fully escape the memories of the horrific abuse, isolation and humiliation. This bitter resentment will slowly rot your brain and turn into dementia later in life.

By this point I know I have only two options - 1) Stay alive and endure torment and humiliation 2) Face my fears and CTB to avoid further pain. It is such an obvious choice to make but so hard to follow through.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is no escape from ourselves apart from death. We can never forget what has happened to us. Time may move on, but memories can last a lifetime. It really is horrible being alive. If only there was an option to forget. I hope you find peace whatever happens. Of course it is very difficult to ctb. If it was easier I would already be gone.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

There is no escape from ourselves apart from death. We can never forget what has happened to us. Time may move on, but memories can last a lifetime. It really is horrible being alive. If only there was an option to forget. I hope you find peace whatever happens. Of course it is very difficult to ctb. If it was easier I would already be gone.

The only downside of ctb is not knowing you were successful. Even to the bitter end you will never experience relief. Once you are gone you are gone.

That is why I want to desperately find peace and accept my fate before I ctb, instead of holding onto bitter resentment. But I am finding it impossible to find relief.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

[Removed]

My heart goes out to you and everyone here. None of us deserve this. Time does not heal all wounds. Mental anguish stays with you forever. It will fester, grow and occupy your mind. Paralyzing any hopes of recovery.

Unless you experienced it yourself you will never be able to understand. That is why normal people keep shouting condescending and ultimately meaningless platitudes our way. They will never get it.