Tying up loose ends w/ friends and family

[stationarymillennial]

Hey guys. I hope this post finds you relatively well. I'd like to know how you guys are handling tying up loose ends with friends and family. I don't speak with all of my family members, but there are some that are on good terms with me now, and I don't want to leave and have it be a surprise for them. I find this important for me because without knowing that I at least made an effort to say goodbye in some form, I don't know if I can CTB, or at least CTB with as much peace of mind as possible.

Do you agree? Is it important to you to say goodbye or tie up loose ends with friends, family, or someone? Thank you to the admins and you guys for giving me this space to talk.

Edit because I forgot key details: My mom says she would blame herself and wants me to wait for her to die. I think that's... not the greatest outcome, but what did I expect? What mother wants her child to die? She says she would blame herself, and I told her it's not her fault, although she is/was a severe alcoholic and did contribute to some sorrow in my life. I'm not going to tell her that, though. My sister is more understanding. I found these conversations extremely difficult.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Hey guys. I hope this post finds you relatively well. I'd like to know how you guys are handling tying up loose ends with friends and family. I don't speak with all of my family members, but there are some that are on good terms with me now, and I don't want to leave and have it be a surprise for them. I find this important for me because without knowing that I at least made an effort to say goodbye in some form, I don't know if I can CTB, or at least CTB with as much peace of mind as possible.

Do you agree? Is it important to you to say goodbye or tie up loose ends with friends, family, or someone? Thank you to the admins and you guys for giving me this space to talk.

Edit because I forgot key details: My mom says she would blame herself and wants me to wait for her to die. I think that's... not the greatest outcome, but what did I expect? What mother wants her child to die? She says she would blame herself, and I told her it's not her fault, although she is/was a severe alcoholic and did contribute to some sorrow in my life. I'm not going to tell her that, though. My sister is more understanding. I found these conversations extremely difficult.

This is probably going to sound super shitty but I honestly don't want to talk about it to anyone and just not have to care anymore.

 

[stationarymillennial]

This is probably going to sound super shitty but I honestly don't want to talk about it to anyone and just not have to care anymore.

This does not sound super shitty at all to me. In fact, I totally get it. Maybe I can relate because personally I'm just exhausted and this is a lot of work.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm well aware that my passing is going to affect some people very harshly - and people whom I love dearly. I want to do everything I can to lessen the blow and to reduce stress during the grieving period. Because of this, it's been important to me to get all my affairs in order and to leave messages/gifts for those people.

 

[falloutcarter13]

This is one of the hardest parts of suicide...personally, I feel like if I didn't have anyone who loved me, it would be extremely easy to do. Imo there's a reason why almost everyone says goodbye in a posthumous letter...if you try to make someone understand beforehand, they're going to try to "help" (force) you to stay here against your will. What's that old axiom? Its easier to get forgiveness than permission. I know my death is going to hurt a lot of people, but I feel like if I put all of my energy into trying to explain why and make them feel better in a letter, I'll have done the best I can.

 

[BetterInthanOut]

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have one final conversation where we laugh and talk about nothing in particular just a nice way to say goodbye. The problem with that is then that family member will think there's something that they missed and might feel guilty for not noticing that you were about to ctb. So it depends on what's good for you?

 

[falloutcarter13]

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have one final conversation where we laugh and talk about nothing in particular just a nice way to say goodbye. The problem with that is then that family member will think there's something that they missed and might feel guilty for not noticing that you were about to ctb. So it depends on what's good for you?

That's my problem with it too. Either way, its going to be tough as hell on them, if they really love you. I settled on just being around them and being as pleasant as possible, and then explaining in the letter that the love wasn't faked or forced, it was just how i wanted them to remember me, and that i was careful to make sure they had no inkling at what i was planning to do. I decided that leaving them with heartache is bad enough, I will do everything I can to make sure not to add guilt to the list.

 

[stationarymillennial]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Hopefully if other people have the same doubt, they can come to this thread and talk or get some ideas or support from these posts, or come in here to post. OMG, that's the whole point of a forum. I swear I'm not a dumbass. :S

I really like the idea of leaving gifts, like @falloutcarter13 mentioned (actually it was @Wisdom3_1-9, my bad). I'm poor lmao, but I was thinking of giving my sister the password to my Instagram account. It has a bunch of archived images and posts from my life. I think she would like that. I just hope it won't cause drama between anyone else that I chose to give just her the password. Maybe uploading certain files to a folder somewhere that everyone can access would be better. I dunno. The password idea is just intimate and it's where my heart is. (ETA: I went and deleted all the dick pics and sinful texts I could lol). I love her so much.

It breaks my fucking heart to have to leave her (sry im ranting a bit), but when we were talking on the phone, she said "Where would I find you?" in that sort of almost crying voice. I obviously can't tell anyone exactly where I am going to be. Ugh.

My family and friends are more progressive, so I can be up front about these topics, to a point. What's more is that I think I can tell that they know what is going to happen. I don't think I have to say it. But I dont want them to feel guilty either. What a trainwreck. lol.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Hopefully if other people have the same doubt, they can come to this thread and talk or get some ideas or support from these posts, or come in here to post. OMG, that's the whole point of a forum. I swear I'm not a dumbass. :S

I really like the idea of leaving gifts, like @falloutcarter13 mentioned (actually it was @Wisdom3_1-9, my bad). I'm poor lmao, but I was thinking of giving my sister the password to my Instagram account. It has a bunch of archived images and posts from my life. I think she would like that. I just hope it won't cause drama between anyone else that I chose to give just her the password. Maybe uploading certain files to a folder somewhere that everyone can access would be better. I dunno. The password idea is just intimate and it's where my heart is. (ETA: I went and deleted all the dick pics and sinful texts I could lol). I love her so much.

It breaks my fucking heart to have to leave her (sry im ranting a bit), but when we were talking on the phone, she said "Where would I find you?" in that sort of almost crying voice. I obviously can't tell anyone exactly where I am going to be. Ugh.

My family and friends are more progressive, so I can be up front about these topics, to a point. What's more is that I think I can tell that they know what is going to happen. I don't think I have to say it. But I dont want them to feel guilty either. What a trainwreck. lol.

When you delete your dick pics, you know your mind is made up sorry, not making light of your situation at all...that line just made me smile

 

[fluffysuicidalbear]

Personally I'm just keeping things the same with family/friends and not saying anything, don't want to risk my plans getting found and stopped.

 

[stationarymillennial]

When you delete your dick pics, you know your mind is made up sorry, not making light of your situation at all...that line just made me smile

HAHAHAHAHA for real! I was like, oh shit, this is it boysss hahaha. I personally love making light of shitty situations. I will joke about everything until I die, and even in the afterlife. I want people to joke about me like they do with Joan Rivers, knowing that that plastic skeleton is LOLing in her grave.

Personally I'm just keeping things the same with family/friends and not saying anything, don't want to risk my plans getting found and stopped.

I am worried about this too, like I might have said too much. I am going to adopt this sort of better-safe-than-sorry strategy for everyone else.