Discussion Two sides of the coin.

[AH-93]

Hey guys I'm new to this forum but have read through so many interesting and insightful posts so i thought i would share where i am now and how i got here.

I have complex depression, PTSD, dissociative disorder and anxiety. I self harm via cutting/scratching and have found pleasure in putting pressure onto the carotids with my hands till I pass out.

I have also been on the other side, helping people with similar mental health issues as a support worker and legally having to stop my service users from suicide.

My life is now at an impasse where I feel that I understand those people more now and I feel guilty for "saving" them even though it was part of my job. I am also thinking about CTB for most of the day and dreaming about it at night and have attempted in the past with a ligature.

Life is such a head fuck and these feelings are so strong it's hard to ignore but harder still to actually kms. Just wish i could magically stop existing or never had existed in the first place...

Well that's about the extent of my pathetic story but to anyone who read it I thank you for taking the time and I actually feel comfortable being part of a community that truly understands this shit.

Thanks.

 

[SadGirl]

It would be much simpler if I had not existed too, but unfortunately we are here. You sought medical help, right? Are you planning on ctb again? Hugs

 

[AH-93]

It would be much simpler if I had not existed too, but unfortunately we are here. You sought medical help, right? Are you planning on ctb again? Hugs

Started with a counselling group but I don't have high hopes for it. As of yet nothing set in stone but got a few ideas of what will hopefully take me to a place of peace. Hugs x

 

[SadGirl]

Started with a counselling group but I don't have high hopes for it. As of yet nothing set in stone but got a few ideas of what will hopefully take me to a place of peace. Hugs x

You could try a psychiatrist, take medication and try individual psychological therapy. But if not help and even decide to commit ctb, I hope you go in peace, my friend. And leave us a goodbye here in the forum, please. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Funkbunny]

Why is it pathetic? I feel ya! Sure you'll understand the 'wounded healer' concept. Nothing wrong in wanting to genuinely help people.. but with time in that kind of job, you gain an understanding of 'its' limitations and you're own.

I've said in other posts, the fundamental contractual obligation of having to stress what action you would have to take if you believed a client was a risk to themselves or others instantly stops you from being able to build a real honest relationship.

I walked away from being a counsellor because if that. Who the hell am I to threaten someone like that? Someone reaching out for help and I had to tell them that. No thank you.

To me your words show youhave heart! Something that is very much missing in this shithole of a world.