Venting [TW:SH] planning something stupid

[Gstreater]

Another trigger warning this is about very self destructive plans and possible Sexual assault.
To keep it simple I'm being dragged to a bar or club tomorrow. I'm going to get very drunk and let someone use me. I don't care about sex in fact I've never had sex with someone I wasn't in a relationship with. I just want to be used and broken so I feel something. I don't care about being taken advantage of or not being able to fight back. I don't even care whether it's a guy or girl.
I've been sexually assaulted when I was much younger by my brother so I do have some knowledge of what I'm doing to myself.

 

[Freebandzgang]

This is very harsh. Do you want this to happen to you or are you letting this happen to you? I hope you stay safe.

 

[Gstreater]

This is very harsh. Do you want this to happen to you or are you letting this happen to you? I hope you stay safe.

I want this to happen to me I've been feeling that I need more bad things to happen to me. I need something to get out of this awful head space I've been in and trying to be happy didn't work.