Hi all,
Not really sure where else to post this, not exactly a normal situation to be in or to randomly bring up and talk about casually with just anyone. I feel bad talking about it because it's a terrible situation and I don't really know what else to do or where to talk about it. I added a trigger warning as I don't wish to bring up any trauma for anyone who might have gone through the same experiences as me, I have C-PTSD related to childhood abuse so has been a tough situation to be in.
I felt very relieved when I turned 18 because it meant that I was an adult because with that I assumed that I'd never have to deal with a pedophile or ephebophile ever again. I always thought that well, I'm an adult, they have no interests in adults if they only like children and teens below age 18. But I think I might have been wrong. I used to feel so free and safe after becoming an adult because I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with anyone like that ever again and life would be a little better in that aspect at least. I never thought about the possibility of having someone like that use me and be interested in me as an adult. I look like a pretty normal adult, there's not really anything about me personality wise nor appearance wise that makes me appear as a child or a teen nor that makes me similar or comparable to one.
I guess there's been some red flags across these past 4 years with this said ex. Flags that even his own family and friends have pointed out to me, my own friends did so too, and he himself would say and do questionable things to me and around me now that I think about it. I've cut off former friends from my life whenever they accused him of having what they percieved as pedo tendencies and a pattern of predatory behaviours. I really wanted to think the best of him and I have defended him for 4 years. But it's getting increasingly more difficult to ignore all questionable things that are stacking up onto a big pile.
I questioned it briefly within myself in February but I dropped the thought about it eventually as I was feeling worried about how he was doing and I forgot about the whole thing until we reconnected in July and when he sexually assaulted me in August for seemingly no logical reason.
He cheated on me for the past year with a known pedophile who's younger than us but is an adult who roleplays as a toddler. Not sure why. Never got an answer to why that happened or why he'd be with someone like that in the first place. I unforunately had to meet said person in February which was quite uncomfortable to say the least and traumatic due to the fact that said person infected my ex with STD's which caused him to infect me with said STD's as a result of that person cheating on him and selling sex to random people. I was pregnant the first time when that transmission happened with his children and he then cheated on me again with that same person and moved in with them without my knowledge. He spent the entire year playing Minecraft with kids with this person, again, no idea why 2 mid 20 year old adults would be roleplaying as toddlers and playing Minecraft with little children when neither have any kids of their own and when the mistress don't want kids apparently despite roleplaying as one and having a fetish for them. I'm talking playing this all day every day all week for a year non-stop. He told me he was just traumatized by the whole STD infection situation and that he was traumatized by my difficult pregnancy that I had to abort and said he was too traumatized to have sex with me or to see me and to give him time, and since I have C-PTSD related to sexual abuse and intimacy, I totally understood where he was coming from and it was not a problem. I was patient and waited for him for that entire year. Then his mistress/partner told me that they were having sex while I was pregnant and alone and infected in a hospital bed without him and without any support from him what so ever. She was posting photos everywhere with captions "I'm your baby" while I was dealing with our dead twins alone. She had no idea that he had knocked someone up and that he was in a relationship with me at the time. She didn't seem to care either once she did find out as she refused to leave which did not make much sense to me as they have nothing in common but I suppose maybe they have a bond over liking children in a inappropiate way, that is honestly the only logical answer I can get to now. I heard from several former friends of his that this mistress might have been a person that he groomed and sexually assaulted when he was in high school. She's some years younger than him so it could very well be that person. Would maybe explain why she might have a trauma induced fetish related to pretending to be a child.
After I was sexually assaulted by him in August, he told me that she and him probably still have some STD's and that they both had refused to get cures and treatment for some reason so basically the both of them have been walking around spreading STD's to numberous people for the past 2-3 years. He also did not wear a condom during the assault for some reason despite how he knows how I feel about STD's and how traumatizing our last pregnancy was. I can't help but feel that he wanted to infect me again on purpose since he waited until an hour after the assault to tell me and/or he wanted to impregnate me again. Long story short, I did get pregnant as a result of this assault and I tried to fix things with him for the sake of the pregnancy, he involved some random second mistress who also is another weird child roleplaying person who demands to be called beanie baby, not sure which one of these mistresses are worse, they are all pretty unethical and rude.
He's been open about wanting kids since the day he got to know me years ago. He's voiced that yearly for 4 years. He agreed to try and fix things eventually and I tried my best. One day after sex he tells me that he had sex with that one mistress that was living with him for the past year without condom. I was pretty shocked by that. You know, I've kind of been worried after that other pregnancy that maybe he wanted kids with me just so that he could take the kid and bring it to her and abuse it with her since she refuses to have kids but still has that fetish for children itself. It's a pretty fucked up worry to have but I have had that for half a year ever since I found out about their affair and that he was with a known pedo. I sit and ask myself every day now if he impregnated me again now for that reason.
There's a lot of questionable past moments. He's tried to make me remove my breasts in my past and made me starve myself 3 years ago which I wrote about here back then, I didn't eat for a couple weeks. I realise now that he tried to make me look like a child maybe. What's really brought this up to me today and caused me to write about it is that I read some story earlier today that I randomly found on some game community that apparently had a pretty big pedo problem and it's a community that he's been obsessed with and involved with. What struck me when I read about it today was that it reminded me of a moment when he was playing that game infront of me last year when I was pregnant. He was on some server and he joked about how a old guy was being a bit creepy. He then randomly talked about how the guy was probably a groomer and a pedo who assumed that he was a kid. It was really messed up. I was like why are we still on this server then if you believe that? Maybe we should stop playing this or change servers? Instead he stayed on that server for hours. It was just him and that guy and all I was doing was just awkwardly watch. Now that I think about it today, I feel that maybe he was trying to test me subtly or trying to initiate some pedo thing with me or see if I'd be interested in kids or say something that showed that I was into that. I don't really know what else his intentions with that would have been, if it was my account and my PC and if I was suspecting some random guy to be a pedo, I'd leave that server or turn the game off. There's no reason for a normal human being to stay in a situation like that. It also brings up very disturbing feelings that I have about the Minecraft stuff too. When I got to know him he was trying to push that on me heavily and I was never interested in it. It's interesting to see now for over a year that he used that to play with children and a known pedophile. I'm glad that I didn't get involved with any of it and that I refused to participate in it years ago.
I contacted mistress number 2, the beanie baby last month to inform her of my pregnancy because I don't exactly want predatory women around my future kids and she said some things about CP and sexual things from when she was a kid that he was involved in, basically same story as with mistress number 1. Some days later my ex "leaves me" even though I left him days prior after I found out he was still cheating on me with mistress number 2. Some days after that I find out that there's a mistress number 3, again, another woman who's younger than us and who he has a story of grooming while she was a kid too. At this point there's at least 4 confirmed mistresses, all younger than us and who were kids when he first initially groomed and preyed upon them, and they all like to dress up as toddlers still and have some weird fetishes related to childrens stuff, beside maybe one of them, one of them is allegedly asexual currently, probably due to some other sexual trauma from what I've been told but they do sell sex? There's a couple more mistresses that I found out about in the middle of all of this in the past couple months but he dropped them fast, they were just regular adult women that were older than us and I guess maybe that's why he didn't keep them around as opposed to how he kept around the ones that he had groomed since their childhood and who were still roleplaying as children in sexual settings.
In bed after the assault in August he also told me that he views me as a mother to him and that he views the mistresses as whores that he can use and take advantage of. He allegedly got sexually abused once as a kid, no idea by who or when, but he's mentioned it a handful of times over the years. I never asked about who or when because of my C-PTSD and since that happened to me too so I obviously don't want to dig, but I think it might have been his dad's former girlfriend, she's a bit weird and overly and inappropiately touchy with him and he hates her despite never explaining why.
A friend told me in June that if my ex had known me when I was kid, he probably would have preyed up and groomed and sexually assaulted you back then too, the way he did with the first mistress. I defended my ex despite the fact that I knew he was still with that pedophilic mistress and I got ridd of my friend due to them saying that sentance to me.
Maybe my current idea is just wrong, but I don't got much else to work with. My ex is difficult and is walking around committing all sorts of crimes against me so what else am I supposed to do and think. I'm trying to find some logic in all of this behind why he'd act this way and do these things. I wouldn't want to be with someone who's a pedophile, nor would I want to have sex with one. I'd be too disturbed to, so I'm not sure how he willingly cheated on me and had sex with a pedophile who roleplays as a little girl in bed for a year, unless he's into that and unless he's a pedo too. He desperately wanted me to keep our kids last year and for me to not abort. This time? He's suddenly begging me to abort and have been trying to coerce me into it and also tried to get me to miscarry for the past 3 months. Why's that I wonder? I'm wondering if he spent so much time on this pedo stuff and with these pedo people that he's now scared of actually having his own kids because maybe he knows that he will do something bad to them and let these women do bad things to the child too due to their fetishes. I don't know what else to make of it other than that, that is the only conclusion I can come to. I hate that I ever had to go through this. I'm the only person he's been with who looks like an adult and acts like an adult and who's older than him. I wonder why me, and then I realise that he probably just wanted to use me for the purpose of getting a child out of me that he could abuse. I feel like that was the only reason that he was with me. I have nothing in common with any of these other 4 mistresses. I don't look like them and I do not behave like them, and I never will nor have I ever done any child roleplay and I never will. I'm the only person he's wanted kids with desperately and who he's knocked up, and he's knocked me up 4 times now on purpose.
I guess that's it. That's all I have to write for now about this weird situation. There's some other things that pointed toward that he might be into kids, but I forgot about it during the writing. I did report him in August for the sexual assault that happened then, he's not talking to me anymore after I caught him cheating on me with those 2 other mistresses last month and after we broke up over it. He admitted to a bunch of other crimes that he's commited against me when he was ranting about the mistresses situations.
Not really sure where else to post this, not exactly a normal situation to be in or to randomly bring up and talk about casually with just anyone. I feel bad talking about it because it's a terrible situation and I don't really know what else to do or where to talk about it. I added a trigger warning as I don't wish to bring up any trauma for anyone who might have gone through the same experiences as me, I have C-PTSD related to childhood abuse so has been a tough situation to be in.
I felt very relieved when I turned 18 because it meant that I was an adult because with that I assumed that I'd never have to deal with a pedophile or ephebophile ever again. I always thought that well, I'm an adult, they have no interests in adults if they only like children and teens below age 18. But I think I might have been wrong. I used to feel so free and safe after becoming an adult because I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with anyone like that ever again and life would be a little better in that aspect at least. I never thought about the possibility of having someone like that use me and be interested in me as an adult. I look like a pretty normal adult, there's not really anything about me personality wise nor appearance wise that makes me appear as a child or a teen nor that makes me similar or comparable to one.
I guess there's been some red flags across these past 4 years with this said ex. Flags that even his own family and friends have pointed out to me, my own friends did so too, and he himself would say and do questionable things to me and around me now that I think about it. I've cut off former friends from my life whenever they accused him of having what they percieved as pedo tendencies and a pattern of predatory behaviours. I really wanted to think the best of him and I have defended him for 4 years. But it's getting increasingly more difficult to ignore all questionable things that are stacking up onto a big pile.
I questioned it briefly within myself in February but I dropped the thought about it eventually as I was feeling worried about how he was doing and I forgot about the whole thing until we reconnected in July and when he sexually assaulted me in August for seemingly no logical reason.
He cheated on me for the past year with a known pedophile who's younger than us but is an adult who roleplays as a toddler. Not sure why. Never got an answer to why that happened or why he'd be with someone like that in the first place. I unforunately had to meet said person in February which was quite uncomfortable to say the least and traumatic due to the fact that said person infected my ex with STD's which caused him to infect me with said STD's as a result of that person cheating on him and selling sex to random people. I was pregnant the first time when that transmission happened with his children and he then cheated on me again with that same person and moved in with them without my knowledge. He spent the entire year playing Minecraft with kids with this person, again, no idea why 2 mid 20 year old adults would be roleplaying as toddlers and playing Minecraft with little children when neither have any kids of their own and when the mistress don't want kids apparently despite roleplaying as one and having a fetish for them. I'm talking playing this all day every day all week for a year non-stop. He told me he was just traumatized by the whole STD infection situation and that he was traumatized by my difficult pregnancy that I had to abort and said he was too traumatized to have sex with me or to see me and to give him time, and since I have C-PTSD related to sexual abuse and intimacy, I totally understood where he was coming from and it was not a problem. I was patient and waited for him for that entire year. Then his mistress/partner told me that they were having sex while I was pregnant and alone and infected in a hospital bed without him and without any support from him what so ever. She was posting photos everywhere with captions "I'm your baby" while I was dealing with our dead twins alone. She had no idea that he had knocked someone up and that he was in a relationship with me at the time. She didn't seem to care either once she did find out as she refused to leave which did not make much sense to me as they have nothing in common but I suppose maybe they have a bond over liking children in a inappropiate way, that is honestly the only logical answer I can get to now. I heard from several former friends of his that this mistress might have been a person that he groomed and sexually assaulted when he was in high school. She's some years younger than him so it could very well be that person. Would maybe explain why she might have a trauma induced fetish related to pretending to be a child.
After I was sexually assaulted by him in August, he told me that she and him probably still have some STD's and that they both had refused to get cures and treatment for some reason so basically the both of them have been walking around spreading STD's to numberous people for the past 2-3 years. He also did not wear a condom during the assault for some reason despite how he knows how I feel about STD's and how traumatizing our last pregnancy was. I can't help but feel that he wanted to infect me again on purpose since he waited until an hour after the assault to tell me and/or he wanted to impregnate me again. Long story short, I did get pregnant as a result of this assault and I tried to fix things with him for the sake of the pregnancy, he involved some random second mistress who also is another weird child roleplaying person who demands to be called beanie baby, not sure which one of these mistresses are worse, they are all pretty unethical and rude.
He's been open about wanting kids since the day he got to know me years ago. He's voiced that yearly for 4 years. He agreed to try and fix things eventually and I tried my best. One day after sex he tells me that he had sex with that one mistress that was living with him for the past year without condom. I was pretty shocked by that. You know, I've kind of been worried after that other pregnancy that maybe he wanted kids with me just so that he could take the kid and bring it to her and abuse it with her since she refuses to have kids but still has that fetish for children itself. It's a pretty fucked up worry to have but I have had that for half a year ever since I found out about their affair and that he was with a known pedo. I sit and ask myself every day now if he impregnated me again now for that reason.
There's a lot of questionable past moments. He's tried to make me remove my breasts in my past and made me starve myself 3 years ago which I wrote about here back then, I didn't eat for a couple weeks. I realise now that he tried to make me look like a child maybe. What's really brought this up to me today and caused me to write about it is that I read some story earlier today that I randomly found on some game community that apparently had a pretty big pedo problem and it's a community that he's been obsessed with and involved with. What struck me when I read about it today was that it reminded me of a moment when he was playing that game infront of me last year when I was pregnant. He was on some server and he joked about how a old guy was being a bit creepy. He then randomly talked about how the guy was probably a groomer and a pedo who assumed that he was a kid. It was really messed up. I was like why are we still on this server then if you believe that? Maybe we should stop playing this or change servers? Instead he stayed on that server for hours. It was just him and that guy and all I was doing was just awkwardly watch. Now that I think about it today, I feel that maybe he was trying to test me subtly or trying to initiate some pedo thing with me or see if I'd be interested in kids or say something that showed that I was into that. I don't really know what else his intentions with that would have been, if it was my account and my PC and if I was suspecting some random guy to be a pedo, I'd leave that server or turn the game off. There's no reason for a normal human being to stay in a situation like that. It also brings up very disturbing feelings that I have about the Minecraft stuff too. When I got to know him he was trying to push that on me heavily and I was never interested in it. It's interesting to see now for over a year that he used that to play with children and a known pedophile. I'm glad that I didn't get involved with any of it and that I refused to participate in it years ago.
I contacted mistress number 2, the beanie baby last month to inform her of my pregnancy because I don't exactly want predatory women around my future kids and she said some things about CP and sexual things from when she was a kid that he was involved in, basically same story as with mistress number 1. Some days later my ex "leaves me" even though I left him days prior after I found out he was still cheating on me with mistress number 2. Some days after that I find out that there's a mistress number 3, again, another woman who's younger than us and who he has a story of grooming while she was a kid too. At this point there's at least 4 confirmed mistresses, all younger than us and who were kids when he first initially groomed and preyed upon them, and they all like to dress up as toddlers still and have some weird fetishes related to childrens stuff, beside maybe one of them, one of them is allegedly asexual currently, probably due to some other sexual trauma from what I've been told but they do sell sex? There's a couple more mistresses that I found out about in the middle of all of this in the past couple months but he dropped them fast, they were just regular adult women that were older than us and I guess maybe that's why he didn't keep them around as opposed to how he kept around the ones that he had groomed since their childhood and who were still roleplaying as children in sexual settings.
In bed after the assault in August he also told me that he views me as a mother to him and that he views the mistresses as whores that he can use and take advantage of. He allegedly got sexually abused once as a kid, no idea by who or when, but he's mentioned it a handful of times over the years. I never asked about who or when because of my C-PTSD and since that happened to me too so I obviously don't want to dig, but I think it might have been his dad's former girlfriend, she's a bit weird and overly and inappropiately touchy with him and he hates her despite never explaining why.
A friend told me in June that if my ex had known me when I was kid, he probably would have preyed up and groomed and sexually assaulted you back then too, the way he did with the first mistress. I defended my ex despite the fact that I knew he was still with that pedophilic mistress and I got ridd of my friend due to them saying that sentance to me.
Maybe my current idea is just wrong, but I don't got much else to work with. My ex is difficult and is walking around committing all sorts of crimes against me so what else am I supposed to do and think. I'm trying to find some logic in all of this behind why he'd act this way and do these things. I wouldn't want to be with someone who's a pedophile, nor would I want to have sex with one. I'd be too disturbed to, so I'm not sure how he willingly cheated on me and had sex with a pedophile who roleplays as a little girl in bed for a year, unless he's into that and unless he's a pedo too. He desperately wanted me to keep our kids last year and for me to not abort. This time? He's suddenly begging me to abort and have been trying to coerce me into it and also tried to get me to miscarry for the past 3 months. Why's that I wonder? I'm wondering if he spent so much time on this pedo stuff and with these pedo people that he's now scared of actually having his own kids because maybe he knows that he will do something bad to them and let these women do bad things to the child too due to their fetishes. I don't know what else to make of it other than that, that is the only conclusion I can come to. I hate that I ever had to go through this. I'm the only person he's been with who looks like an adult and acts like an adult and who's older than him. I wonder why me, and then I realise that he probably just wanted to use me for the purpose of getting a child out of me that he could abuse. I feel like that was the only reason that he was with me. I have nothing in common with any of these other 4 mistresses. I don't look like them and I do not behave like them, and I never will nor have I ever done any child roleplay and I never will. I'm the only person he's wanted kids with desperately and who he's knocked up, and he's knocked me up 4 times now on purpose.
I guess that's it. That's all I have to write for now about this weird situation. There's some other things that pointed toward that he might be into kids, but I forgot about it during the writing. I did report him in August for the sexual assault that happened then, he's not talking to me anymore after I caught him cheating on me with those 2 other mistresses last month and after we broke up over it. He admitted to a bunch of other crimes that he's commited against me when he was ranting about the mistresses situations.
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