Trying

[prettycvnt]

I do not think I can wait for an SN source and getting meto from a doctor. I am going to attempt to do full suspension hanging today. I have tried it before and failed, my chances of succeeding are not high. But I have run out of options. After this, I might overdose on as much Tylenol as possible in hopes for an excruciating death. I have also tried tylenol before and it was the most painful experience of my life. But I am getting desperate. God, I want to say sorry to my family and mostly sorry to my dearest friend. My family has had to deal with the burden of me for 18 years. And as for my friend, I can tell they are disappointed in me for not trying at life. Not having a job, not trying to get on with my studies. I am also disappointed in myself for choosing to lie down and die and for wasting so much time and resources. I am the most pathetic human on the planet. Even me coming to this site is pathetic. My whole existence was pointless and my death will matter even less. I am nothing but a complete waste. I cannot even write a proper note to apologize because I know it will be insincere. I wish I was never born.

I might be back soon after this post. I hope not. Everyday I feel my friend drift further and further away. It hurts. But I did this to myself.

 

[prettycvnt]

Not that anyone cares but the rope broke.

 

[iji]

My family has had to deal with the burden of me for 18 years.

You're pretty young. Live at least to 25 and try changing your life. Work, study, find a partner...

You parents put you in this world, it is their obligation having to deal with you... just be grateful if they help you.

 

[Hollowman]

Sorry you're suffering so much, people do care.

 

[prettycvnt]

Thanks but I've tried. I don't see a point. But it looks like I won't have much choice til I get my hands on some SN and meto.

Sorry you're suffering so much, people do care.

Thank you. And I'm not suffering. I'm just a waste.

 

[Freimann]

Not that anyone cares but the rope broke.

I'm happy for you. Full suspension is a terrible and agonizing way to ctb.

 

[prettycvnt]

I'm happy for you. Full suspension is a terrible and agonizing way to ctb.

It was quite painful for a few seconds before it broke. But I figured a few minutes of agony is better than a lifetime of it. Also, love the taxi driver icon. Great movie.

 

[iji]

Thanks but I've tried. I don't see a point. But it looks like I won't have much choice til I get my hands on some SN and meto.

What have you tried exactly? And what exactly you don't see a point in? The age you are is transition phase and very tough one. If you are able to find happiness, things you begin to make sense.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best wishes, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to leave this world.

 

[prettycvnt]

What have you tried exactly? And what exactly you don't see a point in? The age you are is transition phase and very tough one. If you are able to find happiness, things you begin to make sense.

I tried getting a job, and school. I'm a hs dropout who can't seem to force myself to study and the longest I've lasted at a job is 1 month. There is no point in living. I have only a couple of online friends and I know they wouldn't want to see me waste my life away. I'm sure them and my family will be able to easily move on. It's better to die young than to waste everyone's time and resources. I'm taking medication for mental health and it makes no difference. I'm not depressed. Just too lazy to live. I've been on nearly a dozen medications before and been to the psych ward several times, even did a residential treatment. All in vain. I'm so sorry for my defeatist tone.

 

[Freimann]

I tried getting a job, and school. I'm a hs dropout who can't seem to force myself to study and the longest I've lasted at a job is 1 month. There is no point in living. I have only a couple of online friends and I know they wouldn't want to see me waste my life away. I'm sure them and my family will be able to easily move on. It's better to die young than to waste everyone's time and resources. I'm taking medication for mental health and it makes no difference. I'm not depressed. Just too lazy to live. I've been on nearly a dozen medications before and been to the psych ward several times, even did a residential treatment. All in vain. I'm so sorry for my defeatist tone.

How's the psych ward? A friend of mine tried to ctb some days ago and was actually sent to one. Of course it varies from country to country and what not, but what was your experience?

 

[prettycvnt]

How's the psych ward? A friend of mine tried to ctb some days ago and was actually sent to one. Of course it varies from country to country and what not, but what was your experience?

Greatly depends on the hospital, it's staff, and the other patients. Also, I was there as a minor, so I cannot speak for what it's like as an adult. I went to 3 different hospitals. One was actually quite nice, they had a strong routine and the staff seemed to genuinely care. Another one was quite horrible, they were understaffed and there wasn't much to do. The most recent one I'd been to didn't even have a doctor, or even a therapist, we just watched tv all day. It's honestly not bad, it's just you lose your mind a little stuck in there with no outside contact and with other mentally ill people. I was at a residential treatment facility for 2 months straight, and every couple of weeks i'd break down crying, begging to go home. It can help some people, but a lot of people have horrible experiences there.

 

[iji]

I tried getting a job, and school. I'm a hs dropout who can't seem to force myself to study and the longest I've lasted at a job is 1 month. There is no point in living. I have only a couple of online friends and I know they wouldn't want to see me waste my life away.

Don't you think maybe you don't see a point because one need to certain things for happiness that you're missing? See the Maslow hierarchy of needs.



For studying, did you try applying techniques like pomodoro, active learning? What you find challenging about it? Studying is supposed to be uncomfortable, that's normal. But maybe you have a talent you could make use of for generating money instead of following the standard path?

Why did you quit your job? Didn't it satisfy you? Didn't you care about saving money for acquiring material things, investing, etc?

Your real friends should be happy you're alive, regardless of these situation. You're just 18, you have much ahead of you.

 

[prettycvnt]

Don't you think maybe you don't see a point because one need to certain things for happiness that you're missing? See the Maslow hierarchy of needs.



For studying, did you try applying techniques like pomodoro, active learning? What you find challenging about it? Studying is supposed to be uncomfortable, that's normal. But maybe you have a talent you could make use of for generating money instead of following the standard path?

Why did you quit your job? Didn't it satisfy you? Didn't you care about saving money for acquiring material things, investing, etc?

Your real friends should be happy you're alive, regardless of these situation. You're just 18, you have much ahead of you.

I have tried differeny study techniques, and it's not too challenging, just pointless. Why I quit my job? I don't know. Laziness. And I really don't feel like I'm just "18", time is weird. To me, if I have no willingness to change, I might as well be 45. There's no difference, really. I know change won't come magically and I know I'm not willing to put in the effort. I feel like dying is much easier than living. I cannot stay alive and burden those around me. Thank you so much for your replies and trying to help. Ik it's a bit frustrating talking to someone like me.

 

[Gonnerr]

Good luck , whatever you decide.