Trying to stop drinking (Alcoholic)

[TheGoodGuy]

I am sitting here trying to fight the urge/feeling of not drinking I wanna stop drinking but I just can´t.. I can´t..

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Do you want to stop, or do you need to stop?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Do you want to stop, or do you need to stop?

Both I need to stop to continue my therapy for aspergers and I also want to stop since I actually hate alcohol. But the thread is mostly for fun since I thought it was funny with the "I just can´t I can´t (clicking link) I can´t fight this feeling anymore etc.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Both I need to stop to continue my therapy for aspergers and I also want to stop since I actually hate alcohol. But the thread is mostly for fun since I thought it was funny with the "I just can´t I can´t (clicking link) I can´t fight this feeling anymore etc.

I've recently stopped myself. You just need to try to stay busy and stop thinking about it so much. You've gota really want it too.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I've recently stopped myself. You just need to try to stay busy and stop thinking about it so much. You've gota really want it too.

I have noticed that sometimes when I get busy with writing long posts I forget about the mental urge to drink for that short while but because of apathy and anhedonia I don´t have anything to keep me busy with the only thing I do is watching the same series over and over, and some YouTube being on this forum and another one and I don´t really enjoy video games anymore but even so I tried booting up CS GO after months of not playing but since they keep updating the game and add more cosmetic content my FPS is so low that I can´t play it smoothly.

And because of lockdown there are nothing to do despite I only went to a gunclub before but it is starting to open up but very restricted so we have to book a time so I hope a nice shooting session after over 3 month lockdown will be nice.

there is also the problem that I am addicted to benzos and both benzodiazepines and ethanol both affects the GABA receptors so it´s hard to tell which urge or withdrawal I am feeling like if I haven´t taken a benzo for many hours am I feeling the urge to drink or just need a benzo? But I called a rehab center today and have a time on Monday which I have delayed for at least 2 weeks so hopefully that will help.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I stopped four years ago after thirty years of alcohol abuse has destroyed my body, which is gradually and comprehensively fucking up.
And yet I still have the odd glass of wine precisely because, even though it's killing me slowly, it's the only thing that alleviates the things that plague me and I still go into 'fuckit' mode.
Nothing in life has come close to the feeling alcohol has given me and the times I have had under the influence. That's very addictive in itself. I hate that I am always a prisoner to this because of my malfunctioning biochemistry.
I window shopped beer today, but luckily the store had run out of all my favourites.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I stopped four years ago after thirty years of alcohol abuse has destroyed my body, which is gradually and comprehensively fucking up.
And yet I still have the odd glass of wine precisely because, even though it's killing me slowly, it's the only thing that alleviates the things that plague me and I still go into 'fuckit' mode.
Nothing in life has come close to the feeling alcohol has given me and the times I have had under the influence. That's very addictive in itself. I hate that I am always a prisoner to this because of my malfunctioning biochemistry.
I window shopped beer today, but luckily the store had run out of all my favourites.

That sound horrifying to have through decades of this.

But I disagree with how amazing alcohol is, you clearly have never tried MDMA even if suicidal and in the right company it will be on of the best days of your life it´s pure euphoria from 3-5 hours it´s so amazing.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That sound horrifying to have through decades of this.

But I disagree with how amazing alcohol is, you clearly have never tried MDMA even if suicidal and in the right company it will be on of the best days of your life it´s pure euphoria from 3-5 hours it´s so amazing.

You are correct, I haven't tried anything like that, I was always too afraid of losing myself. Alcohol for me, made me into who I wanted to be for a short time. It wasn't so much about escape or even hedonism, simply losing certain bad traits and letting good ones out. Some of it was substance abuse, granted, but a chunk of it was actually being addicted to being the person I really was under all the repressed mental junk that booze just side stepped.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

That sound horrifying to have through decades of this.

But I disagree with how amazing alcohol is, you clearly have never tried MDMA even if suicidal and in the right company it will be on of the best days of your life it´s pure euphoria from 3-5 hours it´s so amazing.

Not who you responded to, but I've heard that about MDMA quite a bit, but I've also heard the crash is horrible. I've always been intrigued to try it, but I'm afraid of the crash making me worse than I am at baseline. What was the crash like for you? Was it as bad as they say?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You are correct, I haven't tried anything like that, I was always too afraid of losing myself. Alcohol for me, made me into who I wanted to be for a short time. It wasn't so much about escape or even hedonism, simply losing certain bad traits and letting good ones out. Some of it was substance abuse, granted, but a chunk of it was actually being addicted to being the person I really was under all the repressed mental junk that booze just side stepped.

MDMA makes you love all people and it´s debateable if it is fake or real because what is reality even? I recently debated with a person on this forum who accused me of being a psychopath which I will admit isn´t a far stretch I guess I am a bit of a sociopath but on MDMA I love all humans male or female in a none sexual way it´s hard to describe there is no hate and if you got social anxiety no matter how bad it is you can walk up to a stanger and talk to that person and from a person like me with social anxiety it was incredibly to experience life with 0% social anxiety.

Some people like a video on the channel Drugslab says it´s like being 5 years old again and I agree with that you live in the moment you don´t care about how childish you might appear you are just living in the moment like in your childhood and as for males at least sexuality doesn´t exist most males can´t get hard they just feel love I remember hugging on of my friends (who was also on MDMA) for 5 minutes and another friend told us we hugged for 5 minutes while moaning even though it felt like it was 10 seconds we both thought that and we didn´t get aroused it was in a sense like being a child again it was truly an amazing experience. I could keep going on about that night but will end hear since I am always writing too much.

Not who you responded to, but I've heard that about MDMA quite a bit, but I've also heard the crash is horrible. I've always been intrigued to try it, but I'm afraid of the crash making me worse than I am at baseline. What was the crash like for you? Was it as bad as they say?

The 2nd time as I just desribed was very smooth but if you want a clean comedown benzos would be a good idea for just that one time don´t keep using them I never used benzos on comedown yet I am addicted to them now to treat anxiety but you won´t become addicted to benzos by using them once to calm down after MDMA.

But I cannot underestimate how amazing MDMA is especially music and touch, I can still listen to songs and experience flashbacks to that night it is an amazing drug, and showes on MDMA omg that is heaven I usually like hot showers but tried a cold one but it doesn´t feel cold the water is so soft it´s just so amazing personally I think everyone should try MDMA at least once in their life because how good it is, it´s like a 1000 times better than you best orgasmn ever in a none sexual way it´s hard to imagine if you haven´t tried it because it has nothing to due with your groin only the amount of euphoria.

 

[Epsilon0]

I am sitting here trying to fight the urge/feeling of not drinking I wanna stop drinking but I just can´t.. I can´t..

I have nothing wise to say about your dilemma, but I love the song, so thank you for for that.

All the best to you @TheGoodGuy

 

[pete_x]

Alcoholic and drug addict here. [recovered]
It's one day at a time <-- annoying but true.
and you have to persue recovery for yourself. Noone else.
This endeavor requires selfishness.
Logic being quitting for anyone else is a deception
and more often than not doomed to failure/relapse.

The above was true for me.
That's all i got on that.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Alcoholic and drug addict here. [recovered]
It's one day at a time <-- annoying but true.
and you have to persue recovery for yourself. Noone else.
This endeavor requires selfishness.
Logic being quitting for anyone else is a deception
and more often than not doomed to failure/relapse.

The above was true for me.
That's all i got on that.

I agree but I lost one my best and loyal friends to "just" get off weed and I feel bad for that I wish I had just killed myself years ago..

As already said I have no hopes and dreams due physical and mental problems so there is no life for me anymoew I lived a full life

 

[pete_x]

I agree but I lost one my best and loyal friends to "just" get off weed and I feel bad for that I wish I had just killed myself years ago..

Okay i understand that but, that sounds like a problem ownership issue.
Recovery is hard, merciless with truth and zero bullshit. All deflections/tangents are bullshit.
The focus has to be you. Meaning if you can reconnect with your friend good. Your friend doesn't need to quit, you do.

I did the poor-man's recovery, thrown in detox by the pigs and curled up in a chair for almost two weeks in agony [heroin]
but by the end of that i dropped everything except weed and even cut back probably 90% usage. Anyway point is it has to be you for you.
You don't start that until all your deflections/tangents dry up.

I mean the above in the best way having gone through it.

Edit: beware the religious in this arena, they are always deceptive/predatory. If they have good counsel born from experiences then good.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I got a feeling AA meetings will have social distancing problems when they start up again as people in lock down have become used to drinking indoors, it's a bad habit we were forced into with Covid-19, it's easier as the supermarkets deliver to your door, cheaper and you can relax having a cigarette watching movies or listening to music I certainly need to cut down, anyway good luck if you can quit.

Cheers

Geo

 

[Kumachan]

sorry mate im reading this sipping some red... Listening to this:

 

[Mickeybee]

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this yet (only got 2 mins online), but you should join drugs-forum. There is a *huge* section on recovery, from alcohol, cocaine, heroin - every drug there is. The advice, information, expertise and support, is amazing, and in my (sadly very extensive experience), the best/most comprehensive on the net.
They're good people over there, they'll welcome you with open arms and great advice. All the best, mate.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

You just stop when you want to, no two ways about it.

No magic bullet I'm afraid, just stop.