Venting Trying to hold on little longer... but might not make it.

[Princess_Kitty]

So...my original plan was to CTB end of March. But, I don't think that'll be possible. I don't want to leave my partner with nothing. I need to hold on long enough to find a job and save up some money for them. In case they can't work after I'm gone.

With how things are going right now.... I don't know how much longer I can really hold on. Evey day is torture for me. I do nothing but think about death.

I have purchased SN and am waiting for it, I've got Antiemetics already and I do have a 2nd CTB method as a back up available. I really need to hold on longer... but it's feeling like I might not make it. If not March maybe end of this year... but that's so far off *sigh*.

I just needed to get this off my chest since I have nobody else to talk to about it.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

one foot in front of the other, go zombie mode. trudge. thats the best way, in my opinion. picture yourself as a robot that you control, view it like a sim. assume the same indifference you have for a game character. frame thoughts as observations, if possible. not a great way to be, but when i feel like i just cant be me anymore this is how i do it. hardest part is people you know trying to talk to you, since it's all ruined if they think something's up. when that happens, you need to learn to "re-enter" yourself and perk up and act like its all peachy. keep it friendly but brief. act as if you are chronically busy, people will buzz off and respect your work ethic, be it genuine or feigned. might not be for everyone, but if it sounds right to you give it a shot

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

venting always helps with stuff like this obviously, so vent to your hearts content. otherwise, just taking it day by day is always the best way to live in my experience if you're in this situation. i really do hope you're able to get to a point where it at least feels ok.

 

[Labyrinth]

one foot in front of the other, go zombie mode. trudge. thats the best way, in my opinion. picture yourself as a robot that you control, view it like a sim. assume the same indifference you have for a game character. frame thoughts as observations, if possible. not a great way to be, but when i feel like i just cant be me anymore this is how i do it. hardest part is people you know trying to talk to you, since it's all ruined if they think something's up. when that happens, you need to learn to "re-enter" yourself and perk up and act like its all peachy. keep it friendly but brief. act as if you are chronically busy, people will buzz off and respect your work ethic, be it genuine or feigned. might not be for everyone, but if it sounds right to you give it a shot

Your comments are truly hilarious, sensational.

But concealment is a choice, not a necessity. Simply show your "inner self" without worrying about pleasing those who don't know you. Dissimulation can drain a lot of vital energy. You decide.