Help Trying to have the strength to leave my boyfriend so he is not as hurt when the time comes

[Pixiep]

Weve been toxicly fighting and on the verge of breaking up for months. Its not like itll surprise him much if i leave. And tbh i think hed feel as much relief as he will pain... We just always come back to each other shortly after bc we once were so in love and almost started a family..But Im doing the right thing right? It will be better not worse if I break up w him and then cbt in a few weeks instead while were together? And then should i still leave him a note? Or should i try to leave it at that clean break?

 

[Meditation guide]

.But Im doing the right thing right? It will be better not worse if I break up w him and then cbt in a few weeks instead while were together? And then should i still leave him a note? Or should i try to leave it at that clean break?

By it's nature, ctbing is a selfish act. You are doing it to leave everything behind to end the suffering you have. It's nice you are thinking of him and how hurt he will be but either way he will be hurt whether you first break up or not. It's time to think of you and what you need. He will be ok.

 

[LittleJem]

You should definitely leave him a note if you CTB. Otherwise he will blame himself - it's just a human thing, and he will blame himself regardless, so a note is essential. Does he know you have wanted to CTB? Or will it be a huge shock?

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[BipolarGuy]

Weve been toxicly fighting and on the verge of breaking up for months. Its not like itll surprise him much if i leave. And tbh i think hed feel as much relief as he will pain... We just always come back to each other shortly after bc we once were so in love and almost started a family..But Im doing the right thing right? It will be better not worse if I break up w him and then cbt in a few weeks instead while were together? And then should i still leave him a note? Or should i try to leave it at that clean break?

I have a pretty good gut feel for people and situations.

Aside from your arguing, I think your boyfriend loves you deeply.
I think you love him deeply too.

He is going to be devastated if you do this, and it may push him to do it too, or at least try to.

It's up to you what you do, but I would ask that you consider how you would truthfully feel if he hurt himself... :(

 

[heraclitus]

"By it's nature, ctbing is a selfish act. You are doing it to leave everything behind to end the suffering you have. It's nice you are thinking of him and how hurt he will be but either way he will be hurt whether you first break up or not. It's time to think of you and what you need. He will be ok. "

And in three sentences you have encapsulated our dilemma. We are self-obsessed and self-loathing, with more concern for the feelings and welfare of others than our own sanity and relief from pain.

We may be selfish, but it is healthy selfishness.

 

[Pixiep]

You should definitely leave him a note if you CTB. Otherwise he will blame himself - it's just a human thing, and he will blame himself regardless, so a note is essential. Does he know you have wanted to CTB? Or will it be a huge shock?

I

He knows but i dont think he takes it seriously at all

I have a pretty good gut feel for people and situations.

Aside from your arguing, I think your boyfriend loves you deeply.
I think you love him deeply too.

He is going to be devastated if you do this, and it may push him to do it too, or at least try to.

It's up to you what you do, but I would ask that you consider how you would truthfully feel if he hurt himself... :(

I am very scared if this exact thing happening... The world.is better with him in it. Not so mucb me. I dont want my decision to cbt to take him from this world too.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Two weeks ago my husband and I had a MAJOR fight and he threatened to divorce me. I hate to say it, but it was almost a relief. It was like a license to go kill myself. If he was out of the picture, there would be one less person to hurt. But then I think he would feel responsible to some point. I wouldn't want that.

I have written a note. I know people are n this forum vary considerably on their positions regarding notes, but I think it's necessary, especially if there is someone in your life who loves you that much.

 

[Pixiep]

I just feel im such a burden on him. Will definitely become even more so the more i plan to cbt. He is my only reason i hold on really. I dont want to hurt him. But then i hurt him more day to day i feel.

I feel like if id i left him for good before I end up cbting , he wouldnt be hurt as much? Itd be easier if parts of him didnt still care about me.

 

[MAIO]

By it's nature, ctbing is a selfish act. You are doing it to leave everything behind to end the suffering you have. It's nice you are thinking of him and how hurt he will be but either way he will be hurt whether you first break up or not. It's time to think of you and what you need. He will be ok.

Nobody has an obligation to live, she did not choose to be born she was forced into existence. Although they will miss her presence if she dies, her condition is too burdensome to require her continued presence. In such circumstances, what is selfish is the insistence that the prospective suicide remain alive, not that she seek his own demise. The argument about selfishness can backfire in another way. Just as it is sometimes the case that those who kill themselves have accorded insufficient weight to the interests of others, so it is sometimes the case that those who do not kill themselves make this error. Consistent with what I have already said, I do not think that the interests of others are decisive. Nevertheless, there are situations in which a person's interest in continued life is negligible, because she will die soon anyway, and the quality of his life is appalling. If seeing out his days, rather than taking his own life earlier, would spell financial ruin for her family (because of the costs of his medical care), then it may well be unduly selfish not to take one's own life.

 

[Deardaddy]

By it's nature, ctbing is a selfish act. You are doing it to leave everything behind to end the suffering you have. It's nice you are thinking of him and how hurt he will be but either way he will be hurt whether you first break up or not. It's time to think of you and what you need. He will be ok.

I agree, society make us what we are , selfish is better then evil I suppose that justify ctb