Trying to go, but SI keeps pulling me back

[hfdepression30]

Everything is ready for hanging. I'm alone. My anchor is strong and ligature is set up. I've locked my door. Note is done..

I've been stepping in and out of it for the last hour. I feel like I'm choking before I've even tightened the ligature or let my weight pull me down. Maybe I should try padding the sides so it's more comfortable? I didn't reach the feeling of blacking out but I know that's because I need to let go of all my weight and stop trying to balance some of it until I reach that feeling.. it's just SI keeps pulling me back and making me stop to think, take a break and try again.. I really want to CTB. I wish this was easier..

 

[nopointofliving]

Maybe it isn't the right time yet. if you wish, you can postpone this day till you feel more relaxed and willing to do it. whatever you choose, I respect your choice and I feel your pain and suffer as I myself suffer the same. Hug you tight :) hope the next moments be better for all of us :)

 

[hfdepression30]

Maybe it isn't the right time yet. if you wish, you can postpone this day till you feel more relaxed and willing to do it. whatever you choose, I respect your choice and I feel your pain and suffer as I myself suffer the same. Hug you tight :) hope the next moments be better for all of us :)

I've been telling myself that for a long time, that maybe it's just not the right time, but I can't keep putting this off.. my suicide is inevitable and I have to face it sooner or later. It's just so hard

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

If the noose does not tighten that shit might hurt for a while. I have not gotten any noose to automatically tighten yet and have not gotten close to blacking out. An entire bodyweight on a fixed-loop-type noose might not close carotids if very unlucky, this would result in a windpipe obstruction until passing out from the excruciating air choke.

I'd say at least being able to black out from the same noose during a partial or pulling would be advisable to anyone with the goal of avoiding a painful death.

 

[nopointofliving]

I've been telling myself that for a long time, that maybe it's just not the right time, but I can't keep putting this off.. my suicide is inevitable and I have to face it sooner or later. It's just so hard

The last time I wanted to do, I was not scared of death at all, I was thinking of the damage I could get if I failed at my attempt. I decided to postpone my ctb date till I can make a better successful plan. Meanwhile, I watched a video of a woman drinking SN and then she passed away peacefully. Her face expression still flash in my memory and it makes me scared of death itself. I know it isn't easy, life isn't easy and going through the death gate is even hard. Hope one day day we can see some light and make better choices for our life or death. you aren't alone and I respect your choice whatever it is. hug you , and sending much love to you ❤

 

[hfdepression30]

If the noose does not tighten that shit might hurt for a while. I have not gotten any noose to automatically tighten yet and have not gotten close to blacking out. An entire bodyweight on a fixed-loop-type noose might not close carotids if very unlucky, this would result in a windpipe obstruction until passing out from the excruciating air choke.

I'd say at least being able to black out from the same noose during a partial or pulling would be advisable to anyone with the goal of avoiding a painful death.

It has a slip knot so it tightens when I hang on it. I just couldn't get passed the choking panic before blacking out. I did just see a video which recommends leaning forward to induce black out rather than hanging immediately, so I tried it and it made a big difference. I wasn't choking and could feel myself getting dizzy

 

[orlandom]

Everything is ready for hanging. I'm alone. My anchor is strong and ligature is set up. I've locked my door. Note is done..

I've been stepping in and out of it for the last hour. I feel like I'm choking before I've even tightened the ligature or let my weight pull me down. Maybe I should try padding the sides so it's more comfortable? I didn't reach the feeling of blacking out but I know that's because I need to let go of all my weight and stop trying to balance some of it until I reach that feeling.. it's just SI keeps pulling me back and making me stop to think, take a break and try again.. I really want to CTB. I wish this was easier..

I thought you chose coal.

Maybe not the time now? I am sending you a lot of positive emotions. Enjoy. My mug of coffee is now making 10 minutes of happiness for me.

 

[GarageKarate07]

If the noose does not tighten that shit might hurt for a while. I have not gotten any noose to automatically tighten yet and have not gotten close to blacking out. An entire bodyweight on a fixed-loop-type noose might not close carotids if very unlucky, this would result in a windpipe obstruction until passing out from the excruciating air choke.

I'd say at least being able to black out from the same noose during a partial or pulling would be advisable to anyone with the goal of avoiding a painful death.

Is this person gone?

 

[hfdepression30]

I thought you chose coal.

Maybe not the time now? I am sending you a lot of positive emotions. Enjoy. My mug of coffee is now making 10 minutes of happiness for me.

Yeah. I still prefer coal for how peaceful it is and being able to 'ctb in your sleep' but there's a couple of personal issues with my home life and situation that make me think it's not the best idea.

Hanging has always been a plan B for me. It just makes sense. It's the number 1 method of choice worldwide. Relatively quick. As long as you're not found then you're highly likely to succeed. Depending on how you do it, it can be relatively painless or at least not terribly painful before unconsciousness. And it's accessible too. Little preparation or planning.. I don't know. The pros outweigh the cons for me so I'll likely go by hanging now.

Is this person gone?

Sadly not. I was just replying to orlandom's message when you're just came through. I spent hours stepping in and out of it on that day. I was totally ready, but then when I was sitting down for a few minutes I got some messages from my sister. She sent pictures of the cats (who I helped raise and they're my everything), so I replied telling her to tell them I love them, and that's when she asked me to come stay for the weekend. I wanted to say no because I was determined to ctb but I couldn't resist seeing the cats one last time.

I'm going to reattempt. Maybe tonight..

 

[GarageKarate07]

Yeah. I still prefer coal for how peaceful it is and being able to 'ctb in your sleep' but there's a couple of personal issues with my home life and situation that make me think it's not the best idea.

Hanging has always been a plan B for me. It just makes sense. It's the number 1 method of choice worldwide. Relatively quick. As long as you're not found then you're highly likely to succeed. Depending on how you do it, it can be relatively painless or at least not terribly painful before unconsciousness. And it's accessible too. Little preparation or planning.. I don't know. The pros outweigh the cons for me so I'll likely go by hanging now.

Sadly not. I was just replying to orlandom's message when you're just came through. I spent hours stepping in and out of it on that day. I was totally ready, but then when I was sitting down for a few minutes I got some messages from my sister. She sent pictures of the cats (who I helped raise and they're my everything), so I replied telling her to tell them I love them, and that's when she asked me to come stay for the weekend. I wanted to say no because I was determined to ctb but I couldn't resist seeing the cats one last time.

I'm going to reattempt. Maybe tonight..

From the stuff I read "Hippy and spiritual stuff" this is someone trying to help you stay here and prevent your suicide somehow from the other side. I get the same thing. I'm not sure if I love it or hate it. Phone calls or texts from family. Or friends. Taking a nap instead of doing homework for CTB. It seems annoying but maybe there's a stupid reason for it? I just keep thinking "I want to go home!". At this point I feel like I will be a burden and I'm emotionally and physically drained and I know many here feel the same way. It's a hard place to be in. ❤

 

[WornOutLife]

I really despite that SI guy...
"He" loves seeing me alive while suffering it seems!