Trying to find my fiance on this site

[BrokenAlien]

I've been struggling because I found out yesterday that my fiance killed himself. I know that he had used this site in the past because he told me about it, and told me that he posted about me and asked if he was wrong to kill himself over our breakup- I don't know all the details but I know it had to do with that. He posted that around March or April or May I think of this year. I feel so hopeless, so defeated, so guilty and broken. And I feel like I let my love die because I recently had to break up again from our toxic relationship. And after that.. now he's gone. And I cannot shake these horrible feelings and thoughts and I'm searching for any piece of him, I'm searching for any memory of him and I don't even know if I myself can live much longer without him.
Please if anyone thinks that rings a bell it would help me so much. I'm feeling so lost and uncertain about life. I just need help... I feel more pain I ever knew was possible. I'm not sure how to carry on when I caused this and I'm not sure I can live this life anymore with these feelings and without him. I feel like I messed up everything and there is no redo. And I'm desperate to go back in time.. I"m desperate for anything.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I found out yesterday

do you know what day he passed away? if they made a goodbye thread or something it would help narrow it down.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I am really sorry for your loss and sorry that you find yourself struggling with such feelings now. Just the words of a stranger on the internet, but nevertheless I am sorry.

I can't see enough details in your story to narrow it down, as suggested, a potential date for a goodbye thread might help?

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I am really sorry for your loss and sorry that you find yourself struggling with such feelings now. Just the words of a stranger on the internet, but nevertheless I am sorry.

I can't see enough details in your story to narrow it down, as suggested, a potential date for a goodbye thread might help?

She found him. It was StevenStevenSteven.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

She found him. It was StevenStevenSteven.

Thank you for letting me know.
@BrokenAlien I hope it brings you what you need and again I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I've been struggling because I found out yesterday that my fiance killed himself. I know that he had used this site in the past because he told me about it, and told me that he posted about me and asked if he was wrong to kill himself over our breakup- I don't know all the details but I know it had to do with that. He posted that around March or April or May I think of this year. I feel so hopeless, so defeated, so guilty and broken. And I feel like I let my love die because I recently had to break up again from our toxic relationship. And after that.. now he's gone. And I cannot shake these horrible feelings and thoughts and I'm searching for any piece of him, I'm searching for any memory of him and I don't even know if I myself can live much longer without him.
Please if anyone thinks that rings a bell it would help me so much. I'm feeling so lost and uncertain about life. I just need help... I feel more pain I ever knew was possible. I'm not sure how to carry on when I caused this and I'm not sure I can live this life anymore with these feelings and without him. I feel like I messed up everything and there is no redo. And I'm desperate to go back in time.. I"m desperate for anything.

It isn't your fault.

If you read through some posts here you will quickly realize that these issues are a life-long affliction for most people like your fiance. It is a great burden that he would have carried throughout his years, long before he met you. I'm not sure if that is a comfort or not, but I do consider it important to remind you of it. As a man on the other side of the equation, I can tell you that the small respite you provided your fiance (regardless of its ending) was priceless.

You didn't cause his death. He made his own choice.

 

[BrokenAlien]

It isn't your fault.

If you read through some posts here you will quickly realize that these issues are a life-long affliction for most people like your fiance. It is a great burden that he would have carried throughout his years, long before he met you. I'm not sure if that is a comfort or not, but I do consider it important to remind you of it. As a man on the other side of the equation, I can tell you that the small respite you provided your fiance (regardless of its ending) was priceless.

You didn't cause his death. He made his own choice.

Thank you, it made me cry reading this- and as much as I know suicide because I've grappled so many times with the idea myself, it just feels so heavy and hard to accept what happened. I appreciate you saying that I gave him some comfort because I feel like I let him down. Thank you for your message, it means a lot to me.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Thank you, it made me cry reading this- and as much as I know suicide because I've grappled so many times with the idea myself, it just feels so heavy and hard to accept what happened. I appreciate you saying that I gave him some comfort because I feel like I let him down. Thank you for your message, it means a lot to me.

You're very welcome. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

 

[LittleJem]

I honestly think that some of us are born with brains that have a tendency to go this way...I read research where they had looked at brains of people who ended their own lives and they found that they had less hippocampus structure. I personally see it as a neurological/physical condition - that we just can't see and don't fully understand yet.

I am really sorry for your loss.