Trying to determine if this life is objectively worth ending..?

[inevitableandplannd]

I'm mid-20's, repeatedly failing Calculus 2 for years while I live at home. I have no job, no degree yet except my Associate's, and no money. I would classify financial/professional life as hopeless and in an inescapable time-debt.

I have few friends, I do have a romantic partner, overall I would describe social life as desolate and alienating but not necessarily as hopeless as academics.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle; I've been in therapy for 10 years and still regularly want to kill myself and struggle with the same kinds of things I did when I began. I'm still fat despite constant efforts to the contrary. I'm still addicted to weed despite constant mental battles with it. It seems like living is a sunk-cost fallacy for me, no? Like, the biggest reason to keep going is just that I've already wasted a bunch of time on living.
On the other hand, it is possible that through the acquisition of knowledge that evades me presently, things can be remedied or massaged into an acceptable condition. I can't really see that happening, but whatever.

So basically, is there any point to even trying at this point? I feel like my life experience has proven conclusively beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a failure, a complete and utter failure of a human being. I don't think someone like that really deserves or needs to keep soaking up time and space, right?

 

[affirmatice]

I wrote a post yesterday about similar things.
I've been severely depressed for 5 years now, i'm in my early 20s. And haven't been able to cope with permanent physical challenges in my life.

My life is good in many ways, bad in this one way. But beyond the physical issues, it's the mental affects it's caused on me. I feel constantly limited, insecure, and just feel like I can never be that version of myself that I want to be.

Either i accept it, or i CTB. Living a mediocre life is not for me and only makes me feel worse. I can live and still do stuff. But if the whole time i'm miserable, then that is also not the life I'd rather live.

The last 5 years would suggest that it's more or less impossible. Maybe there's the tiniest thread of hope there but I'm not sure.

 

[inevitableandplannd]

I wrote a post yesterday about similar things.
I've been severely depressed for 5 years now, i'm in my early 20s. And haven't been able to cope with permanent physical challenges in my life.

My life is good in many ways, bad in this one way. But beyond the physical issues, it's the mental affects it's caused on me. I feel constantly limited, insecure, and just feel like I can never be that version of myself that I want to be.

Either i accept it, or i CTB. Living a mediocre life is not for me and only makes me feel worse. I can live and still do stuff. But if the whole time i'm miserable, then that is also not the life I'd rather live.

The last 5 years would suggest that it's more or less impossible. Maybe there's the tiniest thread of hope there but I'm not sure.

hit the nail on the head! I think it's my time, whether i like it or not...
Is it worth trying to help my family understand and know in advance? They seem understandably closed off to the idea (I've brought it up before with my proof to no avail), but I'd feel bad to blindside them.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It all boils down to how much you can tolerate the suffering.

 

[landslide2]

I'm mid-20's, repeatedly failing Calculus 2 for years while I live at home. I have no job, no degree yet except my Associate's, and no money. I would classify financial/professional life as hopeless and in an inescapable time-debt.

I have few friends, I do have a romantic partner, overall I would describe social life as desolate and alienating but not necessarily as hopeless as academics.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle; I've been in therapy for 10 years and still regularly want to kill myself and struggle with the same kinds of things I did when I began. I'm still fat despite constant efforts to the contrary. I'm still addicted to weed despite constant mental battles with it. It seems like living is a sunk-cost fallacy for me, no? Like, the biggest reason to keep going is just that I've already wasted a bunch of time on living.
On the other hand, it is possible that through the acquisition of knowledge that evades me presently, things can be remedied or massaged into an acceptable condition. I can't really see that happening, but whatever.

So basically, is there any point to even trying at this point? I feel like my life experience has proven conclusively beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a failure, a complete and utter failure of a human being. I don't think someone like that really deserves or needs to keep soaking up time and space, right?

Objectively based on just what you shared i would say you still have things to do.
You say you're addicted to weed despite mental battles with it. Objectively this is something to try and change. Weed has its uses but it can be detrimental to mental health and depression when it turns into abusing it just like other substances. It harmed my mental health to the point where I don't use it all anymore.

Your choice of major, have you considered other options that don't require courses like Calc II? Even explore the course/programs catalog?
Still, let's say you want to stick with it, have you tried tutoring and sought out online resources? You can find entire video lectures just from searching "calc ii video lectures". I think we can at least say your weed addiction may also be hurting your acquisition of knowledge. I think you can succeed in Calc II if you make other changes. You won't know until you try.

 

[Natanael]

If you ask me, I think you can still fix things, I have seen people in very bad situations or without opportunity, your situation is worrying and I won't lie to you, complicated, but objectively it can be fixed.

I usually judge this kind of things based on the opportunities you have at the moment, focus on the resources you have and try to build a strategy with them to improve your situation.

I've seen like 2 guys in my life in very similar situations to you (a little worse) and they are currently living well.

 

[BoredNTired]

I don't think there is a way to objectively determine it, but if you estimate your best estimate of your future hapiness is outwayed by your estimate of your future suffering, then CTB makes logical sense. All you can do it best guess how likely a positive and pleasant future is for you, and in your case where you've already tried and haven't found life worth it for 10 years, I'd say your choice is valid no matter if you decide to CTB or struggle and risk more unhapiness for the potential of a life worth living.