Venting Trying not to rush into CBT

[depthss]

I know doing things spontaneously can increase the risk of doing something wrong, and thus increase my chance of getting super injured but still living, which I really don't want, but I just can't take it anymore
I can't stop thinking about how lonely I am, whenever I try and do anything it's all I can think about. I think the success rate of cutting is about 1.3%, but I'm still really tempted to just try. I collect swords and knives + I do wood carving, so I have a lot of really sharp things I can use.
I know I probably won't, but it's just so hard I just need to get it out

 

[lostforever77]

I know doing things spontaneously can increase the risk of doing something wrong, and thus increase my chance of getting super injured but still living, which I really don't want, but I just can't take it anymore
I can't stop thinking about how lonely I am, whenever I try and do anything it's all I can think about. I think the success rate of cutting is about 1.3%, but I'm still really tempted to just try. I collect swords and knives + I do wood carving, so I have a lot of really sharp things I can use.
I know I probably won't, but it's just so hard I just need to get it out

I understand loneliness is a killer as real as any of those knives, but you are also right that the rate of success from cutting is very small. I had auctually thought to do the same because I am on "blood thinners" I thought it would be super easy, then I read on how to do it. To get to the "real" vein you have to cut through muscle and tendon, its so rare that anyone does this that emergency room doctors aren't even that trained up on how to repair that vein, the wounds are usually superficial. You know what to do. Take a deep breath, give youself a moment and get back to planning for the date when you won't be here, but then it won't be a rushed job that could end badly.

 

[Adûnâi]

Why do nobody ever mention drowning?

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Why do nobody ever mention drowning?

SI would be triggered. Lots of fear.

I know doing things spontaneously can increase the risk of doing something wrong, and thus increase my chance of getting super injured but still living, which I really don't want, but I just can't take it anymore
I can't stop thinking about how lonely I am, whenever I try and do anything it's all I can think about. I think the success rate of cutting is about 1.3%, but I'm still really tempted to just try. I collect swords and knives + I do wood carving, so I have a lot of really sharp things I can use.
I know I probably won't, but it's just so hard I just need to get it out

I've seen really gruesome self-harm wounds that weren't even close to life threatening on shtwt (self-harm Twitter). Saw someone's entire arm being sliced open vertically that the wound was gaping open, skin on both side of the gash like 1cm apart, and white was super exposed. Apparently that was regular for them and they were struggling with self-harm addiction, went to a hospital regularly for stitches for wounds like that. You are underestimating how difficult you would need to cut, this will not work. Do you have an alternative outlet to expressing your loneliness yet? Even if it's something like ctb research, it's still better than impulsive ctb. I whipped out my phone to look at overdose research for improving my plan every time I got active ideation urges.

 

[Adûnâi]

SI would be triggered. Lots of fear.

Technically, I have my BDSM handcuffs (with screws, not keys, they're a pain to put on), so that could be a neat idea, but then again, I would have no idea how even to enter that river - let alone where to find it. The rivers in my vicinity that I've seen are super shallow and low energy.

I've seen really gruesome self-harm wounds that weren't even close to life threatening on shtwt (self-harm Twitter). Saw someone's entire arm being sliced open vertically that the wound was gaping open, skin on both side of the gash like 1cm apart, and white was super exposed.

Yeah, the human body is incredibly resilient, even the Nipponese sudoky where they slice their belly still usually requires beheading after the fact lmao.

 

[depthss]

SI would be triggered. Lots of fear.

I've seen really gruesome self-harm wounds that weren't even close to life threatening on shtwt (self-harm Twitter). Saw someone's entire arm being sliced open vertically that the wound was gaping open, skin on both side of the gash like 1cm apart, and white was super exposed. Apparently that was regular for them and they were struggling with self-harm addiction, went to a hospital regularly for stitches for wounds like that. You are underestimating how difficult you would need to cut, this will not work. Do you have an alternative outlet to expressing your loneliness yet? Even if it's something like ctb research, it's still better than impulsive ctb. I whipped out my phone to look at overdose research for improving my plan every time I got active ideation urges.

I don't know if I really have an "alternative outlet to loneliness" since it's the main reason I want to CTB it's what I think about while I'm researching. I've been doing a lot of research though, so I don't think the chances of me trying to cut as a method is very high

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly very much understandable just wishing to be gone, I hate how existence doesn't come with an permanent offswitch to just instantly prevent all future suffering.

 

[BlockHammer]

The things that still keeps me from ctb is that there's a game that i still want to try. Although sometimes ctb crossed my mind whenever i was making a fatal mistake

 

[deadtomorrow]

Why do nobody ever mention drowning?

It's not particularly the best way to go

 

[casual_existence]

Craft yourself a guillotine maybe?

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Craft yourself a guillotine maybe?

The heck, who has the time and resources to do that and why? It doesn't sound painless at all.

 

[casual_existence]

The heck, who has the time and resources to do that and why? It doesn't sound painless at all.

Wdym? A high velocity blade slices off your neck. That sounds pretty quick and painless to me. Better than trying to dig into an artery.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Wdym? A high velocity blade slices off your neck. That sounds pretty quick and painless to me. Better than trying to dig into an artery.

I guess, it's like the ancient equivalent of gun suicide. Would be too scary for me.