Same as most people, I've gone through my fair share of lows and highs, but lows have definitely been the majority.
I did try to recover, but the effort I put forth never feels like enough to combat my mind dragging me down again.
Recently I've ended up in a depressive state, going on 3 weeks now. I've tried to avoid feeding it by not posting here, but I don't care anymore- the desire for suicide is hungry. I can't feel joy, everything feels dulled. I lost a role model to suicide last week and envy her. I have withdrawn from those closest to me, stopped going to therapy, and have been practicing not sharing my constant suicidal thoughts so not to burden anyone. Afterall, I've been suicidal my whole life and still am not dead, so why would it matter, clearly it isn't that serious.
I think I'm finished trying to recover. I can't keep lying to people about my desire to get better, it simply isn't there. I'm giving in to the darkness. No more new friends and distancing those I have is a must. I can suffer alone until it finally becomes enough that I can end it. One day my plan will come to fruition.
I did try to recover, but the effort I put forth never feels like enough to combat my mind dragging me down again.
Recently I've ended up in a depressive state, going on 3 weeks now. I've tried to avoid feeding it by not posting here, but I don't care anymore- the desire for suicide is hungry. I can't feel joy, everything feels dulled. I lost a role model to suicide last week and envy her. I have withdrawn from those closest to me, stopped going to therapy, and have been practicing not sharing my constant suicidal thoughts so not to burden anyone. Afterall, I've been suicidal my whole life and still am not dead, so why would it matter, clearly it isn't that serious.
I think I'm finished trying to recover. I can't keep lying to people about my desire to get better, it simply isn't there. I'm giving in to the darkness. No more new friends and distancing those I have is a must. I can suffer alone until it finally becomes enough that I can end it. One day my plan will come to fruition.
