Lullaby
🌙
- Mar 9, 2022
- 651
Some time ago, I mentioned that I was accepted into a pet grooming school. I was supposed to start last month, but my depression got much worse and I fell out of contact with almost everyone; including the school. Last week, I realized that being home with my thoughts all day was making me feel worse, so I reached out to a lot of people to get back on top of things. The school told me everything was fine and that I could start tomorrow, Monday morning. So I'm going to push myself and go through with it.
I'm excited, but the nerves are setting in today and I'm just really scared. For years, I could not keep a job and would just leave after a week. I dropped out of college twice because my anxiety was too severe and/or I just couldn't find anything that I was passionate about. Then I started working with animals, and noticed that was the first time ever where I held a job for a long time. Even on my bad days, I was still happy to go to work. So this is a trade I know I want to get into, but with how bad I've been lately, I'm scared I'll have a bad day and use that as an excuse to just give up completely. When I get too stressed or busy, I get overwhelmed and just shut down entirely. It's just too easy to stay in bed and go back to what you're used to.
But I'm going to really try and ignore these thoughts, and do one las, big push. It's been almost three years since I've done any work or schooling, so it'll take some time to adjust to being active again but I'm going to try and do this. I'm going to also start taking my medication again tomorrow morning before I leave and hope this all goes okay.
I'm excited, but the nerves are setting in today and I'm just really scared. For years, I could not keep a job and would just leave after a week. I dropped out of college twice because my anxiety was too severe and/or I just couldn't find anything that I was passionate about. Then I started working with animals, and noticed that was the first time ever where I held a job for a long time. Even on my bad days, I was still happy to go to work. So this is a trade I know I want to get into, but with how bad I've been lately, I'm scared I'll have a bad day and use that as an excuse to just give up completely. When I get too stressed or busy, I get overwhelmed and just shut down entirely. It's just too easy to stay in bed and go back to what you're used to.
But I'm going to really try and ignore these thoughts, and do one las, big push. It's been almost three years since I've done any work or schooling, so it'll take some time to adjust to being active again but I'm going to try and do this. I'm going to also start taking my medication again tomorrow morning before I leave and hope this all goes okay.