bFre3
Member
- Apr 8, 2024
- 63
Partial, second try! Last time it shook me up a lot, hopefully this time it goes a bit better. I hope I don't end up with brain damage....
If I don't have any activity anytime soon, then that would probably mean I'm gone
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I've given up for today. I really thought today would be the day. I was a lot calmer than my first attempt, everything was ready. I would've been successful if not for that stupid SI.
Firstly, SI is so annoying. I thought it came from immense fear of death, but this time I noticed it was my body quite literally moving on its one seemingly without reason. I wouldn't say I didn't have control of my body, but it's against my will. It's really annoying.
Secondly, my mind itself is very clear this time. My first attempt, I was really scared after doing it once, and quit straight after. This time, except for the few seconds after standing back up and blood rushes to my brain, my mind was not hazy at all. I just kept trying again and again. I took a few breaks in between, of course. After a certain point I seriously just got annoyed of the whole thing, I wasn't even sad or scared anymore. I even changed the song from a sad song to a more pumped up one trying to motivate myself halfway thtough.
Just mad now. Now I'm going to get less sleep and I'll be tired tomorrow. Annoying.
At least, I'm scared a lot less now, so my next attempt will hopefully be fairly soon.
If I don't have any activity anytime soon, then that would probably mean I'm gone
---
I've given up for today. I really thought today would be the day. I was a lot calmer than my first attempt, everything was ready. I would've been successful if not for that stupid SI.
Firstly, SI is so annoying. I thought it came from immense fear of death, but this time I noticed it was my body quite literally moving on its one seemingly without reason. I wouldn't say I didn't have control of my body, but it's against my will. It's really annoying.
Secondly, my mind itself is very clear this time. My first attempt, I was really scared after doing it once, and quit straight after. This time, except for the few seconds after standing back up and blood rushes to my brain, my mind was not hazy at all. I just kept trying again and again. I took a few breaks in between, of course. After a certain point I seriously just got annoyed of the whole thing, I wasn't even sad or scared anymore. I even changed the song from a sad song to a more pumped up one trying to motivate myself halfway thtough.
Just mad now. Now I'm going to get less sleep and I'll be tired tomorrow. Annoying.
At least, I'm scared a lot less now, so my next attempt will hopefully be fairly soon.
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