Venting Trusting someone from this forum

[Margimet]

Days ago I started talking to someone here on the forum who has BPD like me.
English is not my native language, yet I struggled to keep up the conversation.

I thought we had become friends, we have a lot in common with each other.
I texted him and didn't answer me anymore.
He's giving me the cold shoulder or already ctb. Both options hurt me.

I thought I could trust someone who is like me: has BPD, knows perfectly the pain of rejection and abandonment, feels lonely and wants to die. But I was wrong.

I'm so tired of letting myself down, so tired. I'm too fragile for this world. Everybody look threatening to me. Dammit, I'm crying again!
What did I do wrong? Why doesn't anyone want to be close to me?

The peace I need I will only find dying.
I believed I would feel better here in the forum but now I realize there's no place for me in this world. I'm feeling more lonely than ever!

 

[6ixxy]

Don't worry yourself too much, not everyone sees things the same way as you might do & not everyone gets along even if we are all here for more or less the same reason
My PM is always open if you need to chat and let it out, I'm here to listen

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Please don't feel so bad. The other person is probably struggling with their personal needs. Without knowing their side of story it would be incorrect to lay blame on them or on yourself. We can only control what we can do, we cannot control others. Such is life. It doesn't mean you are bad, or you lose or you are unlovable. It means nothing. We all have our own serious issues here, let's give everyone comfort and space they need without getting hurt too much. Take it easy.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

I know how you feel. I tried venting to people like me and I've received responses like "oh wow, I know I've said things like that but now hearing you say it that's super messed up" or just being generally judgmental. Some people just don't always click, but I'm sure overall on this forum you absolutely do belong.

 

[kiko]

Hey I suffer mental illness to the point of being in and out of hospital like a yoyo.
From my own experience of doing this I'd start an online conversation trying to pull up my mood and regain so worth only to either feel i was not worthy of human interaction or just unable to.

I know this does help but from a sometimes friend across the internet im sorry we cant be more xxx

 

[UninformedLover]

I know how you feel because the same thing has happened to me but - Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hurtful but... It's their lost. I'm sure you didn't say anything wrong. Some people just end up ghosting you for reasons privy to them - which has nothing to do with you. The person could also be going through a lot and doesn't have the time or energy to reply.

I remember I saw a post on here where someone shared the same sentiment as you. The replies showed that enough people on here have faced similar situations as you so I guess it's a recurring theme on here.

 

[LivingToLong]

It's one of the biggest hurts in my life... not understanding why people act (towards me) as they do. I know it may not be personal, that it's probably more about them than me, but it just doesn't stop the hurt I might feel.

I thought I had a good friend. A friendship I thought was strong and would survive anything. Then something happened (I didn't do anything, let alone something 'wrong') and they suddenly they stopped speaking to me. It hurts because I thought I was enough of a friend for them to talk to me about it. To quote @ThingWithFeathers

We can only control what we can do, we cannot control others

Amen to that.

 

[Time]

I'm so tired of letting myself down, so tired. I'm too fragile for this world. Everybody look threatening to me.

I definitely identify. You're telling my story.

Please try not to beat yourself up too much. There could be many different reasons why they haven't gotten back to you so it doesn't necessarily mean that you did anything wrong. Although I've said this to myself many times it still isn't easy to digest since I know that I can be difficult to get along with due to my issues (specifically my lack of social skills & self-loathing). Even if I have similar issues in common with someone & having conversations that start off great, I still run out of things to say so it's not easy for me to keep it going. And these interactions also give me yet another reason to ctb.

You're not alone in experiencing this but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is your fault.

 

[Emily123]

I really liked if I had a suicide partener and we were using the same method but I can not trust anybody

 

[c824767]

Days ago I started talking to someone here on the forum who has BPD like me.
English is not my native language, yet I struggled to keep up the conversation.

I thought we had become friends, we have a lot in common with each other.
I texted him and didn't answer me anymore.
He's giving me the cold shoulder or already ctb. Both options hurt me.

I thought I could trust someone who is like me: has BPD, knows perfectly the pain of rejection and abandonment, feels lonely and wants to die. But I was wrong.

I'm so tired of letting myself down, so tired. I'm too fragile for this world. Everybody look threatening to me. Dammit, I'm crying again!
What did I do wrong? Why doesn't anyone want to be close to me?

The peace I need I will only find dying.
I believed I would feel better here in the forum but now I realize there's no place for me in this world. I'm feeling more lonely than ever!

I am glad you are reaching out. I know this forum is mostly used by trustworthy people. It was probably just bad luck for you. This world is f**d and we all do not see a way forward other than sequestering ourselves with suicidal ideation. We could protest, we could be activists but it is an uphill battle.This planet is riddled with corruption, it is on its last legs. The equatorial regions will likely soon be uninhabitable and if the nations near the poles cannot find a way to accommodate their poor and the incoming weather refugees with a modicum of dignity, there will be a hell of a lot of people living in despair and destitution. The rich think that is an OK way to continue the planet's history. They will live behind bars and walls. like the whites in South Africa. Crazy. No one wants to share. We all have stood by when the planet bought into "Greed is Good". Greed is Not good and it is Not human nature. We are a cooperative gentle species. Those who take advantage are the real mentally ill, but no one dares to diagnose them.

 

[Stan]

As said above, maybe they are feeling bad at the moment and is not talking to anyone at all. If they have cbt, then that is the nature of this board. People come and people go. Maybe you should post more in public and cultivate friends through chatting in threads. Sometimes focusing on one person is not good, exactly for what happened to you recently.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I struggle with trying to be hopeful. When i am grasping onto hope, i do not come here. I only come here when the pendulum swings back over to the dark side. Maybe he is taking a break and it is not personal...

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm sorry to hear that. I've found some friends in this forum and I even met someone in this forum in person a while ago. It was really cool because it was the first time that I really felt connected to someone, especially because we had a similiar background and we just understood each other. That happened very rarely in my life so far. Regarding your case, maybe they're just not in the mood to talk. I've had depressed phases where I didn't respond to people for days or even weeks, simply because I lacked the stamina to do that. I wouldn't abandon all trust because of this particular case, there are many sincere people in this forum. But you should always be a little bit skeptical of other humans, you never know who sits on the other side of the screen.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I really liked if I had a suicide partener and we were using the same method but I can not trust anybody

its a pretty risky business i guess.
Never know on here of bpd is bipolar disorder or borderline personality?

 

[BPD_LE]

From a BPD point of view I understand both sides. You know yourself @Margimet that we are volatile and unpredictable. It's happened to me too but I don't take it personally. You've done nothing wrong. I know it hurts. It's that annoying cliché every Borderline hates - 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' ❤

its a pretty risky business i guess.
Never know on here of bpd is bipolar disorder or borderline personality?

I always take it as Borderline. Does anyone with Bipolar call themselves BPD? Be interesting to know.

 

[MeltingHeart]

From a BPD point of view I understand both sides. You know yourself @Margimet that we are volatile and unpredictable. It's happened to me too but I don't take it personally. You've done nothing wrong. I know it hurts. It's that annoying cliché every Borderline hates - 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' ❤

I always take it as Borderline. Does anyone with Bipolar call themselves BPD? Be interesting to know.

ahh ok, i thoought bipolar was sometimes called bpd too- I could be wrong! (probs am)

 

[OverItAll]

Can definitely relate. Was building a friendship with someone local, with a view to partnering up, and then just cut off. See them posting here, but direct messages asking what I did wrong are ignored.

It shitty, but what can you do? You have no control over their actions, so it's not worth wasting energy worrying/stressing about (Stoicism FTW!! ). Margimet, it says more about them than it does you.