Venting Trust and a bad dream at the end its a bit shocking be warned

[Mort]

Well that it i now dont trust anyone any more its just little old me now . Well next Thursday i going to the hospital to find out if my kidneys are screwed up or not . If they are YEEPPPPPP :) if not i am going to just keep poisoning my self. With iron and copper vitamins all so vitamin C helps to absorb the iron and copper better. If that going to look like its going to take to long mite bung sum magnesium in they to . I know its sound an odd way to go and painful to but its what I deserve came into this world screaming and crying and i am going to go the same way . Dont deserve any thing better than this all ways have bin and is a unless fat barsted no good to know one . Lost my bestfriend of 10 years she just stop talking to me and i found out she got a new phone number to :( . So you see even she gave up on me same as my folks they gave up on me a long time ago. Why was i put on this planet i bin no good from the day I was born. I had to have a load of operation's when i was just a kid buy the tim i was 12 i had 8 operation's. As i was full of managing faults did not come of the assembly line rite . So know wonder i ant rite in the head just wish one of them operation's had gone wrong and i pass away bin better for one and all. May be i did die on the operating table and this is my hell . Who knows i bet i never will well folks that's it for now cant think of anything else tata for now my yhe bus pick you up soon and you have a peaceful journey to the other side. :D

 

[ArtVandelay]

You don't deserve to be in that much pain. How come none of the peaceful methods appeal to you? Isn't the point of suicide to end the pain, not cause more?

 

[Mort]

You don't deserve to be in that much pain. How come none of the peaceful methods appeal to you? Isn't the point of suicide to end the pain, not cause more?

Well not got much money so that puts sum of them out the way i live with my parents to trying to hang myself a no go . Any way i guess I have chords a lot of mental pain in my parents by being a complete utter failure at every thing I have done. So going out in a shit load of pain may even the score out a bit . Who knows i just think i dont deserve any thing better. No job no life to speak of all my own fault no one else to blame for my shitty life . So they're you go try to explain as best as I can they a ton of crap in my head anf it hard to know what whats .

 

[ArtVandelay]

You could try applying for a credit card and using that to purchase whatever you need. When they ask what your income is, just lie and make up some number. A lot of us here consider ourselves failures, but I still think we deserve a peaceful death. Also, living with your parents shouldn't be much of an obstacle. Do they not let you leave the house?

 

[Mort]

You could try applying for a credit card and using that to purchase whatever you need. When they ask what your income is, just lie and make up some number. A lot of us here consider ourselves failures, but I still think we deserve a peaceful death. Also, living with your parents shouldn't be much of an obstacle. Do they not let you leave the house?

Yes they do the thing is i got into very bad debt and well went bankrupt i could not pay of the many credit cards . So now my credit rating is shot to hell and all ban from getting any more for s long time . I did pay a lot of the money of but not all had to all buy my self as if my parents found out they just pay it of for me . And that would wiped most of the savings out to and i coulf not fo that to them . My mess my problem so i sorted it out my self still it got messy and had to lie to my parents big time which i did not like but had to . So they you go all ways between a rock and a hard place thats the story of my life HA :|

 

[Mort]

O by the way if your eagerly shock it mit not be a good idea to read on from this. On yop of every thing else i keep having these dreams of me trying to kill my self. I start of with pills nothing happens i try to hang my self . By now in this nightmare i am having i am get more and more mad yelling at eveyone and scream at the top of my voice i want to die why can't I just die . Then the really bad part kicks in i know what's coming as i am running around in my nightmare i see this fule can i pick up open it and throw all the contents over my self. Then i find a mach and light it and set my self on fire you think i be screaming in my nightmare by now . O no i am not i am standing they laughing and singing a happy song as i burn to death and keep saying over and over i am going to die YES dyeing. Thats when i wack up sweating and all most calling out to lucky i have not or my parents would here and ask what's up . No way i am telling them they soon put me in the nut house all ready bin they ones they no help at tall . So you can see how screwed up i am larfing my head of as i burn whst that say about my mental health LOL well dont have nightmare kids ;) LOL . Well best be leaving for now tata sweet dreams HAHA :P :D

 

[TAW122]

I'm with @ArtVandelay here and I don't think you should subject yourself to more unnecessary pain. I know that you feel like you have to even the score and that you deserve that, but I still believe you deserve a more peaceful way to go (especially if you have the means to obtain a peaceful method). Anyways, I wish you the best.