Vivacious_Vee
Member
- Jun 17, 2023
- 70
Hi all
This is my story, as honest as possible... Sorry if it makes no sense.
Found this site last night, why am I her?? Last year under general aesthetic for a double eye lens replacement. I came home and noticed a patch of something in the back of my hair ( I kick myself every day that I did not cut my hair and put it in a bag, then no one else would be having this done to them) it was like glue, I have no idea what it was, but when I woke up from GA (General Anaesthetic) my right hand shot down from the side of my head to the middle of my legs, I thought weird, but dismissed it, after all I was in a private hospital, and had paid £7,500 that I saved (and borrowed) for double eye lens replacement (was working as a palliative carer at the time low wage and sometimes 11 shifts a week) I ting that still burns in my soul, I begged yes begged to go under GA, so the guilt and sick feeling is unbelievable. After a few hours I came home.
A couple of days later after a bowel movement, I want to wipe myself, and messed all over my hand?? I just carried on going??? I had never done anything like that, I am a grown woman of 52, 51 at time of operation. NEVER have I done that, that's when I started to thing something had happened to me, but I could not believe it, it sounds so far fetched. Now I have to use wet wipes too... I also had bruises on my left thigh and my left breasts really freaking hurt, you have no idea (implants 2018 Aug 13th) the pain was horrible and my breast felt like it had been reshaped??? On the Tuesday after the op, went back for check up, I was still thinking I was overthinking at this stage, thinking maybe I had an allergic reaction or something... My citreous was so dry, you have no idea, it felt like sand paper, this feeling lasted around 10 days. When I went back to see the surgeon that I have been told by the police not to name or the name of the hospital, as I will get done for libel. I said to his nurse about my breast and leg, the doctor dismissed it and I was sat in my van thinking, how did I not get an answer? And drove home. on the 16th Aug 2022, I went to a police station in Bristol and said that something happened to me while under GA, I explained to the person, I had not hand anyone close to me since I was 49, at time of operation, I was 51, so I know if someone has done something, also nothing goes up my back passage, have had enemas, but they dont stretch your arse???? Have home kits to, but used to have to put oil on the tube, now have to hold it in place 9 months later! It is driving me mad, right.... Soooo in police station and was asked to I think I have been SA (sexually assaulted) I replied I have no idea what happened as I was unconscious but I do know that my body is now a different shape, I have never given birth, C-section, you would not believe that now. (Tried to post on social media to get awareness out there and some first reactions where the size of my back passage and found it funny, do they not understand, I was at a hospital, where you trust the staff to look after you, where you pay the staff to give you the best care you can pay for??? ) The person said some one would come round, they did a few times, they vanished, so I sent a very detailed email to the police and they person came back after a month of not coming round, well it was only rape, so not important, they said they were on holiday for a month? So I asked if all cases went on hold when people go on holiday? Then the OIC came round, office in charge, two of them to tell me there is nothing they can do as there is no proof!!! And I cant prove anything happened!!! Oh yeah, I refused a rape test, they said I have to have one, I told them to fuck off, they said pardon, I said fuck off, I am not being humiliated any more than I already have, NO I refused a rape test, you can get me a scan.... BUT no they said I have to have a rape test as a scan costs money, well as I had just found £7,500 for eye lens replacement, there was no funds to pay for a scan. I will not give up and I will not have a barbaric test when you can have a scan. Police suggest that I call the local doctors, so I did, said short bit to receptionists and they put me though to a woman who was VILE. I said to her and she replied, on the only place to get a scan is up that place, in such a patronising tone, I dont suppose you want to go there do you??? Gaslighting evil woman, those people stick together ... then they said a doc would call me and a young male called, twice he said sorry on the phone, because I said you know what your vagina feels like the next day after being with someone... That woman is horrible, but thing is, I would want to keep her safe from going under GA at this place too....
I have called the docs back after that too and all they want is details, then to suggest I go in so they can poke around in my back passage, I told them no, they said that is the only way, I told them it is not, I want a scan, they say I have to pay for one as it is not free, I told them they need to suggest one, they said after they have poked around in my back passage, to that I said NO, you are not doing that when a non evasive option is available, we are in 2023 there is AI and such and you are telling me they still do that rape test, no thank you.
I found a solicior, because if you can tell a certain group of people, exactly what happened to you in detail, they then give you a sum of money, the police lady said I should contact them and they might be able to pay out, then can use that money for a scan, so I called and because I was not awake at the time, they are not interested, sooo does that mean there are some very sick in the head billionaires, who have a pot of money to give out to women who are rapped, but only if they can have the details of exactly what happened.... Perverts. Right, soooo OIC came round, there were two I was excited thinking yeah (this was feb 2023) they have something, but no, they decided to keep the rapists safe they have said there is no evidence, but the case it open. I suggested toing outside the hospital with a sign saying I was rapped here under GA, but I will get locked up for that, but how else can I get others to come forward??? There is no way this was the first time, no way. Why did they choose me, well I was ringing my hands, as they hurt due to menopause, your joints all mess up... so they probably thought I was an easy target as i looked quiet and nervous, I was quiet too, due to feeling anxious about eyes, hence wanting to go under GA. I have always been outspoken, one of those who walks in a room and does not care who they talk to, but now, I would not walk in that room, I have changed so much in these last 9 months, so angry, so anxious, I will be walking down the road, (when I can get out from this very strong invisible wall) then I look at people thinking, do you know who done this to me? Do you sit with them? Eat with them? Are they your friends? Then when I am home, I think shit, they will know I have contacted the police and they have all my details, and I don't even know what they look like???
I was SA before and knocked out, walking home NY I think 1998?? Alone, some man started to chat to me, they we were walking together, I was grateful to not fall over, anyway, this was in Bristol, and Asda carpark, he knocked me out, I woke and he was on top of me, I was clothed, he was grabbing me, I looked at him for a while, thinking, what is going on? Why is he doing this??? Not at one time did I say stop or no??? Then I thought, this is wrong and put my thumbs in each of his eyes he got up up and ran, I got up and walked home, then contacted the police, that one made it to crime watch.
End of Oct 2022 was my last day at work, I could not do it, you have to be in a certain frame of mind to e carer and I was not happy and the families need someone who is strong, I was not me anymore so left. Then I went to the job centre, have to say, it has been 9 months, they have been brilliant, but I did go in one day after a call with the police and just dropped and cried, after that they were amazing and have been a real help, in these months I have completed 3 courses and have to say feeling very pleased with myself, I know the system is corrupt but as a newly qualified personal trainer who is thinking of starting their own business for women to get fit, I was like yeah, I can move forward!! THEN on 19th May, Inka my most beloved hound landed wrong, when shot off from a static lead and now needs a new hip, BUT because I had my eyes done last year, I have no saved funds, only had few K before, but I could of got a loan, BUT not now, as late paying bills, never have before, even the council tax, never missed payments, but they ended up sending me a court summons for just over £400 I have no idea how anyone manages with benefits respect to you all! BUT at this moment in time, I have needed help and I got it too. UNTILL Inka hurt her leg, so went to emergency vet, just under 1k for GA, yes I was triggered then they tried to pop hip back in, it would not go,. so Inka needed a hip replacement, but that is 10k, so I started a go fund me page, and do you know what, hardly anyone shared it!! My heart sank, if I was working i would not dream of asking for help, but this is a hound, who if they have the other option, FHO, that does not work for hounds over 15kg, Inka is 22kg there are no positive stories of hounds going through tis with one back leg, NONE, but because I had my eyes done last year this happens.... If I had not gone under GA then I would of got a bank loan to make up the difference.. But that is not an option.... Anyway, so Inka is having the FHO with PDSA, but they chisel away at bone, not saw, so that means less recovery. Also will need hydro therapy, but I have no money for that!!! NON, then I chat to friends who say, yeah you have to take the good with the bad. So If ask them if they want their arse stretched too!!! Why do i say arse, because we all have one of those.
On one social media page an ex nurse said that in the 1980s anyone under GA was used for practice by students!!! I had to explain to this nurse, did they also play with breasts and put bruises on legs to hold them?? As a carer I know buries. This is not a student gone a bit wrong, this is violent rape.
Anyway, so the OIC came round with another officer, they said there is nothing they can do, I asked them why they protect rapists and paedophiles, they said this was not the part of the job they liked. I am living in a story that I feel on connection too. , The police know who was there, why isnt everyone who was 5 foot near me not suspended for a week, until they found out what happened??? They know the names of everyone? Why arent they checking this out, the hospital are going through this 100% they said, BS as they have not spoken to me, so they have not been through. The hospital said I can give a place to meet and they will be there to talk out their findings, well how would they feel walking in a woods and BOOM there I am, then they will remember me, as I have remembered every time I go to toilet that someone has ruined my body...
I even fasted 10 days, so I would not have bowel movements. Now I just fast a few days at a time, BUT that really did help with my head space as I have felt so angry at the world, rally angry... Now I just want out, I have had enough, this is not a game I want play anymore, I need a reset. I have written letters to my children, who are adults, their dad, my mum and 3 friends, that is it, I feel no remorse, I dont care, I just feel empty, void of anything.
I did think of jumping of the carpark at the hospital and dangling there, or before jump do the jugular too... Then they would have to look into why I jumped, but at the moment they want me quiet, no, these people have to be made accountable, how is it my rapist(s) still work and I am so confused some days there is not way going out is an option, I was told by the job centre I should be on PIP I have no idea what she was on about, she told me I needed to see my doctor, I said, I am sorry but I am unable to do that, as they are all full of shit, perverts who stick together, or something like that... I dont trust them, never go to doctors, nothing ever wrong with me.
Anyway, that is why I am here, I want to go to sleep and never walk up again, without sounding rude, I dont care what happens when I have gone, people pass every day, they will all get over it and move on, we always do. I am just pissed off with everyone telling me I have to move on from what happened to me, so they think I am not trying... Some nights I dont sleep at all, nothing, why because I dont want to wake up!!!
Right, sorry this is epic, I just wanted to try and explain why I am here.... thank you if you did read this, you rock... thank you, may you all get what it is you are looking wishing for xx
Snogs
Vee xxx
This is my story, as honest as possible... Sorry if it makes no sense.
Found this site last night, why am I her?? Last year under general aesthetic for a double eye lens replacement. I came home and noticed a patch of something in the back of my hair ( I kick myself every day that I did not cut my hair and put it in a bag, then no one else would be having this done to them) it was like glue, I have no idea what it was, but when I woke up from GA (General Anaesthetic) my right hand shot down from the side of my head to the middle of my legs, I thought weird, but dismissed it, after all I was in a private hospital, and had paid £7,500 that I saved (and borrowed) for double eye lens replacement (was working as a palliative carer at the time low wage and sometimes 11 shifts a week) I ting that still burns in my soul, I begged yes begged to go under GA, so the guilt and sick feeling is unbelievable. After a few hours I came home.
A couple of days later after a bowel movement, I want to wipe myself, and messed all over my hand?? I just carried on going??? I had never done anything like that, I am a grown woman of 52, 51 at time of operation. NEVER have I done that, that's when I started to thing something had happened to me, but I could not believe it, it sounds so far fetched. Now I have to use wet wipes too... I also had bruises on my left thigh and my left breasts really freaking hurt, you have no idea (implants 2018 Aug 13th) the pain was horrible and my breast felt like it had been reshaped??? On the Tuesday after the op, went back for check up, I was still thinking I was overthinking at this stage, thinking maybe I had an allergic reaction or something... My citreous was so dry, you have no idea, it felt like sand paper, this feeling lasted around 10 days. When I went back to see the surgeon that I have been told by the police not to name or the name of the hospital, as I will get done for libel. I said to his nurse about my breast and leg, the doctor dismissed it and I was sat in my van thinking, how did I not get an answer? And drove home. on the 16th Aug 2022, I went to a police station in Bristol and said that something happened to me while under GA, I explained to the person, I had not hand anyone close to me since I was 49, at time of operation, I was 51, so I know if someone has done something, also nothing goes up my back passage, have had enemas, but they dont stretch your arse???? Have home kits to, but used to have to put oil on the tube, now have to hold it in place 9 months later! It is driving me mad, right.... Soooo in police station and was asked to I think I have been SA (sexually assaulted) I replied I have no idea what happened as I was unconscious but I do know that my body is now a different shape, I have never given birth, C-section, you would not believe that now. (Tried to post on social media to get awareness out there and some first reactions where the size of my back passage and found it funny, do they not understand, I was at a hospital, where you trust the staff to look after you, where you pay the staff to give you the best care you can pay for??? ) The person said some one would come round, they did a few times, they vanished, so I sent a very detailed email to the police and they person came back after a month of not coming round, well it was only rape, so not important, they said they were on holiday for a month? So I asked if all cases went on hold when people go on holiday? Then the OIC came round, office in charge, two of them to tell me there is nothing they can do as there is no proof!!! And I cant prove anything happened!!! Oh yeah, I refused a rape test, they said I have to have one, I told them to fuck off, they said pardon, I said fuck off, I am not being humiliated any more than I already have, NO I refused a rape test, you can get me a scan.... BUT no they said I have to have a rape test as a scan costs money, well as I had just found £7,500 for eye lens replacement, there was no funds to pay for a scan. I will not give up and I will not have a barbaric test when you can have a scan. Police suggest that I call the local doctors, so I did, said short bit to receptionists and they put me though to a woman who was VILE. I said to her and she replied, on the only place to get a scan is up that place, in such a patronising tone, I dont suppose you want to go there do you??? Gaslighting evil woman, those people stick together ... then they said a doc would call me and a young male called, twice he said sorry on the phone, because I said you know what your vagina feels like the next day after being with someone... That woman is horrible, but thing is, I would want to keep her safe from going under GA at this place too....
I have called the docs back after that too and all they want is details, then to suggest I go in so they can poke around in my back passage, I told them no, they said that is the only way, I told them it is not, I want a scan, they say I have to pay for one as it is not free, I told them they need to suggest one, they said after they have poked around in my back passage, to that I said NO, you are not doing that when a non evasive option is available, we are in 2023 there is AI and such and you are telling me they still do that rape test, no thank you.
I found a solicior, because if you can tell a certain group of people, exactly what happened to you in detail, they then give you a sum of money, the police lady said I should contact them and they might be able to pay out, then can use that money for a scan, so I called and because I was not awake at the time, they are not interested, sooo does that mean there are some very sick in the head billionaires, who have a pot of money to give out to women who are rapped, but only if they can have the details of exactly what happened.... Perverts. Right, soooo OIC came round, there were two I was excited thinking yeah (this was feb 2023) they have something, but no, they decided to keep the rapists safe they have said there is no evidence, but the case it open. I suggested toing outside the hospital with a sign saying I was rapped here under GA, but I will get locked up for that, but how else can I get others to come forward??? There is no way this was the first time, no way. Why did they choose me, well I was ringing my hands, as they hurt due to menopause, your joints all mess up... so they probably thought I was an easy target as i looked quiet and nervous, I was quiet too, due to feeling anxious about eyes, hence wanting to go under GA. I have always been outspoken, one of those who walks in a room and does not care who they talk to, but now, I would not walk in that room, I have changed so much in these last 9 months, so angry, so anxious, I will be walking down the road, (when I can get out from this very strong invisible wall) then I look at people thinking, do you know who done this to me? Do you sit with them? Eat with them? Are they your friends? Then when I am home, I think shit, they will know I have contacted the police and they have all my details, and I don't even know what they look like???
I was SA before and knocked out, walking home NY I think 1998?? Alone, some man started to chat to me, they we were walking together, I was grateful to not fall over, anyway, this was in Bristol, and Asda carpark, he knocked me out, I woke and he was on top of me, I was clothed, he was grabbing me, I looked at him for a while, thinking, what is going on? Why is he doing this??? Not at one time did I say stop or no??? Then I thought, this is wrong and put my thumbs in each of his eyes he got up up and ran, I got up and walked home, then contacted the police, that one made it to crime watch.
End of Oct 2022 was my last day at work, I could not do it, you have to be in a certain frame of mind to e carer and I was not happy and the families need someone who is strong, I was not me anymore so left. Then I went to the job centre, have to say, it has been 9 months, they have been brilliant, but I did go in one day after a call with the police and just dropped and cried, after that they were amazing and have been a real help, in these months I have completed 3 courses and have to say feeling very pleased with myself, I know the system is corrupt but as a newly qualified personal trainer who is thinking of starting their own business for women to get fit, I was like yeah, I can move forward!! THEN on 19th May, Inka my most beloved hound landed wrong, when shot off from a static lead and now needs a new hip, BUT because I had my eyes done last year, I have no saved funds, only had few K before, but I could of got a loan, BUT not now, as late paying bills, never have before, even the council tax, never missed payments, but they ended up sending me a court summons for just over £400 I have no idea how anyone manages with benefits respect to you all! BUT at this moment in time, I have needed help and I got it too. UNTILL Inka hurt her leg, so went to emergency vet, just under 1k for GA, yes I was triggered then they tried to pop hip back in, it would not go,. so Inka needed a hip replacement, but that is 10k, so I started a go fund me page, and do you know what, hardly anyone shared it!! My heart sank, if I was working i would not dream of asking for help, but this is a hound, who if they have the other option, FHO, that does not work for hounds over 15kg, Inka is 22kg there are no positive stories of hounds going through tis with one back leg, NONE, but because I had my eyes done last year this happens.... If I had not gone under GA then I would of got a bank loan to make up the difference.. But that is not an option.... Anyway, so Inka is having the FHO with PDSA, but they chisel away at bone, not saw, so that means less recovery. Also will need hydro therapy, but I have no money for that!!! NON, then I chat to friends who say, yeah you have to take the good with the bad. So If ask them if they want their arse stretched too!!! Why do i say arse, because we all have one of those.
On one social media page an ex nurse said that in the 1980s anyone under GA was used for practice by students!!! I had to explain to this nurse, did they also play with breasts and put bruises on legs to hold them?? As a carer I know buries. This is not a student gone a bit wrong, this is violent rape.
Anyway, so the OIC came round with another officer, they said there is nothing they can do, I asked them why they protect rapists and paedophiles, they said this was not the part of the job they liked. I am living in a story that I feel on connection too. , The police know who was there, why isnt everyone who was 5 foot near me not suspended for a week, until they found out what happened??? They know the names of everyone? Why arent they checking this out, the hospital are going through this 100% they said, BS as they have not spoken to me, so they have not been through. The hospital said I can give a place to meet and they will be there to talk out their findings, well how would they feel walking in a woods and BOOM there I am, then they will remember me, as I have remembered every time I go to toilet that someone has ruined my body...
I even fasted 10 days, so I would not have bowel movements. Now I just fast a few days at a time, BUT that really did help with my head space as I have felt so angry at the world, rally angry... Now I just want out, I have had enough, this is not a game I want play anymore, I need a reset. I have written letters to my children, who are adults, their dad, my mum and 3 friends, that is it, I feel no remorse, I dont care, I just feel empty, void of anything.
I did think of jumping of the carpark at the hospital and dangling there, or before jump do the jugular too... Then they would have to look into why I jumped, but at the moment they want me quiet, no, these people have to be made accountable, how is it my rapist(s) still work and I am so confused some days there is not way going out is an option, I was told by the job centre I should be on PIP I have no idea what she was on about, she told me I needed to see my doctor, I said, I am sorry but I am unable to do that, as they are all full of shit, perverts who stick together, or something like that... I dont trust them, never go to doctors, nothing ever wrong with me.
Anyway, that is why I am here, I want to go to sleep and never walk up again, without sounding rude, I dont care what happens when I have gone, people pass every day, they will all get over it and move on, we always do. I am just pissed off with everyone telling me I have to move on from what happened to me, so they think I am not trying... Some nights I dont sleep at all, nothing, why because I dont want to wake up!!!
Right, sorry this is epic, I just wanted to try and explain why I am here.... thank you if you did read this, you rock... thank you, may you all get what it is you are looking wishing for xx
Snogs
Vee xxx
